Post # 1
Hope you can help me out with an issue I’m having.
My coworker got married recently. She sent everyone in the office a link to gift her money for her honeymoon.
I wasn’t invited to the wedding (it was a DW), and I couldn’t go to the reception dinner she had in town. Also, I come from a culture where gifts are optional. And asking for money rubbed the wrong way, so I didn’t give any money. (since I didn’t attend her dinner).
Also, we get close to the same salary, and we are paid VERY comfortably to afford a nice honeymoon. (Her wedding itself was destination, so I figured a second honeymoon was not extremely needed). Of course, that’s her prerogative. But, these are the reasons I chose not to gift.
Today, the bride came back from her vacation. She came into the room which I share with another coworker B, who is a close friend of the bride. The bride handed a candy box to B.
I was minding my bysiness when she came to me, looked in her bag and asked “You didn’t give me a gift right?” and then left the room.
I wanted to melt into the floor. I am so mortified. Should I have given her a gift? I seriously didn’t know it was required! How do I fix this?
Post # 3
I would have said “nope” and smiled, but Im mean 😉
You don’t fix it, she is being rude.
Post # 4
I guess since you were invited to the in-town reception it would be considered reasonable to ‘expect’ a gift from you, but you shouldn’t have felt obligated and she absolutely should not have said that to you.
Post # 5
@ScorpioBee: Wow, she was the rude one, not you. Be happy you didn’t give a gift – she doesn’t deserve it.
Post # 6
Nope, I think it’s fine. She was rude to say that! I would have turned to her and said, oh did you have a real registry where you werent just asking people for money?
Post # 7
What a cow. Try not to let it upset up you are not wrong in my opinion.
I don’t understand these days why so many people are so greedy.
Post # 8
That is very rude! There is no way you should have given her a gift (and you should be glad now that you know what kind of a person she really is)
Post # 9
Absolutely rude on her behalf!! Agree with @LGenz: , I would have said “no, I didn’t!!” How ruuuude!
Post # 10
Ummm, SHE’S being the rude one for calling out publicly who she did and did not receive gifts from. That’s really no one’s business besides yours and hers. And whatever. It’s your CHOICE not to give a gift. I wouldn’t have wanted to gift money either and depending on how close I am to the couple, if I don’t attend any part of the wedding or reception I may not send a gift either. WHATEVER. People are such bitches.
Post # 11
You didn’t do anything wrong. She’s greedy and rude.
Post # 12
WOW. Somebody is going to Etiquette Hell. (Seriously, you should submit her.)
You did absolutely nothing wrong. If you don’t attend a wedding, you needn’t give a gift. (Otherwise, don’t you think the “Gimme Pigs” would send out a LOT more invitations?) It’s always a nice thing to do, but if you aren’t close to her she DEFINITELY shouldn’t have expected it, and she is acting like a four-year-old.
That’s way out of line. How can she know your exact financial situation? Just because you make about the same amount doesn’t mean you aren’t supporting aging parents, paying hefty student loans, or paying off expensive medical treatments for you or your SO. What if you just don’t like giving your credit card info over the Internet, or simply forgot? Since you have a year to give a gift by some sets of rules, how does she know you weren’t planning to get her something–or that you haven’t already, and are just waiting for a convenient time to drop it off? Sheesh. Where are all these rude-ass people coming from?
Post # 13
Wow, I am floored by this incredibly rude woman! The nerve! Yeah agree, you are so much better off that you didn’t give her a gift.
Post # 14
no, she is being extremely rude
Post # 15
What she said was totally rude! I don’t think it was wrong at all not to give her a gift. I wouldn’t have either if I couldn’t attend her dinner or the wedding. And I don’t think I would be upset with people if they didn’t give me a gift for my wedding either.
Post # 16
wow!! that is so rude!!!!
anyone who is invited to the reception is “expected” to give a gift… at least that’s what i’ve heard. however, i’m definitely not planning on receiving gifts from people who aren’t coming.