Was anyone else's proposal a complete surprise?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Yes and No. My now Darling Husband was dragging his feet on asking me. People who started dating AFTER us were getting engaged, married and even having babies. We were living together, shared finances, and essentially functioning as a married couple. We talked about marriage A LOT, but it started to feel like it wasn’t going to ‘get off the ground’. After a while I started worrying it wasn’t going to happen and he was just stringing me along out of convenience, so I DID give him a timeline which he said he agreed to, but ended up not following through (and even cruely faked me out). It got to the point where I figured he wasn’t going to ever propose. So I quietly started building my exit plan. I had some money saved, I was emotionally distancing myself, a few close friends knew what was going on, I was even looking at apartments.

Then he proposed out of what felt like nowhere.

Part of me will always wonder if the only reason he proposed is because he figured out I was SERIOUS when I told him that if the timeline didn’t happen I was going to get on with my life. In the moment when he proposed, it would have been SUPER awkward for me to say no. Then I spent much of my engagement period questioning if I’d made the right choice. Fortunatly it worked out. Here we are today married, homeowners, and expecting our first child in March.

So yeah, not a romantic surprise….

Post # 17
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

The ring and proposal were a surprise to me. We had been together nearly four years and a week prior to the proposal I had told him how important marriage was to me, and we said we would start planning for marriage. I thought that meant saving for a ring and waiting. But a week later we were on a hike, and this guy pulls a ring out of his coat at the top of a mountain and we were literally in the clouds.

Post # 18
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I also didn’t know that people went ring shopping! My proposal and ring were a complete surprise (my friend did tell him things I liked and didn’t like in rings though- he then went and picked it out by himself). However, we had discussed our future beforehand and the fact that we both thought this would lead to marraige. There were no timelines or anything though.

The surprise proposal was awesome and I didn’t think it would happen for another year or so because we are pretty young, btu i am so glad it was a surprise! 

Post # 19
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

mingogo4 :  yes, his proposal was a complete surprise. Yes, I picked out the ring with him but he made me believe he didn’t get it and we’d need to go shopping more so when he proposed I was 100% surprised. Yes, we talked about marriage before all of that happened. I would never want to get engaged without having that discussion. There are so many things that you have to discuss and make sure you agree on before you get engaged. Finances, children, your feelings on marriage, where you see your life in the future, etc. I would hate to never talk about any of that, get engaged, and then realize that your marriage wouldn’t work because you don’t agree on a couple major things. We didn’t have a timeline and I never felt like I was waiting on him to propose. It was just somthing we talked about a few times and then he asked me to go ring shopping.

Post # 20
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2019

When my FH proposed I was totally surprised. The only restriction I had given him when we started talking about marriage was budget on the ring. I did not want a ring that was going to cost a crazy amount of money. I had no idea it was coming. He actually had me go ring shopping with him months after he had already bought my ring just to throw me off. It was so much more special for me because I had no idea what he was planning.

Post # 21
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Being where we are and who we are, significant life contracts (like marriage) needs to be talked about. I have a lot of investments, and i also manage my family’s. It I’ll be irresponsible of me to hightail it off to the altar without sound preparation (fiscal and legal) first. 

Also being “engaged” has significance financially. I had to recheck his investments just to make sure there’s no conflict of interest and ran them by our firms legal department–now that’s romance.

So no surprises here. The surprise came from the fact that another human being would like to spend the rest of their lives with me. If that’s not enough, people need to straighten out their priorities.

Post # 22
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Wedgewood Tower Club

Yes!

We were on a trip to New Orleans for his family reunion and he TOTALLY blindsided me. To say I was surprised would be the understatement of the century.

Post # 23
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

I definitely will not be with my SO when he picks out my bling. I want to be completely surprised.

Post # 24
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Mine was a total surprise. We’d been together for about 2 years and hadn’t had a timeline talk because neither one of us was feeling fussed over having a timeline. I had zero clue that it was coming. I don’t mind not having been consulted on it but I also wouldn’t have minded if he’d wanted to discuss and plan together. To him, it was important to make a grand romantic gesture because he’s not usually a romantic person in the traditional sense. I wouldn’t ever take that away from him!

Post # 26
Member
803 posts
Busy bee

mingogo4 :  My Boyfriend or Best Friend was the first one to bring up marriage – I’m your age and he’s a bit older. I want kids, but in no rush. I want to go to grad school first and didn’t feel any time pressure there (I don’t plan to have kids until I’m like, 33/34 if everything goes according to plan). 

The progression of the discussion was pretty organic. We moved in together after a year. We had only brought it up a few times and sort of in passing. He asked me to move in “when my lease was up” around the 6 month mark (my lease would be up around the one year mark). I told him I thought it was too soon and then he gave me my space. Then when HIS lease was up he decided to buy a place and basically said to me, “I’m buying a condo, I want you to share it with me and I want you to like it, but no pressure to move in til you’re ready”. Well, after helping him look at condos and getting really cozied up to the idea of living together, I moved in after about 3 weeks, lol. After living together we really felt like family. We didn’t combine finances formallly but definitely started to think about financial decisions together and vacation time and stuff like that together. I also came up with a timeline for grad school and realized I wanted to go to schools out of town from where we currently live. After bringing this up to him he told me that he wants to come with me wherever the best school I get into is and would plan to put his condo up for rent. So this, to me, solidified that we had a future together. We also talk about how we wlil pay for grad school and how we will adjust to living on one income. About 6 months after living together we went on a big trip together and some people (no one really close to us, more like casual friends and coworkers) started to tease up about getting engaged. This was the first time he said something to the effect of, “Were you expecting to get engaged this trip? I don’t want to disapoint you but I also didn’t want to rush you. I obviously want to spend the future with you I just figured we’d wait until we had grad school more figured out before rushing ahead”. I agreed, and I also said I wanted to live together a year before we took the next step.

 

That will be in April.  So, now that it’s getting close I’m getting antsy. I know it’s coming, I’m in no rush, but I never thought I’d be like, “Waiting” and on a “Timeline” and in a way, I’m not, but it won’t be a complete surprise either. We’ve already agreed to our future.

Post # 27
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

I think since you are still finishing up school, marriage would not be a big priority to you. It’s great that it was a pleasant surprise. Someone who had already finished school, was independent and financially stable, and had been dating someone for 10 years, would have a different viewpoint even if they were the same age as you. They would be more eager to marry.

I started dating in grad school and was more worried about never finding a boyfriend than marriage. Luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it) my first ever relationship will be my last. 🙂 

He asked me what my ring size was a week before the proposal. I expected him to do it when his family was visiting later that month but it happened earlier, so I was surprised. At the time, I was also having some internal difficulties, so it wasn’t as pleasant a proposal as I imagined. But now I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him, so it doesn’t matter if it was a fairytale proposal or not. 

Post # 28
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

So nice to be surprised 🙂 Mine was, he wasn’t really into getting married, didn’t see it as something he would do. After 9 years together, I was quite surprised it happened. He is one proud husband too, it’s adorable. We had no timeline, just that we knew we wanted to be together, that’s what mattered. But it was a very welcome surprise 😉

Post # 29
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I was never one to have a timeline, never one to care about getting married etc etc. I’d never dreamt about giving someone an ultimatum because to me that would make any sort of proposal disingenuous, I would always wonder if it was him or my hand that made it happen (who wouldn’t?). 

Fi’s proposal came as a total surprise. I’m not going to lie, I had a feeling it might happen but I truly didn’t expect that he was actually ready to get married. I don’t think any one of my friends or family expected me to me getting married before 35 (or at all) either (and I’m 27 will be 28 when we tie the knot). 

For me it wasn’t about timing. It was genuinely I wanted to be with this person and I knew there was no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I’d knew I’d be happy marrying him at city hall or with the big wedding we’re having and that’s what sold me. 

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