Was it easy for you to decide to have kids (or not)? POLL included!

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: How did you decide to have/not have kids?
    I always knew in my gut that i wanted/didn't want kids. It was a natural and obvious decision. : (103 votes)
    61 %
    I had an event happen in my life (ex. meeting SO, unplanned pregnancy) that made the decision clear. : (21 votes)
    12 %
    I never had strong feelings either way and it was a real struggle to decide/I'm still deciding. : (34 votes)
    20 %
    I never had strong feelings either way but it doesn't stress me out (at least not yet!). : (12 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    5817 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I was totally on the fence and unfortunately so was Darling Husband. It seemed like whenever one of us wanted a kid the other one was leaning no kids. I thought pregnancy was strange and gross and that the first few years would be a sleepless hell. After much arguing we decided to TTC and we have an 18 month old. Oddly enough I really enjoyed pregnancy and our son is the fucking best. Now we’re arguing about whether to have a second ๐Ÿ™ƒ

    Post # 32
    Member
    1666 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I always knew that I wanted to be a mom oneday. That was never a question. I’ve been with my husband since High-school (a decade) and now that we’ve travelled, bought a home and got married, we decided to ttc. And got pregnant right away. It was a shock lol. 

    I always thought I’d be one of those moms who revels in my birth experience, exclusively breastfeeding, cloth nappies, become a full time Stay-At-Home Mom. the whole lot. Seriously. 

    Now that I’m pregnant and it’s actually happening, I have absolutely no inclination for any of it. I want to be a mom, but that’s the extent of it.

    I’ve booked in a planned cesarean through a private obstetrician. I don’t want to risk even a tiny chance of tearing downstairs and the waiting around for birth etc to start causes me anxiety and couldn’t care less about a birth experience of any kind, and don’t plan on even trying to breastfeed – during my pregnancy my boobs got so sore that even wearing a bra felt like sandpaper and I just can’t fathom why I’d turn my body into a big milking cow for months on end. I have small perky breasts and love them. Lol.

    I’m doing disposable nappies too because I realised doing washing everyday is not for me and I’m returning to work after 6 months at home.

    I’m only 4 months pregnant at this point and I’ve been sick or in pain practically everyday as well.

    Always thought I’d want a brood of kids but I like money and free time too much ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ so we might brave just one more then be done with it!!

    Just do what’s right for you, no one lives with the consequences of your decisions but you and your family. Opinions are inconsequential. Xx 

    Post # 33
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    I turn 33 in three weeks. I’ve always been on the fence (as is FI). I assumed that I would know for certain one way or the other by now, and it scares me a bit that I’m still so ambivalent. I love kids and there are some aspects of motherhood that genuinely appeal to me (the whole “full human experience” thing and all that). But there are so many other aspects of it that terrify me. I mean…it’s the biggest commitment a person can make. I’m so scared I’ll be an awful mother. 

    Sometimes I think I’ve hyped myself up for the worst-case scenario and if I do have a baby, I’ll be surprised about how it isn’t complete and utter hell (for the few few months, at least). Just not sure at this point whether I want to take that gamble, though. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    cbgg :  I’m one of those people who just knew from the get go that I didn’t want kids. People have always told me it’s “worth it” and I do believe that it is worth it to them. But it wouldn’t be worth it to me, because I never want to be a parent.  It’s like any experience. If you want it bad enough, than the positives outweigh the negatives and it’s worth it. But if you never wanted that experience to begin with than no amount of positives will outweigh the negative.  

    Post # 35
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee

    cbgg :  Raising kids is not the richest human experience if you dont want or are indifferent to kids. You sound like you have a nice life. You dont need to have children just because everyone else is doing it. 

    I realized as a teenager I didnt want kids and still dont. Being around children and listening to how parents talk about their kids always makes me glad I am not having them, too.

    Post # 36
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee

    cbgg :  First, what is a DINK? lol

    I don’t really remember playing mom when i was younger but some people really do know that they are meant for children, for example my cousin always knew she wanted to have kids and when she did it was the most natural transition. Even giving birth was easy, like minimal pain and her son was born in less then 20 minutes.

    I like the idea of babies and pregnancy but the idea of a baby that will eventually grow to be a bratty 7 year old is what terrifies me or that as an adult they will make all the wrong decisions, like becoming addicted to heroin. My heart flutters at the picture of myself and Fiance snuggled in a bed tickling our baby’s feet but I know that’s not enough to commit to a life long responsibility of caring for another human. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    2634 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    cbgg :  I never really planned to. I have 4 step kids now though. I went through period of thinking I’d have one when we only had 2 kids living with us, but after the other 2 came to live here there was no way. I thought I could maybe handle a total of 3, but 4 is too much and I’m not masocist enough to make it 5.

    Post # 38
    Member
    706 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I currently see babies and want to blubber that I do not have one. We have been putting it off due to my mother being a hot mess. (Disabled, upcoming back surgery, old, needing to sell her home because I’ve been paying half of it for 8 years) We will finally get to TTC later this year. Of course this year my period decided to go wonky so praying that gets back in sync. 

    We could be happy with no kids and do not plan to do IVF if there is issues. More so I at least want to try. If the universe decides no then I’m okay with it. We may adopt at that point depending on a few things but otherwise we will travel and have fun.

    Post # 39
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    This has been a tough one for me in recent years. When I was younger I always assumed I would have kids. After long term experience with my nephew (taking care of him like a parent) it changed my perspective somewhat. It showed me the day to day taking care of kids, and how it weighed on me. He wasn’t a baby, he was a great kid, no disabilities, nothing- probably the easiest ride of taking care of  a kid I could get. 

    Now I’m very hesitant with having kids- although sometimes emotionally I want them (for the highlight stuff that is great) but not the rest that comes with it. For the moment the answer is no, but I think I’m stalling on calling it a “permanent” no.  I think we will have one, at some point. But that would have to be soon beccause the older I get the less open I am to it.

    I obviously have some real cognitive dissonance over this whole thing. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    2459 posts
    Buzzing bee

    when I was younger I never wanted kids. But when I met my Darling Husband I just knew. I pictured our future with kids, dogs, the whole shebang.

    I will also say that I think I was so hesitant about kids before because my father passed away when I was very young and I’ve always been scared of something like that happening to me. Since my dad passed away I was raised by my mother who was not meant to be a mom. She was terrible. But once I met my Darling Husband I know that we would get through anything because he was my life partner. 

    I also think us having pets together helped me see what a great father he would be and how much I want a little one of us running around. ๐Ÿ˜

    Now I am baby crazy and can’t wait until we start ttc. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1173 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

    bee123456789 :  I’m in the UK, I had to fight it really hard to get it done, I was ensured I’d change my Mind and was patronised to hell for wanting it done.

    it was a tough road and I had to go back over and over 

    Post # 42
    Member
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2018 - The Venue, Barkisland, UK

    chrissybee :  the pregancy/birth/baby/toddler bit is what terrifies me, so how about you do the first few years and I’ll take over from there?! wink

    In all seriousness, neither Fiance nor I are certain about kids either way. Fiance reckons he’s indifferent but I think that this is too big a decision to be indifferent about it! I kind of always assumed I’d have two, and said I wanted the first by the time I was 30. Well I’m 30 in a couple of weeks and less sure than ever! If I were to daydream about it I see us with one, but she’s probably 6 years old in my head and I’m glossing over the early years. I’m not a family oriented person generally.

    Other people’s kids scare me; I don’t know how to interact with them and particularly young children/babies who can’t communicate because what if they start crying and I can’t get them to stop? Fiance has a half brother who’s 18 years younger so he has more experience than me and I think he’d be a great dad. Somebody said I would be a great mom but I’m not sure what they’re measuring that on. I have suffered with anxiety and depression in the past and I have this fear of pregnancy/motherhood making it worse, plus I have zero maternal instinct.

    There’s an argument that it’s not a good time/feasible to have a baby right now so maybe when we’ve bought a house/feel more financially stable we’ll start coming round to the idea. Of course I could get pregnant and may feel differently when faced with the situation. Until recently I was adamant I’d terminate whilst things are how they are, but 4 months ago a friend lost a baby and having seen how it affected them.. well you don’t know until you’re in the situation and have to make a choice. I consider myself lucky that I would have a choice, as I know many are less fortunate.

    The only thing that really bothers me is what if we both decide, 100% certain, but one of us wants kids and the other doesn’t? I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

    ETA, I think I could happily adopt, but Fiance says if he were to have children he’d want biological children. Not sure on that myself.

    Post # 43
    Member
    656 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    It was a hard decision for me. I wanted kids, but I have some bad family background I didn’t want to pass on. I nearly ended up deciding to stay single for life. Thank goodness Darling Husband is as different from my family as you can get. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    1448 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    BeeDD :  this is me! For years I jokingly told my mom that when I had kids she could raise them until they were around 4-5 and then I would take over. Idk what it is with me & babies but I just have no interest & don’t get the hype. I like when kids are old enough to not be watched 24/7 & when they can actually have conversation. I hate when people ask me to hold their babies because it scares me lol

    Post # 45
    Member
    1777 posts
    Buzzing bee

    bee123456789 :  I have one, and 12 nieces and nephews. You know what I like about babies, handing them back to their parents when I’m done being fun aunty. Mine is 11, everthing from abotu 4 is pretty much awesome. The toddler years and infant years are the best birth control in the world.

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