(Closed) Was anyone else's proposal a complete surprise?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I didn’t know people did that until I came to Weddingbee, either. Nothing wrong with it, I just didn’t know that was an option.

We didn’t have a timeline. We had been together ten years when he asked, I thought we just weren’t going to do the marriage thing. 

Post # 3
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

YES, YES and YES! To all the questions 😊 It’s the best feeling!  

Post # 4
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Congrats on your engagement! It sounds like a lovely proposal.

Just out of curiosity, what would you have done if years continued passing by with no proposal from your boyfriend? Would you have ever discussed it with him? Because that’s the situation that prompts people to create “timelines.” And while sometimes the men in these situations simply don’t want to get married…in other cases they’re open to the idea but maybe hadn’t given it too much specific thought, or maybe they want to be married eventually but have certain goals they want to accomplish first. Hence timelines.

I didn’t really discuss a timeline with my fiance…although I hinted strongly that I wasn’t going to move to his city without a ring lol. He planned the proposal and purchased the ring on his own with no input from me, and it was a surprise (although not a shock…I had a gut feeling it would be coming around the time that it did). But if months and months had gone by without a proposal from him…you better believe I would have spoken up and asked him what he was thinking in terms of a timeline!

Post # 5
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I actually don’t know anyone in real life who didn’t go ring shopping with thier SO before the proposal. 

We didn’t have a specific timeline but had lots of discussions about goals we wanted to reach before getting married. We got together at 18 so we had a lot we wanted to accomplish before marriage! Getting married was important to both of us and we wanted to be married before having kids. He proposed just before our 7 year anniversary.

Personally, I can’t imagine not having had these conversations before getting engaged. It was important to me to know that we were on the same page about our relationship. To me, it was important to be with someone who planned out the future with me.

Post # 7
355 posts
Helper bee

Not caring if you ever get engaged….I think that mostly applies to people who don’t prioritize marriage. 

Post # 8
3486 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I didn’t really have a timeline, and I don’t feel like I was ever ‘waiting’, my now fiance told me after 1.5 years of dating when we were both 22 that he would propose the next year, and he did. So I guess that is a timeline of sorts, but it was never initiated or thought of by me! Although we did go ring shopping together and picked out one we both liked, but the proposal was still a surprise! Although if I had been a bit older, or if he was dragging his feet about proposing, I would not have been shy at all to let him know exactly how I felt and that I wanted to get married in the near future. 

Post # 9
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

So I’m half in your corner and half in with @hikingbride. We were together for just over 8 years when he proposed and obviously we talked a lot about our future and our life together but I never pushed for a proposal. I would have been with him forever and never married. I certainly didn’t want to pressure him into proposing if he didn’t want to. He comes from a nasty divorced family and my parents threatened divorce for 10+ years. I was already his beneficiary on his life insurance and we lived together for 6 years etc. so not much was going to change once we got married. He eventually took it upon himself to go pick out a ring and surprised me with a proposal while on vacation for our 8 year anniversary. So I was surprised, but not shocked, as we had discussed being together forever. Along the way he would reiterate that he wanted to marry me and have kids with me, and since we were young I never felt pressure to get a move on with it. 

Post # 10
98 posts
Worker bee

Hm, I woulda loved to be taken by surprised and not had to talk about timing. I was so happy dating that I didn’t care about talking timelines, marriage, kids until over a year into our relationship. Considering we’re 33, all of my friends were like “WHAT?”. Finally, a few friends of ours who dated half the time we did ended up getting engaged, suddenly the rest of our friends looked at us like “SO, WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS?”. One night I got upset w him over something silly (had a few too many drinks) and he got paranoid thinking I was upset b/c we hadn’t discussed marriage. It was only at that point, I was like “Ok, we gotta talk about this, so we’re on the same page, we can be a united front during the holidays and laugh off any questions people throw at us” – which was great b/c his timeline was way ahead of mine and we DID get a lot of rude questions during the holidays about our status. And frankly, there’s definitely a nice reassurance now… we always talk about kids and love and forever but knowing he actually thought about timing just makes everything sweeter.


Post # 11
122 posts
Blushing bee

No, DH and I had very open communication about getting married and taking that step together. Not sure why you would want such a significant life decision to be a surprise lol 

Post # 12
2747 posts
Sugar bee

I was gobsmacked. I had NO idea of re-marrying when I met my husband. I was a bit older than the demo around here, had two boys, won a lottery and thought my life was set. We got long great from the start and marriage was never discussed.  Then his dad died and he had to go home for the funeral and help settle the estate.

About a month after he came back he asked me to marry him with an heirloom sapphire ring.  We’ve been married a year now, but if you told me three yers ago  I would be married I’d have laughed in your face.

Post # 13
17 posts
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
mingogo4 :  I’m pretty sure you’re basically me! I’m a bit older, but completely in the same boat (just finished my second degree, don’t want kids, no rush) and my proposal was a total surprise (other than some subtle little things that made me wonder). I had NO clue he had a ring (but conversation was “when” we got married…not if) and was literally speechless when he proposed. Actually, it’s because he didn’t ask any input regarding the ring that he sort of bought a placeholder and is completely open to me exchanging it (which I am considering, but feel weird about).

Post # 14
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Total surprise! I had no idea he even had a ring and he did it on top of a mountain we climbed. I knew we’d get married at some point and there was no doubt that I’d say yes, but I had no inkling it was coming on that particular day. I also wasn’t ‘waiting’ at all, in fact if anyone was waiting for the other to be ready it was him waiting for me. I love that it was a surprise and it happened at such a natural point in the relationship that there’d been zero angst about it. 

Post # 15
3854 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Not a surprise. It would have bugged me to no end to have everything be in his court, like I was being kept. From the very beginning we talked about stuff and timelines and our goals. I was never waiting like some damsel in distress for him to come and sweep me off my feet. We talked about it and made decisions together like equals. No angst, no surprises. Just being on the same page. 

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