- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
One of m bridesmaids seems to have fallen off the face of the earth- our last phone conversation was TWO MONTHS ago and every time I try to get together, something comes up (we live 2 hours apart, so it’s phone and occasional get-togethers for us now). I have tried time and time again to reach her over the last two months, with voicemails, text messages, etc. I’ve never understood being so busy that you can’t spend 5-10 minutes on the phone with a good friend, but I digress. Long story short, there was no room for me in her life for a long time.
So, I got a little upset one night (and perhaps a bit intoxicated) that she hadn’t responded to me at all, and I sent her a Facebook message to see if she owuld even still be able to be in the wedding, since I hadn’t heard from her in ages, and last I knew she was goung to buy her plane ticket by the end of october (the message was sent around this time), but I had heard nothing. Since I knew she had recently become unexpectedly unemployed, I figured it was a financial issue, since we are getting married abroad. This is what I said:
“Bridesmaid, I just wanted to send you a message about the wedding. It seems like you have been very distant lately. I have been trying to contact you with details about the wedding for some time, but it seems like you are unavailable to talk to me. I know you have been busy, however, I would really love for you to be there as a friend. I know you are having financial difficulties, but I would like to know whether you will be able to be there for me or not. I’m okay if you cannot be there, however I’d like to know earlier rather than later. Please be honest with me, because I’d rather plan for you to be there (or not) than count on you when that is not the case. I know you have a lot going on, but it only seems fair that you let me know whether you are planning on coming. Thanks, I hope to hear from you soon. -Bride”
Her response was simply “RUDE! Rude message.” I don’t feel that I had said anything rude (except for maybe I should have asked how she has been doing, first, but I had tried tons of times over text to see how she was).
Since I sent the original message, she replied several days later, but basically only to say that she has been going through a lot and that she won’t be able to make it. I asked her to tell me how I offended her, so would know for the future, and she has said nothing.
What do you think? Was I rude? If you voted “yes”, please explain in what way, as I’m sort of at a loss here.