(Closed) Was it rude for my co worker to do this?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You should let it go and understand that not everyone is comfortable with or passionate about your religious experience. In the future, you should probably wait for friends to show interest before offering.

Post # 3
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

barnes66:  If she agreed to attend, she should have let you know she had changed her mind.

BUT, it was also not appropriate for you to tell her you were going to bring her to your church. This would better be framed as an invitation not a statement of fact. Perhaps she only agreed to shut you up or end the conversation.

Let it go and don’t talk about church at work.

Post # 4
3586 posts
Sugar bee

barnes66:  just drop it. it’s not worth the drama. Just don’t ask her again. 

Post # 5
238 posts
Helper bee

That was definitely rude. I would let it go if I were you. Wishy-washy people aren’t worth the effort. It sounds like she probably didn’t want to go, but didn’t know how to decline.

Post # 6
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

julies1949:  +100

Spot-on advice, as usual. I’d take it to heart, OP.

Post # 7
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Not really when you consider you told her what she would be doing. She probably didn’t want to, felt awkward, and just avoided you to get out if it. She could have handled it more upfront, but you weren’t polite either. 

Its not up to you to inform your coworker of her Sunday plans. And it’d be even ruder to “confront” her about it. Take the hint.

Post # 8
730 posts
Busy bee

What if some coworker of another religion informed you they were going to bring you to their place of worship on sunday? I’m not asking to be mean, but put yourself in her shoes. She probably felt uncomfortable, said ok, and hoped you’d forget about it.

Post # 9
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If a coworker said to me, “I’m bringing you to church on Sunday” I’d probably be very offended. What made you feel the need to take her? How did this conversation go, how was it brought up? Especially if it were in the context of trying to “save” her or bring Jesus into her life or whatever. If she showed no interest prior and you felt you were doing her justice by imposing your beliefs on her – that is not received well by many.

Yes, she should have declined politely but I think you put her in a very awkward situation. I would leave any further religion talk out of work conversations.

Post # 10
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

Yea. It was rude of her. I would ask her about it. Although I’m not so sure about the way you initially handled it. Did you just point blank tell her you were going to take her to church, or was she showing interest and you offered to take her?


Post # 11
1084 posts
Bumble bee

barnes66:  you “told” her you would take her to church with you. You didn’t ask her? You assumed she was Christian or enjoyed church?

Since you “told” her you would take her to church, she didn’t want to be rude and object….because often when that happens, Christian feel the need to “save us”, and ultimately, ruin the friendship. She probably took the path of least resistance, let you inform her that you will take her to church, and became busy when the time came, and is hoping you forgot about it in hopes to maintain your friendship. Because if she is not a church goer, and you can’t respect that, you will lose your friend.

i don’t think she was rude at all. You informed her of your weekend plan expectations of her. you were rude. not considering her plans or her religion. If anything, I think she was polite because my response would have been “fuck you and your plans.”

I would highly suggest that if you want to expand a friendship, stick to neutral events. Don’t invite people to religious or political events unless you have established that you are on the same page.

Post # 12
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

barnes66:  It was rude of you to dictate your coworker’s plans.

Post # 13
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Without knowing how the whole conversation went, I’d say you were the rude one. If a co-worker, who I only see at work, told me she was going to take me to her church, I would feel very uncomfortable and probably react the same way. 

If, however, she expressed interest in going before you told her you would bring her, then yes, she is being rude. 

Post # 14
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It was rude of you to tell her that she was coming to church with you. She probably didn’t want to go but felt pressured. Yes, she was also rude for bailing without tell you, but I think you approached it wrong in the first place. Regardless, at this point, just let it go and carry on your friendship at work but don’t invite her to future religious events. <br />

Post # 15
88 posts
Worker bee

I think this post may have been taken out of context. I interpreted it as the OP’s co worker showed interest in coming to her church, and THEN OP likely made plans with her co worker to go to church and it sounds like the co-worker blew her off. That’s definitely rude. However, if the OP actually did tell the co worker what she is going to do (which i doubt, who does that?) then that’s just weird. I still wouldn’t bring it up to the co-worker. Its such a minor thing that it should just be let go.

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