(Closed) "Was it planned?"

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 32
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Treejewel19:  I mean, if it were my mum asking me behind closed doors or something, I’d probably laugh and say yes (or no, whichever is true), and trust that she wouldn’t blab to people. My mum’s cool.

But for just acquaintances or even friends and other family to be asking stuff like that? Yeesh.

Post # 33
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So rude. Yuck. Congratulations on the pregnancy 🙂

Post # 34
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@CakeyP:  Man!! So RUDE! I’d say “Were YOU planned?” and give them my master stink eye.

Lol yes this!!! 

Post # 35
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have only told a few close people so far, but pretty much every single person has asked me if it was planned. I get that I am a younger mom (25), but really? I have been with my now husband for 10 years, we both have excellent jobs that pay well….what does it matter if it was or wasn’t planned? I’m at the point where I want to start responding rudely back to them.

My favourite was when we told my DH’s parents. My Mother-In-Law asked if it was planned or “if we just did it” (wtf?). When we said it was planned, she came back an hour later and said “So, I was thinking about when the night you guys would have conceived….” Jesus lady, please stop thinking and asking questions about your son’s sex life!

 

Post # 36
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We were asked this question when I was expecting our daughter 2 year ago. I think the question isn’t tasteful whatsoever…but I didn’t really mind disclosing. She was planned. I had both friends and acqaintances ask. People are rude and curious. It’s fine. LOL. Better than touching my stomach.

Post # 37
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Treejewel19:  uh, yeah, really rude!!! if never ask anyone but my sister. and I think ido probably already know the answer anyway.. 

Post # 38
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Treejewel19:  I’m guilty of this question… But only ever to my very best friend/bridesmaid because I had to no. I dont think it was weird that I asked her.

But anyone else? Like a coworker or something? Kinda weird!

Post # 39
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@jasn:  Ha. Mother-In-Law sounds like a peach. 😀

 

We were trying, but I still think comments like that would bother me. Especially from people who are obviously just going to turn around and gossip about you or your husband. Yuck. I vote rude, and these are the sorts of comments that make me wonder if I’ll even say anything on facebook.

Post # 40
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think this question is only rude when it comes from strangers or acquaintances, but not from friends. I don’t mind at all when friends (even casual ones) ask me, but if a stranger asked me I would be stunned and offended!

Post # 41
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can’t believe people actually asked you this on a public forum! We haven’t announced on fb yet, I don’t know what I would say if someone asks me that when we do. Probably ignore them!

The only person so far who has said anything like that was my stepmom – she asked if we were trying or “just having fun”. I was so taken aback I had to laugh! But, I know she meant well. It was a bit awkward, but I finally just said “a bit of both!”. She seemed to accept that answer at least!

Agree with PP who have said it’s okay for a close friend to ask you – not okay for fb’ers you aren’t close to to post on your announcment! Def inappropriate!

Post # 42
Member
1776 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I personally am not bothered by this question. I think people are trying to think of something to say and it’s a way of saying, so were you actively trying (potentially for a while) or was it a happy surprise.  Of course it’s kind of a silly question since having unprotected sex is something you know you are doing, thus no real surprise.  But I am sure there are a lot of babies who are happy accidents.  All in all, it is rude, but of all the dumb things people will say while you are pregnant, this is one of the most benign. Congratulations!

 

Post # 43
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@CakeyP:  lol yes!!!! i would definietly say that!

Post # 44
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah…My mom’s friend was at the party I made the annoucement at, and she asked me that question which caught me off gaurd. My rule of thumb is, if the answer to the question is potentially going to be super awkward then you probably shouldn’t be asking the question in the first place. I mean, it was planned and we are thrilled…but what if I was like “No, we don’t want this child and now we are sad.” No harm in just staying positive and saying congrats. 

Post # 45
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper

@Treejewel19:  Congratulations!!

Darling Husband and I tried for a long time (about the first 4 years we were married!) before FINALLY getting pregnant with our daughter. So I got asked the “was it planned?” question a lot. I guess because we were older (I was 34 when she was born) and because we had been together for a long time before marriage and then for 4 more years as a married couple — all without managing to conceive a child.

I just smiled at them and said, “Yep! Been planning it for four years!”

Post # 46
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My husband was asked this when he told a family member I had just had a miscarriage. Yeah, all kinds of class there…

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