(Closed) Was I raped?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not buying anyone over the age of, say, 16 getting blackout drunk after one glass of wine. Yes, I would say you were raped. Anytime you are unable to consent or you say no, it is rape. Do not feel guilty. I really urge you to get some counseling for this – sexual abuse can be really tough to deal with on your own, and even just a few sessions with someone to talk about it and process what happened can be so helpful.

Rape and sexual abuse are NEVER your fault. Having a drink does not make it okay for someone to take advantage of you.

www.rapeis.org/ and http://www.rainn.org/ are incredible resources that I hope help you.

 

Post # 4
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

First of all, I am so so so sorry you went through that. YES, it was rape. Without going into details, I was involved in a similarly confusing situation with a guy several years ago and was so depressed over it that I finally told my mom. She agreed that it was sex without consent.

I am really glad you are in counseling, as I have learned that the only way to get past the horrible feeling of being a rape victim is to talk about it and realize that IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

PM me if you want to talk privately!

Post # 5
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

I just read your entire post and I would say you were definitely raped. It sounds as if this individual (or another person at the party) slipped something in your drink. Anytime you are forced to do something without your consent and permission, that is rape. I am so sorry, dear!

Post # 6
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I am so so very sorry this happened to you.  I honestly would say yes.  You were raped.  If you had told him no, no means no, end of story.  I also believe from what you have told me he had to of slipped something into your drink.  No one really blacks out from one glass of wine- even their first time drinking.  I am so sorry you were taken advantage of in that way and that you have been going through this. 

You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything.  I would really try to work through this with your marriage councelor.  It sounds like he is onto something.  Usually when girls are taken advantage of in the way that you were some do have fear of a guy leaving them and you dont feel worthy of their love because you had someone take something so pure and innocent from you.

Just try to talk it out with your Fiance and your councelor.  I wish the best for you!!  ** Hugs**

Post # 7
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

this absolutely sounds like rape. it sounds like he put roophies in your drink to drug you and took advantage of you. it is not your fault. it’s really, really good that you’re working with a counselor on this.

Post # 8
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, it was rape.  I am sorry this happened to you.

ETA: You don’t have to verbally say no for it to be rape.  You were unable to consent due to your state from the alcohol or possible drugs.  

Post # 9
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@hidden3713: *hugs* I am sorry to hear this happened to you and am glad for you that you are talking through the confusion. Yes, you were raped. You were young and your welfare was compromised. Maybe you made a poor decision in succumbing to this guy’s wooing antics, staying at the party so long and choosing to have that glass of wine, but you did not choose to have sex with him and that is what it comes down to. You will work through the facts of the matter more coherently for yourself with the help of your counselor and your loving Fiance, and you will rebuild yourself past this unfortunate event. Best wishes to you.

Post # 10
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with all of the other bees on here.  It definitely sounds like rape.  This is NOT something you should feel guilty about.  IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  Seriously, one glass of wine is NOT enough to black out.  At all.  Please please please see a counselor about this.  

And remember.  This is not your fault.  NO ONE deserves to not consent to sex.  NO ONE.  Not even if you have one drink or 17.

Post # 11
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yes, you were raped. MOST rapes go down like this — in which a person in a vulnerable situation is taken advantage of by a friend or aquaintance. It’s not usually a stranger in a dark alley. There is no doubt that what happened to you is rape. I am SO sorry you have experienced this, but I’m glad you had some validation in your counseling. 

Post # 12
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You were definitely raped! I am so sorry 🙁 I dont really have anything else to add but a virtual hug.

Post # 13
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Unfortunately, you were raped.  One glass of wine would not put you over the edge to the point you wouldn’t know where, when, and what happened.  I immediately thought of the possiblity of drugs being slipped into your drink. 

I’m sorry this happened to you.

Post # 14
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I completely understand your feelings. Yes, you were drugged and raped. I experienced this a few years ago and it actually caused the engagement I was in to be broken b/c I had NO clue what had happened other then I woke up in someone elses bed… it took weeks for me to piece together being drugged and all and by that time the relationship was in ruins.

I am SO sorry you experienced this and understand how b/c of the lack of memory it’s easy to question if it really was rape….. I’m glad it came out in your pre-marital counseling and that you got support in it!

Post # 15
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Yes, that was rape.  I’m a total lightweight when it comes to alcohol, and 1 glass gets me a bit tipsy, not blacking out.  I’m sure he drugged the wine.  

Post # 16
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with the negative, long-lasting effects of this. :/ It sounds like you’ve experienced “date rape”. Most date rapes include either (or both) alcohol and drugs. He took advantage of your trust and your body without your permission. You don’t have to say “no” and you cannot give consent while intoxicated (depending on state laws). We typically think of rape as the scary man hiding in the bushes but this is so NOT true. Guilt/shame are typical emotional responses, too. Please know that you were not an active participant in what happened. You should be able to hang out with a guy and have a drink without being a victim.

*Hugs* to you, hun. Please PM me if you need someone to talk to that has been there. 🙂

 

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