(Closed) Was It Really Necessary to Bring That Up?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well, it obviously isn’t a big enough deal to your aunt to say something to you about it. Maybe just call her to drop a line and thank her for coming and celebrating with you and if she brings it up, then talk to her about it. If she doesn’t it’s not a big deal to her. 

Post # 5
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

People make drama for no reason. Moms especially (your aunt being the mom to your cousins) seem to really get all bent out of shape about protocol, and then make passive aggressive drama about it. Not sure why people don’t understand that being related doesn’t give you a free pass if you don’t put effort into the relationship…i’d just leave this be. She’ll forget about it, and I dobt your cousins actually care!

Post # 6
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I do understand that you thought they wouldnt  come anyway, but personally there are people that I know wont be able to make it but its nice to invite them anyway.

Post # 7
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i wouldn’t bring this up. it could just start a fight. pp is right, she will forget about it and your cousins probably don’t care.

Post # 8
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I wouldn’t bring it up.  Your brother said she “may be” upset, which stemmed from a conversation he had with your cousin.  I think it is just drama for the sake of drama, and wouldn’t worry about it at all.  Also neither you, nor your brother (and probably the cousin) heard directly from the Aunt that she is upset.

I may be projecting, because I could definitely see this happening with my family; they love to cause drama for no reason.

Post # 9
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Ha! I actually had my Aunt confront me at my wedding when I was visiting tables, point blank asking me why her sons weren’t invited. I lost my compsure for a split second, but told her we could only invite so many people and thought they wouldn’t come anyway. I still got a snarl from her, but it was to be expected. Everyone was embarrassed by her being blunt except her, and my Mom was annoyed when I told her later about it. It was over and done and never mentioned again, so…someone could have said something to you during your wedding and made you feel much worse. Isn’t that a better way to look at it?

Now at least you have a heads up if someone brings it up and can be prepared with your answer.

Post # 11
110 posts
Blushing bee

I’m on your side, if you’re not close to them, don’t invite them.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw a single cousin on my Dad’s side of the family and I’m seriously debating whether they should get an invite or not.

Post # 12
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

@lisa105: I agree. I broke the cardinal rule,tho, by inviting one female cousin in a family of four (the one mentioned), but I was Godmother to her daughter and we were very close. Everything ‘the boys’ were invited to they never showed! I felt pretty good saying that to her because it was really true. I only had 65 people at my wedding, so she could see how small it was.

People will always have something to say. The next day I heard from my sister how our one bartender made terrible drinks that were too strong, how stupid it was that the Caesar salad was on the deck near the bar where nobody saw it, and how her piece of pork was dry. UGH. Can’t win sometimes, but its good if you can laugh it off and move on. There’s nothing you can do after the fact to rectify it anyway.

Post # 13
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

They are probably fishing for drama, I would ignore it. I apologized to people for honest mistakes I made during the wedding planning process, but only if I was in the wrong. I don’t think you were in the wrong here, you have a right to decide who gets invited and had reasons to justify your decision. I think they are trying to start a fight so I would ignore it.

Post # 14
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@lisa105:  My mother passed away a few years ago, too. When I started making my guest list I was having a lot of trouble (well, I still am). My family is huge and there’s no possible way I could invite all of my cousins. I spoke to my dad (the one with the huge family) and we both agreed that the family members who lived in town and did not come to my mother’s funeral should be excluded from the list. We’re not trying to be petty, it’s just that we both felt that if the relationship wasn’t close enough for them to bother to grieve with us during the worst time in our lives, then they shouldn’t get to celebrate with us during the happiest. I wouldn’t feel bad for not inviting those cousins, if I were you. You can’t invite everybody. Everyone has to draw the line somewhere.

Post # 15
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t mention it.  They’ll probably forget about it after a few months anyway.  Plus it was heard third hand so it may or may not be true she was upset.  I had an aunt call up my dad the day after the wedding saying how she didn’t know and why we didn’t tell her.  I know she knew since i had my dad ask all his brothers and sisters at my grandfather’s birthday if they wanted an invitation and they all said no ( we’re Chinese and it’s a destination wedding so didn’t want them to feel as though they had to send me money if they got an invite and can’t come).  Still I felt a little bad but my cousin said she probably knew or else why would she call my dad the day right after the wedding.

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