(Closed) Was I Wrong to Take Him Back?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Alarae:  You’re not an idiot. He doesn’t sound nasty, manipulative, abusive or any of those sorts of things. I would say if you feel it is right you should try again, but you should start gently and ease yourselves back into the relationships. Live apart, don’t spend nights at each other’s place to start out, have proper date nights and get back to knowing each other again, to understand how you drifted apart.

Make sure most importantly you protect your heart, and don’t fall head over heels, or feel like you owe him anything. A relationship has to be equal, and you both need to know the other is committed. Hope things work out well for you.

Post # 3
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

You’re definitley not an idiot!  It’s great that you two can talk openly.  Maybe some couples’ counseling would help at this point?

Post # 4
629 posts
Busy bee

Alarae:  Only you can answer that question but I can provide an opinion from the outside based on what you’ve said. Sometimes people only know what they’ve lost once it’s gone. Perhaps seeing you leave made something click inside his man brain and he realized that he does want to be with you. Should it have taken that? No. But sometimes it does. 

Relationships are not always fun and they often take work. The first year you referenced is often blissful and exicitng and to keep that passion alive, you need to work at it or else things become “same old.” It sounds like you’re willing to but is he? 

People are imperfect creatures and sometimes we all need a second chance. You’ve already taken him back and it doesn’t matter what anyone on the outside says – you love him and it sounds like you want to try. My advice? Take the control away from him and have him await YOUR final decision based on how he acts going forward. 

He needs to prove himself to you. Don’t act desperate to keep him because that almost never ends well. Command respect and you will get it. If you allow him to be wishy washy and change his mind about something so important, you open yourself to a world of hurt. 

Post # 5
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

somethingblue04:  pretty much what I was going to say only worded better 🙂

Post # 6
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014


Kellym84:  I agree. It wasn’t like he cheated on you and then hid it until you found out and then tried to pin it on you for being distant–he was respectful and tried his best to end things cleanly in a bad situation. I don’t think there’s any reason NOT to try again, unless you don’t feel it’s right.

Post # 7
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

Alarae:  No, you’re not an idiot.  However, maybe you need to be talking about your relationship in A LOT LESS DETAILS to your co-workers.

Post # 8
6173 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Marriage is a huge committment an an engagement is a promise to marry; it is ok to step back if the relationship is not where it should be in order to compromise.  It seems your SO has been honest and if you feel in your heart that you want to give your relationship another chance that is your decision to make as a couple.  We outsiders can give our opinion and advise, but the ultimate decision is only yours.  Trust your instincts. 

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