Post # 1
My parents have complained about the date, the size, and just about everything. She is critical of my clothes in everyday life. And the only thing she has done to help is to address the envelopes of the people she wants there. When I have asked her to do other things, they haven’t gotten done. I asked my parents about helping pay, and they said they would, then they said they wouldn’t, then finally with less than 2 months to go, finally did help. (I bought the dress when I believed they weren’t helping. My mother is complaining that she didn’t get to go dress shopping with me and that she hasn’t seen the dress (currently getting altered). My parents are also upset that their names weren’t on the invitations, although I had told them I would put them on if they were helping, and they only agreed to help pay after I had printed them. Of the 110-120 people we are having at the wedding, we invited about 25 people they wanted. (They wanted about 100.) Am I being unreasonable?
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
I don’t think so. It seems like they’re being the unreasonable ones. I’m sorry your parents are being so frustrating. 🙁 I think you’re in the right.
Post # 4
To an extent, I can understand your frustrations… and it sounds like they have no reason to complain about the invites since you told them what you were planning on doing if they weren’t helping, and they were printed before they decided to contribute.
As far as the date and size go, all of those things are big things (usually) that are decided in the beginning of planning and can’t usually be changed with only 2 months left so they should let it go.
However, I’m surprised you didn’t include your mom in your dress shopping. Was it because they weren’t going to contribute? Or was she initially not interested, and now all of a sudden she’s upset she wasn’t there? Do you have pictures you could show her while she waits to see it in person?
I would try to include your parents in your planning more, even if they are frustrating you. Even though it IS your day, it’s usually a big day for parents too.
Post # 5
I didn’t include my mom because it would have made it more stressful. I brought a supportive friend and later my sister. My mother is so critical of my clothes and I knew when I finally found something I liked (which was hard) that she would criticize it and I wouldn’t feel as good in it. I was also upset because she and my father kept harrassing me to change the date, even though that was the only time we could get the priest and the church.
Post # 6
Well, I am a horrible person so I would usually just tell them to shove it. Parents or not. But really, they are being unreasonable. Most people don’t know how wedding planning works and parents forget that it is different in this day and age. So be patient, sit them down, have a single discussion about the whole thing and then refuse to talk about it anymore. Remember this is suppose to be a joyous occasion. Not just for them but also you. If your mother wants to help in order not to feel left out, assign her something that won’t be missed if it doesn’t happen. Or assign something and be on her ass about it (though that might make matters worst. never mind)
Post # 7
Sometimes parents forget that you’re a grown-up and can make your own decisions. The best you can do is handle every zing with as much grace and dignity you can muster, and hope that everything gets smoothed over after the big day (once it’s over, it’s over!)
Post # 8
That’s frustrating. Maybe you could just have them pay for the 25 people they invited? That way, it would still be you paying for your wedding, they’re just paying for additional people they want to invite. The invitations would still be correct at least.
Be careful when dealing with your parents before the wedding – I would avoid them as much as possible and try not to share too many details. They seem a little unstable with thier emotions regarding your wedding and might try to take it out on you.
Post # 9
I’m sorry your parents are being so difficult. You are definitely not being the unreasonable one. It sounds like you were very clear (i.e., contribute = names on invitation) and they failed to deliver. Keep strong and enjoy *your* wedding.