(Closed) Was I raped?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I’m so sorry you experienced this!!  Yes, it was rape and you did not deserve any of what was done to you. 🙁

Had you ever told your Fiance about this experience before the counselor brought it up?  I would suggest you find a good counselor you trust to help you process your emotions about what happened, and allow your Fiance to help you work through this painful memory.  

Post # 33
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

+1 to everyone else saying that he likely drugged the wine, and that since you did not consent, it was rape. Even if he DIDN’T drug the wine and you still had a strong reaction to it, you were not in a clear state of mind, and therefore were LEGALLY INCAPABLE of consent. Because you weren’t sober, it doesn’t matter if you’d led HIM to the room, taken off your clothes, and said “Come at me, bro!” — you were not legally able to give consent. None of that happened, of course — you said no, and the encounter happened anyway. That’s non-consensual sex.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. None of it was your fault at all.

Anything you are feeling right now is OK to feel. I’m so glad that you’re in counseling right now. If you need to explore this in more detail, then you should, especially since you seem to have a lot of guilt feelings tied up in this. However! This is going to sound weird, but it’s also OK to decide that that was one TERRIBLE thing that happened in the past — but you’re not there anymore, you’re with a wonderful man who loves you and with who you enthusiastically consent to enjoy sex. Like I said, any feelings you’re feeling are OK right now. You shouldn’t have to feel like this is the thing that defines you forever.

 

Post # 34
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It was rape. I know how you feel. I’ve had a similar situation occur to me (I got reallly really drunk at a party and it was a guy I was hanging out with’s party. I went to his bedroom to go to sleep because I was puking all night long and had the spins. I woke up to him on top of me…inside me and I was like..wait what the hell?! Like I was motionless and ASLEEP, how does this seem right to this guy?! This is also not the first time I’ve slept in his bed, so it’s not like I was “asking for it” because I was in his bed)…and you question if it was rape? Did I do something while I was “drunk” or whatever to make him think I wanted it? Is it rape because I was under the influence? I’m in the same exact position. I don’t really know what it is considered because….I wasn’t fully there, I didn’t fight back because I was in a drunken slumber asleep! It’s just so hard because that too was my virginity as well. 

 

I think anytime a guy takes advantage of a situation whether you are drunk or drugged…it is rape because YOU are not in a clear state to say no or fight back.

Post # 35
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@ashleyyyg: I don’t really know what it is considered because….I wasn’t fully there, I didn’t fight back because I was in a drunken slumber asleep!

As you went on to say later…it’s considered rape. You don’t have to “fight back” for it to be rape. Not all rape is violent, despite the fact that it’s portrayed that way on TV. Anytime that someone decides to initiate or continue a sexual encounter without your consent, that’s rape. If you didn’t say yes in a lucid frame of mind, then your partner didn’t have consent. 

Also…I’m so sorry that this happened to you as well. I hope you’ve been able to do what you need to do to process this and move on to happy, healthy, consensual relationships.

Post # 36
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

sounds like rape yes..buyt if you were so unconfident and was not you to be around drinks and in such enviroment, i wish you didnt stay there..but we dont know what future holds for us right.

 

sorry about what happened. and one more reason WHY PEOPLE NEED TO SAY NO TO LIQUOR NO MATTER WHAT YOUR AGE IS.

Post # 37
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Umm you blacked out after one drink?  That is not normal and yes you were raped.  I would consider counseling to help you get past this.

Post # 38
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Bella88: What?! What an idiotic blanket statement to make! Drinking alcohol is the norm for many, many people on these boards. One just needs to know their limits and drink in moderation. Having a glass of wine is not a crime or frowned upon by most societies..

And honestly, why are you judging the OP? She was very young and under a LOT of pressure. You cant tell me that you have never made a mistake while under peer pressure.

Post # 40
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What are you talking about? The OP had ONE DRINK that was roofied by some loser. Obviously it wasnt the alcohol alone that caused her to black out. I have had my fair share of alcohol and I have never had memory loss or blacked out from it. Having a glass of wine can be relaxing and can help one unwind. Perhaps you should try it before you get all worked up because I called you out on some ridiculous statement on how no one should drink ever.

Also, this is judging:

“buyt if you were so unconfident and was not you to be around drinks and in such enviroment, i wish you didnt stay there..but we dont know what future holds for us right.”

You said that. Its callous and not appropriate, given what the OP has gone through.

Post # 41
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

yes yes sure. as long as i know im sincere about it what you say it out the window.this is not your chance to be all that; there is literally a rape victim here..say no more!

Post # 42
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Bella88: Exactly. Have a little more compassion for her.

Post # 43
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

View original reply
@Bella88: yes, she is a rape victim, we are all aware of that and incredibly sorry for what she’s gone through. But she did not get blackout drunk from one drink. That bastard spiked her drink. It had nothing to do with alcohol. They can just as easily do it to pop or any other drink. It is tasteless and colorless. Alcohol is just easier because they can ‘blame’ the victim for getting drunk. 

Telling her that she is ‘unconfident’ and need to drink to feel special is an asinine thing to say. Incredibly tasteless and bordering on blaming the victim. 

I’m hoping it’s your severe lack of grammar and sensical sentence structure that is making me misunderstand what you are saying.

Post # 44
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@hisgoosiegirl: +1000

Also, while it certainly sounds like someone messed with OP’s drink intentionally, I just wanted to add that legally, you cannot give consent to sex when you’re drunk. So even if, hypothetically, it was only alcohol that caused the blackout and no drugs were slipped in, it’s still rape because she wasn’t in a condition to give consent. Just wanted to throw that out there.

(And I’m not saying that everyone who has had sex while drunk is bad or a rapist/rape victim, just that you legally can’t give consent when drunk.)

Post # 45
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I am so, so sorry.

And YES, it was rape. You blacked out after one glass of wine — that practically screams that you were drugged. That alone is enough, especially considering that you would have been unquestionably impaired to an outsider, and it’s rape to have sex with someone whose judgement is that impaired, even if they’re begging you to have sex with them. Not to mention that you ALSO remember saying no.

This is NOT. YOUR. FAULT.

Post # 46
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes.  If it’s not consensual (which it can’t be if you were drugged or too drunk to remember), it’s rape.  This is not your fault, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.  You were taken advantage of, and while there were probably things you *could* have done to help avoid the situation, let’s face it–hindsight is always 20/20.  The point is, no one has the right to take advantage of you like that.

I also recommend you see a therapist of your own to help you process this.  It will really, really help.

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