- 3 weeks ago
I am a longtime reader but never actually posted something. Today I am in need of advice from people that can look at my situation objectively – especially because nobody in my life knows that this was going on.
I‘m 34 and met a guy almost 20 years older than me at work. We always got along very well and whenever he was at work he was sitting in my office, working on his things until he had to go to meetings (he‘s from the same country as I am but works in another neighbor country. Our company has different branches in the world. We‘re the main headquarter so he has to come here often)
There was never any flirting, until one day when he looked me in the eye and I just knew that something clicked between us. From that point forward things kind of started happening, we talked a bit more etc.. it took him a few more weeks but he eventually asked me out.
We had a few very romantic dates, we kissed, he was holding my hand, we walked hand in hand etc.. he always asked for the next date while still being on the date. He never pushed for sex and we didn’t have any. Things were going very well (or so I thought), it seemed like we clicked and he started making more plans and opening up, no fast forwarding, no over the top declarations of love or whatever… I was head over heels for him without ever imagining I could like someone 20 years older than me.
Our two next dates were already planned when Corona happened and now we didn’t see each other for over 2 months.
However, he always reached out, almost every day. He was sweet, caring, funny, said he thinks of me.. etc. Until he just randomly stopped. At first i didn’t think anything of it until i had to reach out to him due to business reasons and he was acting kind of cold and distant. He didn’t reach out afterwards. Now he’s planning on being here soon and I am so confused and just don’t understand what happened.
There‘s a crucial part to the story though:
On our first date I asked him if he was married..He told me he’s living separated from his wife for over a year and the divorce papers are signed and a few details that are too boring to share but basically that the divorce will be through in a few months. The details he said I know are correct and I don’t think he lied about it (too long to explain why I think that way).. the only thing that was kind of weird was that he said nobody at work knows about his marriage ending yet (they were married for 30 years!)
so….. now I am sitting here wondering if I am the stupidest woman on earth and he isn’t separated.
Or if he lost interest because of other reasons like cold feet.
He wasn’t very careful because he was walking around with me hand in hand, we went to public places etc, the company is huge, many people could’ve easily seen us. And besides dates and kisses he didn’t even get sex!He was acting so in love with me, he treated me very well … and now all of a sudden he’s cold and distant without giving me a reason!
I wish I didn’t get my hopes up because I can’t avoid him since we kind of work together.
it hurts and I wish I could understand what happened.
Any insights or gut feelings you want to share? I‘d be very happy for input. Do You think i was being lied to? or what else could it be so suddenly? And why is he so eager to come to the company so soon although there are still restrictions?? I am normally very good in reading people and I believed him. He doesn’t appear to be a player or even liar.