(Closed) Was I duped? (sorry this is long!)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did you mean it’s been 8 months since you talked about it, or 8 months since you moved in? When did you actually move in?

Post # 4
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Personally I don’t think you should have moved in with him before engagement if that was important to you. Now that the damage is done I would just have a serious conversation with him about a timeline. If he gives you a deadline and falters again, well then I would probably break it off.

Post # 7
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well 4 months isn’t that much of a wait. It’s only 16 weeks. I would continue to wait. However, you need to set YOURSELF an ultimatum. Tell yourself you are going to wait __ more months/weeks before you do something about it. It depends how important it is to you. It sounds pretty important from your first post. I just think you sound quite happy together, he sounds nice, thoughtful and sweet..wait a little while longer, it doesn’t sound like he’s the sort to dupe you.

Post # 8
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Very simply, I wouldn’t have started looking for places without a ring date, and deposits, but what is done is done. I’d sit down with your fiance and say that you feel duped and are hurt. You want to stay with him, but if that’s not what he wants, you’ll move on. If you aren’t engaged when you have to renew your lease, you’ll be looking for a new place to live until you are engaged. Then stay quiet about it for 6 months. If there is no action, start apartment hunting in front of him then.

Post # 9
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@princesswedding:  Agreed. He honestly could be planning something. Give it some time, yet.

Post # 11
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@duped:  I’m sorry to say this, but I think you were duped.

I have a friend (a wonderful, SMART woman) who went through this.  She moved in with her boyfriend thinking that they would soon be engaged.  Three years has gone by and still no proposal.  She moved out.  It really upset her boyfriend, but it was important to her to keep to her convictions. 

I hope that you work through this. 

Post # 13
Member
14656 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@plzhalp:  I agree.

You told him your feelings on it, yet you went ahead with moving in.  If it sound like he’s perfect, and everything else is great… his parents traveled around the globe to meet yours.. it’s going in the right direction and he’s not messing around.  It’s a shame you were so tainted by your bad breakup, but try to not let it ruin this too. 

Post # 14
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You should have never moved in with him without being engaged. It sounds like it was important to you but not important enough to stand your ground. Him saying “yes I know what this means” is not an engagement. The engagement doesn’t happen until the ring is on the finger. Being together two years isn’t that long but I’m 29, so I understand how you can feel like you’re on a timeline. My Fiance and I got engaged after a little under two years but there was a mutual understanding from day 1 about what we wanted. I was very clear about my timeline. We will be together over 3 years when we actually get married (15 month engagement to plan DW). Personally, I think you did this to yourself. No one on here can tell you how long to wait. Only you know how long you’re willing to wait on him to pop the question. I would do like the other ladies said, have another serious full-blown conversation. If he fails to follow through or if you aren’t engaged by the time your lease is up, move on. 

Post # 15
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You don’t sound needy, I totally get why you feel a bit insecure after what’s happened. I don’t think you need to though. He’s moved in with you (which is a commitment in itself for a lot of men) and does nice things for you, he’s agreed he will propose/marry you..it’s just a case of when. When my Fiance and I moved in together the first six months were crazy and you’re still getting used to living with someone. I honestly think he’s planning something. I just don’t get dodgy boyfriend vibes from your OP lol. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I think you should give it some more time… it sounds like you’ve clearly addressed this issue with him several times and he understands that you want a proposal.  I did something similar; moved in with my longtime bf, not long after moving in I told him the next step needed to be marriage and I basically waited roughly 8 or 9 months after that before he proposed.  5 months is not too long a time, and it sounds like you guys have a good relationship and unless he has expressly said “No, I’m not planning to propose” or “No I haven’t bought a ring”, I think it wouldn’t hurt to wait just a little longer.

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