(Closed) Was I supposed to call my FMIL to talk about the ring?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i never heard of this as an etiquette thing myself. i am not big on knowing all the formal rules of etiquette, but i am pretty sure this is not considered something you are “supposed” to do!  i certainly didn’t!

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

after my hubby put the ring on we visited my mother and then his parents – if we had lived in different states i feel that we would have phoned them together but i dont know if there is any set expectation to do so

i think its nice (well i hope it is) that your Fiance felt comfortable enough to tell you how his wife was feeling  –  hopefully he texted you in a polite manner and after you see her on friday everyone is back to normal and no hurt feelings

 

Post # 5
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know that this is ettiquette, just something she was hoping you would do. But how much can you possibly say? Call her and say, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you about it, but I wanted to show you in person. Words can’t really describe how gorgeous it is.”

Now if he showed it to her before hand, maybe she would have expected a call since she knew what it looked like. But I just don’t know that there is that much to say about it other than that it is pretty and it has a certain stone. Let her see it herself.

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s not etiquette to have to call her, but it might have be nice to start to bond/build a relationship with her to make the rest of your life easier.  Maybe you could call her about your dress or plans in the future….

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have a different relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law than most people do. We do all sorts of stuff together and talk on the phone a few times a week. My FIL’s knew that Fiance was proposing when he did but I was the one that called her (she was on vacation with her girlfriends) to tell her the good news, not Fiance. 

I can sort of see why she would be a little disappointed that you didn’t call her. I’m sure she just wanted to be excited with you. I would suck it up and give her a call. 10 minutes out of your day isn’t too much to ask to make her happy. 

Post # 9
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@artichokesalad: I don’t think it’s something your “supposed” to do but I think it is a nice gesture. Like @CaitMarae: she probably was just very excited and wanted to hear how excited you were. I would say maybe shoot her an email and just say something like “I hope you weren’t offended/sad/upset/mad that I didn’t call to talk. I promise we will catch up on details really quick on Friday. Super excited to see you! ArtichokeSalad.” Or something along those lines. No need to call because you are going to see her but just letting her know that you didn’t forget about her and you do want to talk about it would be a quick way to clear the air.

Post # 10
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I did not call my Future Mother-In-Law once we got engaged. Darling Husband called his family and I called mine. I see them fairly frequently, so we talked in person the following weekend. I don’t usually call her myself unless it’s about something for Darling Husband, like his b-day.

I don’t think you were “supposed” to call her. I wouldn’t worry about it and just keep her included in the plans as you go forward. It sounds like she’s pretty reasonable, wants to be included and likes you, so that’s great!

Post # 11
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No, it’s definitely not something you were supposed to know to do. She’s being unreasonable.  But one thing I have learned from these boards is that people have very different and VERY strongly held expectations of what in-law relationships should look like!  The only time I’ve EVER talked to my Future In-Laws on the phone was after my Fiance had surgery and I called to tell them he was fine.  But other people are deeply hurt when their ILs don’t call them personally on a regular basis. So I think it’s a matter of managing expectations – yours and theirs both.

Post # 12
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah, that isn’t an etiquette question and more of a preference thing. You had no way of knowing how she wanted you to handle it. If she were that excited about it, the phone lines work both ways….IMO.

Post # 13
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I didn’t even call my family when I got engaged, instead I just send out a massive text to everyone.  Then after we got back from dinner I sent out an email with pictures of the ring.  I hate the phone though, so I avoid it as much as possible.  

To me it seems like its just something she would have liked you to do, not an etiquette thing.  Hopefully she understands and won’t hold it against you.

Post # 15
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ha. don’t worry! My Future Sister-In-Law actually called me the next day to ask all about the proposal, ring, etc.. Because my Fiance mostly talked to his dad.

It’s awesome that she was interested! Maybe she is interested in having a closer relationship with you… Maybe try calling her a few times a month?? Also, depending on your comfort level, you could invite her to lunch and try to figure out what each expects of the other… Every family is different!

Post # 16
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Oh, I haven’t heard this one. Don’t worry! I think that this is just her expectation, and not the norm. You should mention it to your Fiance – he might not have told his mom about the ring so she’s just curious. You can also just text her a picture of it and say a brief comment about it.

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