(Closed) Was I overreacting?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I didn’t read PPs but I wanted to share a story.

Last summer we were at an event with FI’s family. We were taking down an EZ-Up tent, which has 4 upright metal legs with the little push buttons that you have to push in and the metal legs slide in and collapse. I was holding it in the wrong place, and my finger got piched in between the metal sliding pieces. It hurt so much and I yelled “my finger is caught I can’t get it out! OW OW!” Fiance ran over immediately and pulled the metal apart and was looking at my hand to make sure it was ok. It was fine, not even any blood. Just got pinched really hard and it HURT! But the rest of the day he kept saying how sorry he was that it had happened and how he was so scared, and when he heard me yell he felt like it was his finger that was stuck in there. And all he could do was get over to help as fast as he could and make sure I was ok.

That’s how a SO/FI/DH should act.

Post # 49
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

Have you guys been fighting lately, with all the moving stress, etc? His reaction, to me at least, sounds a bit resentful. I don’t think he was truly unconcerned with your suffering, but maybe he acted like that out of frustration or something.

To answer the original question, I don’t think expecting concern and help from your husband is an overreaction. But maybe there are other things going on.

Moving can be so exhausting, physically and otherwise. I’m glad your leg is ok.

Post # 51
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would have had the same reaction as you, and would initially be upset if he didn’t come see if I was alright/help me with my cut. But I wouldn’t let it create a huge argument. I’d let it go. 

Post # 53
Member
11404 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
@MrsBeck: I don’t get what people expected you to do, but the fact of the matter is whike it was crappy of yor DH to respond like that,  it also very typical of men. 

Under no circumstances should this be okay, just because its his go to when stresses, just like its not okay for you to complain all off the time, as you stated you were guilty of. 

He is responsible for you now, and needs to be a grown up, not a pouty baby. sorry if he doesn’t like being yelled at, but such is the course of accidents involving huge pieces of furniture. 

hopefully his friends are giving him the same rough treatment you got here, and telling him that this is no way to treat the girl he cherishes because  ( using the same generalization used to excuse his behavior) just like men don’t like being yelled at, women do not like being ignored when they are physically hurt. 

 Both of you need to adjust yourselves under stress, since life is unfortunately full of stressors. You can’t be a punching bag to each other. Be a team instead. 

 

Post # 54
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Whatever. All this “men don’t understand feeeeeeeeeelings” thing is such a bunch of crap. If someone dear to you is bleeding and crying, it should be a HUMAN reaction to go figure out what’s wrong with that person. If you happened to misunderstand the situation (“Oh! Wow, I didn’t realize how shaken up she was”) it’s the considerate thing to APOLOGIZE and THEN check in with that person to make sure they’re OK.

OP, you’re not overreacting. I would have laid down the law like Moses coming down off the freaking mountain: if you have reason to believe that I am injured, you come investigate!

Post # 55
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My SO would’ve laughed (his standard reaction to any diasaster scenario) and then undertaken the case to find me a band-aid or bandage etc for the bleeding. But the words out of my mouth would have bee “*scream* ow my leg, get it off me” so he would know what had happened.  Sometime I think we expect our SO’s to read our minds.  I’ve found I’m much happier with the results if I just blatantly set out my expectations.

 

Same goes for birthday/anniversary/important date.  I’ll give him two or three options about what I expect (romantic dinner out, flowers, gifts).  I don’t know which he will chose so it’s still a suprise, but I’m never dissapointed.

 

I’m fairly whiney at times too, so I deliberately do it in and extra whiney voice so he can easily tell the difference between whiney and serious.  Might sound like I’m “dumbing this down” for him,but he doesn’t take offence, and like I said, I’ve never been disappointed. Works for us!

Post # 56
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@village_skeptic:  +1

You were BLEEDING, OP. If the woman i love (if i was a man) no matter how whiny she is, is bleeding and hurt because something heavy hurt her i would run, get ir off and ask ih she’s ok. 

That’s also what DH would have done.

Post # 57
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@MrsBeck:  Yes I would have been very upset!! I think his initial reaction should have been to rush over to see if you’re ok.  My SO was over last yr to help me move to my new apt., I slipped down the stairs in my house while carrying a box.  He definitely came running over though my dad beat him to it.  I don’t have the whole picture on your relationship though – like if he is generally unempathetic, if you do complain too much, etc.  Regardless, I’d have a talk with him to explain why you were upset and try to hash out any underlying issues.

Post # 58
Member
2049 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m not allowed to help move stuff cause Fiance doesn’t want me to get hurt.  Iunno, that might hurt my feelings a bit, but as PP’s said, sometimthemes are in “move mode”.

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