Post # 1
Moved in with my Boy about 2 months ago, and the advice I got from here has made the process smooth. Thought I would ask again for advice~
Yesterday Boy came home, and we started chatting about his day. He mentioned that his work friend asked when/how he was planning to pop the question to me, said that they joked some BS ways, but then paused and went “yeah I wouldn’t do it like that… I have ideas”. When I asked him about it more he said he definately has though about how he would like a proposal to go but was all “better to keep it a surprise ;)” when I asked for some details.
Do guys actually talk about that at work, or was he fishing for my reaction? We have been together for 9 months now, living together for 2, and are both 33. We’ve talked about the fact we both want marriage and children in the future. He has said in the past he is done with single life and wants more the family like his buddies, so I am wondering if he is making plans and saving up for a ring.
Ugh! Do I need to get my nails done for our fishing trip next week?!
Post # 2
I would definitely say that he is hinting hard and looking for your reaction, Bee. 🙂
Post # 3
I think that he was definitely on a fishing trip of his own. I don’t know if it will be next week, but he is planning. It would probably be a good idea to keep your hands looking picture ready from this point forward, but I wouldn’t draw too much attention to the fact if he is trying to make it a surprise.
Post # 4
It definitely sounds like he plans to propose to you at some point, although annoyingly, it’s difficult to say exactly when!!
Have you had any conversations about timings etc? Like, has he ever previously hinted about the age he’d like to get engaged – I’m guessing not from your post?
Sounds promising anyway:)
Post # 5
Maybe. Or maybe he just wants you to think he will so you’ll be pliable to whatever he wants. Lots of men bring up proposals and talk about settling down with no intention of actually doing it because it strings the woman along. I wouldn’t get too excited about a flippant remark.
But also, you don’t know him. You shouldn’t get engaged to someone you don’t know.
Post # 6
How would any of us know?
I think you’re reading way too far into this. Unless you have a mutually agreed upon timeline that is coming up quickly I wouldn’t be expecting a proposal any time soon just based off these offhand remarks. Just because he said he has ideas doesn’t literally mean he plans to do it now.
If you need more information then why not ask him instead of a bunch of internet strangers who can’t read his mind any better than you can? Just because he wants it to be a suprise doesn’t mean he can withhold discussions of your joint future if you’re not okay with that
ETA: and honestly at your ages I would have nailed down a solid timeline long before moving in with him. You should have confirmed that you were on the same page and not relying on offhand remarks and hints that you’re reading into.
I hope that your communication as a couple is better than I’m perceiving it based on your post
Post # 7
Can’t get past calling him “Boy” at 33. Talk to him. Marriage is a joint decision but I wouldn’t be getting my nails done for a proposal at 9 months, nor would I want one–get to know him better first.
Post # 8
Men have a wide range of interests and talk to their coworkers and friends (at work or otherwise) about a wide range of varied topics. You act as if men are some are some strange mysterious foreign species. Do you talk to friends or even friendly coworkers about current events in your life and stuff on your mind? Guess what! So do men. Did he tell you about this conversation to gauge your reaction? Maybe. Is he typically a shitty communicator who tries to hint about things instead of having direct conversations?
If you’re old enough and far enough along to be living with a man, you should be old enough and far enough along in your relationship with a man to have honest and in-depth conversations about where your relationship is headed. Instead of going on a fishing expedition of your own trying to get details about a proposal that may or may not happen, try asking Some meaningful questions. Do you see us headed towards marriage? What is his ideal timeline for this? Tell him your ideal timeline. If they don’t match then figure out where common ground is and compromise. Where do you both see your relationship one year from now? Five years from now? What are each of your five year plans? Use this as a gateway to have a meaningful conversation about the status of your relationship and where of you view it moving forward instead of fishing for details about how he might propose or trying to read into hints to see if he even might propose.
As to whether marriage is on his mind? He’s a man in his thirties who lives with his girlfriend and has previously expressed a desire to have a family. So yeah probably just playing the odds given the demographic information at hand.
As for whether you should do your nails…do you normally do your nails to go fishing? Just live your life. No one else actually gives a shit about anyone else’s nails. It’s not that big of a deal. Unless you typically walk around with manure crusted under your fingernails I’m sure your hands will look just fine just continuing to live your life as scheduled whenever a proposal does happen to come along. If you’re that self-conscious about it you can always pop in for a manicure or take an hour to do your nails after the proposal before you take some pictures of your hand.
Post # 9
He’s thinking about marriage for sure, but that doesn’t mean he’s about to propose. I started thinking about marriage to FH about 7 months in…over a year in, we talked about it more, then some more talks here and there, he proposed after two years together. I wouldn’t assume at the very first bit of marriage talk he’s ready to propose…I think most people tend to talk several times about marriage to get on the same page about everything, before actually proposing.
Have you guys discussed your views on marriage – for example, gender roles, and whether marriage changes them (a LOT of guys suddenly think their partner will start being a housewife and do all the chores just because they’ve gotten married). What about views on parenting? How you will handle finances (joint, seperate, etc?)?
Post # 10
Honestly, it is hit or miss. It totally could mean that he is actively planning or saving or it really could mean that it has briefly crossed hie mind. I wouldn’t get too excited, that way you won’t be disappointed and reading into everything he says. If he is actively planning then it will still be more of a suprise.
I also think it is soon to be expecting a ring, but you guys have probably had that conversation, not me.m, have you had a timeline type of talk?
Post # 11
I wouldn’t assume or expect a proposal on your fishing trip next week. He’s just started to talk to you and his friends about proposing. It’s just talk. Men can talk hypothetically about proposals for years before actually doing it. If he is considering proposing, depending on how long he’s been thinking of doing it and saving for a ring, he likely wouldn’t have the money saved or a ring picked out and ordered yet.
I wouldn’t get my nails professionally done for a fishing trip. If you paint your nails anyway, you could continue to do that, but it would be weird to get a manicure for a trip like that.
Also, why are you calling your boyfriend “boy” and “the boy” at your age? Or really at any age?
Post # 12
Yes. I think he was definitely fishing for your reaction because 1) I don’t see two grown men casually chatting about proposals like its a Rom-Com movie 2) Even if they were talking about it, why would he tell you they were?!
First thought was that he made up the story to bring it up that he wanted to discuss it with you. I wouldn’t get worked up about a proposal happening anytime soon though. I would have a serious convo about both of your expectations going forward like “If we do get engaged, when would be the right time?” “How soon or far off do you see yourself wanting kids?”
Post # 13
I don’t think people should be hinting over 25 tbh. It’s not cute and creates stress for the other person. I would just ask, I personally don’t have time for games.
Post # 14
Why don’t you have an adult conversation about it?
You’re sitting here reading into things and asking strangers on the internet what they think, which is fine if that’s what you’re consciously choosing to do. But you do have the option of initiating an open, honest, adult conversation about this topic.
Post # 15
I am sorry OP, but you’re sounding 23, not 33. It’s fun to speculated about a romantic proposal, but I hope you’re not getting your hopes up for next week.
Grown ups don’t hint around. They have direct, grown up conversations about when to get married, expectations about money, kids, how to divide holidays, chores, etc. You are not a Victorian era maiden passively waiting for a suitor to come along.
The proposal itself can be a surprise, but you do need to hash these things out before engagement.