- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
I guess this is more of a vent than anything else, but if someone has some great suggestions on what to do then I’d appreciate. So I decided to have a Matron-of-Honor (sister) and a Maid-of-Honor (BFF since college) pretty much right away….now that decision seems so wistfully naive 🙂
Some background is that my sister can sometimes be very difficult and demanding of me, something that has bothered my best friend for a long time. But increasingly, in the last few years, I think my friend has become a lot more inflexible also. They are both really important to me and have been also been very supportive of me in rough times, so this isn’t to talk trash, just to tell it like it is. So essentially I already have a mix of strong personalities.
The conflict started pretty early. I was talking to my sister about wedding dresses, and she suggested that we all meet up in NYC to go look (b/c it’s central). We found a weekend that worked for the three of us and my Mom, and it started. First my friend said she needed to save money so maybe we should crash with another friend. My sister is a mother and pregnant, staying on a couch is not really an option for her. Then she said that she really wanted to go for sushi. And I was like, well my sister is pregnant so that probably won’t work." To which she responded, "but it’s a high quality sushi restaurant"!!! ummmm…anyway, that’s an example of the drama on that trip which ending up being somewhat of a nightmare for many reasons including their not getting along at all. In this case I’d say my friend was a bit more responsible since she was pretty crabby and outright rude to me and my sister once…but she did apologize to me later explaining that she just freaked out about dress shopping b/c of her breakup with her boyfriend a year ago (she’s had a really unhealthy and extended recovery from that which is not news to me). But my sister really exacerbated it by almost forcing me to choose sides between them.
Fast forward, and it’s getting closer. My friend says she wants to plan a b’ette party, and my sister suggested a small tea party/shower. I thought, this is good, division of labor. I posted another thread about how the Bridal Party planning turned into this whole tihng, so I suggested combining the two things. Well, it turns out the original shower w/e did not work for my friend, so we decided to keep them separate. Then my mom suggested to my sister that she move the shower. My sister asked me and I said it would certainly be my preference, though I did not know where things stand with the Bridal Party. She said that she knew they had talked about doing something in the afternoon, but no firm plans. so I suggested she get in touch…and then there was a little confusion b/c she is co-hosting the tea with my godmother and we weren’t sure if that date would work for her. So basically, I just didn’t do or say anything. Yesterday my sister says that my godmother is free, so she’s going to look into changing things and she’d get in touch with people regarding the B’ette party etc (at this point I thought it was likely to move but not 100% sure b/c of reservations etc…I also didn’t think it was my place or responsibility to intervene). This morning my friend had sent me email asking me whether I’ve moved the tea. I said that I’d talked about it with my sister and that it would be easier for me and more fun to have everyone ther, but I didn’t realize that it was final. Basically, I thought my sister would ask them about it before proceeding, though in the end it is my preference to do it this way. Apparently she also sent an email to my sister about it that my sister took a bit of offense to. She responded by saying that this is how I want it done, so take it up with me. My sister also said that she included some other ideas about the evening out (my friend is from Out of Town so I’m sure my sister thought it would be helpful) and my friend was pretty dismissive.
Basically, I don’t really care what we do in the evening…or anywhere. It would be nice to have everyone get together and do something fun. but I don’t want anyone to feel put out due to expense or anything else. It *is* a lot easier for me to do the two things together, but I didn’t think it was possible until a couple days ago when my sister brought it up so I hadn’t mentioned it again. But I think both of them are being kind of immature about how they are dealing with each other. I think my sister ought to have been more up front about the tea, but I tink my friend is being unnecessarily dismissive of my sister generally which probably made her less inclined to do so. And I think I should be left out of all of this…Ugh!