Post # 1
I want my Fiance and I to walk down the isle together instead of me being walked by my father to my waiting Fiance. It’s not like I hate my dad, I’m just a grown up person supporting myself almost entirely and my Fiance is totally independant of his family. I feel like we’re two consenting adults coming together of our own free will and it feels weird to be trotted down the isle like a race hourse or something and then be handed over like a posession. I know that it’s tradition and I shouldn’t read those things into it… but I just really don’t like it. Plus I hate the connotation that by getting married I’m losing my family. Has anyone ever walked down with thier Fiance and not been “given away?” How did it go?
Post # 2
I walked down the aisle with both my parents, but did excluded the “who gives this woman” stuff. I had the same feelings as you, but still wanted to honor my family.
Post # 3
You can be walked down the aisle without being “given away.” I was. H also did not “ask permission” to marry me.
Post # 4
My dad walked me, but, like a PP, we omitted the whole asking of “Who gives this woman?”. Um, I give me, TYVM.
Post # 5
My dad’s walking me down the aisle, but not “giving me away” as such. I’d planned on Fiance and I walking in together but i found out dad was really looking forward to walking me down the aisle, so that’s what we’re doing. I’m trying to frame it as him being there for me & being supportive rather than escorting a possession down the aisle.
Post # 6
I will be walking down by myself since I don’t have any living family so noone to give me away. I don’t see what the problem is, unless your dad pitches a fit or something. Just stick to your guns and do what is best for you.
Post # 7
My sister walked me to my ceremony (we did not have an aisle as we were married in a public place,) and we didn’t do any of the “who gives this woman” thing. Really, our families had very little activity within our wedding- our friends played a much larger part.
Post # 8
I agree that it feels like the bride is an object, not a person. I struggle with this a lot too, and am still undecided about what to do for my Jan 2016 wedding.
I’ve kind of started requiring things to have a purpose to be included (“it’s tradition” or “that’s what you do at weddings” do not count). For example, I did not want a bridal party, mostly because it seemed like a lot of work, and we both have huge families, so I knew it would be a dozen or more people, including 7+ women. Fiance was okay with just one person on each side, if that was what I really wanted. He liked the idea of honoring the people who have loved and supported us, and wanted to do something to honor them if we weren’t going to have a bridal party. We talked about gender roles, and ultimatly agreed that we would honor them by inviting them to dress fancy, walk in first, and sit in the front (I want just him and I standing). So we are having a “bridal party”, not bridesmaids or groomsmen.
For the father walking me down or not, I am struggling with my pride (I am not an object, I am a woman!!), and the hurt feelings my father may (or may not) feel. I think I might just talk to him and ask what his feelings are on walking me down or not.
Have you talked with your dad about your concerns? How did that go?
Post # 9
Fun fact: In Sweden, the bridal couple walks in together as a symbol that they have chosen each other willingly. I like that! The Swedish church strongly advice their priests NOT to accept the “giving away”-tradition because it’s obsolete (? Unsure of the word) and most priests refuses to wed couples if they don’t walk in together. Sweden is big when it comes to equality
Post # 10
My husband and I walked down the aisle together. I was really happy with how everything turned out and no one commented on it at all, we just got lots of really nice compliments on our wedding as a whole. I say don’t be afraid to do what feels right for you. Walking in together just felt like the best fit for us. I ditched lots of traditional wedding things because I hate the idea of following tradition just because it’s there instead of doing what I actually want to do.
Post # 11
In a Jewish wedding your walked by both parents. Since my dad died before my wedding it was just my Mom. But you don’t have to say who gives… My Rabbi said who presents this woman.
Post # 12
Following this because I don’t have a relationship with either of my parents.. If my dad attends, I certainly don’t want him walking me down the aisle.
I like the idea of walking together because my Fiance and I will be doing the first look photo shoot anyways.
Post # 13
In Orthodox Christian weddings, the couple walks down together and there is no “giving of the bride.” The priest asks the groom and the bride in turn if they each have “a good, free, and unconstrained will to take as your wife [husband] this woman [man], (name) whom you see here before you? Have you promised yourself to any other woman[man]?”
And that is that, and the wedding proceeds.
Post # 14
This is a great thread! I’m having the same feelings as I am 41 years old and my father and I do not have a mushy relationship. ..we shake hands goodbye for Christ’s sake!!! Lol
So having him walk me down the aisle feels weird and maybe phony??
Post # 15
I’m not going to be walked down the aisle, mostly because Fiance and I are planning to get married just the two of us. But even if we had a huge wedding, I wouldn’t do it. Do whatever is right/appropriate for you!