(Closed) Was it rude for my co worker to do this?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

Sure, it’s not cool she blew off your Sunday plans, but she’s clearly trying to avoid confrontation. Are you sure she actually made firm plans with you, and wasn’t just being polite? It doesn’t sound like she blew off mutual plans, more like she blew off the plans you made. 

Nothing good can come of you confronting one of your coworkers about not attending church with you. Why on Earth were you even talking about religion at work? And why would you think it’s okay to tell another grown adult where you will be taking them on Sunday? 

 

Post # 17
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

No one is obligated to go to church. That is not an appropriate activity to assume someone would want to go to. She probably felt awkward saying no to your face and tried to cancel as passively as she could. 

Post # 18
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

RavenAVlahos:  I agree with tou. So much can be taken the wrong th way without knowing the whole story.

Post # 19
Member
9691 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you “told” her you were bringing her to church, you were out of line.

If she expressed interest and then just ditched out, then that was rude of her but I’d just let it go.

Post # 20
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

barnes66:  If she didn’t want to go, she should have told you so immediately instead of agreeing to it. However I understand that it can be hard to say no sometimes. So she should have called/texted you know she wasn’t going. What do you hope will happen if you confront her about this? It will only be an uncomfortable exchange that could probably drive a wedge between you two. Personally, I’d follow her lead and let it go. I’d also think carefully about inviting her to anything else outside of work.

Post # 21
Member
6721 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I’m not sure if anyone can say it was rude without more information. Did she WANT to go to your church? What on earth would make you think it was appropriate to take a workplace friend to CHURCH? That really seems like overstepping bounds to me. Yes, she should have called you and made an excuse, but you shouldn’t be inviting people to church, either, unless they specifically ask to go.

Post # 22
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

barnes66:  I have found a couple of close, lasting friendships from work – in fact one is now my best friend. But these friendships were at first one step forward, two steps back. Don’t mention your co workers not calling you. Maybe when it feels natural invite her out in a group setting. Church though might be a bit too personal for a first outing.

Post # 23
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

I would avoid going to church, too. lol

Post # 24
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

I had a co-worker invite himself to church with me once and I was cool with it, until he didn’t show up (and I waited around for him a while but finally gave up and went it, I wasn’t gonna miss service for a no-show). He apologized a few days after the fact and said he could come some other time, at which point I said he could come whenever he wanted, just to text me when he arrived and I’d meet him outside. He always talked about wanting to go to Church with me, but every Sunday morning came around he just couldn’t get out of bed (I had good reason to suspect he spent his Saturday nights partying until the wee hours). I don’t know if he expected me to come and drag his lazy butt out of bed, but I’m not going to shove my beliefs down anyone’s throat, least of all anyone who is only “kinda” interested.

Just let it go.

Post # 26
Member
5153 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

barnes66:  Is she religious? Perhaps she felt backed into a corner and agreed and then didnt know what to say to get out of it so she didn’t say anything. Yes, its rude of her to blow off plans, but it’s also rude to put your religion on her and tell her shes going to church with you.

I’d let it go, move on, and if she ever brings it up, talk about it then. 

Post # 27
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

barnes66:  Yea as a person who doesnt have a specific faith or church to attend, I would be really offended if someone told me they were taking me to church. Especially if it’s about a personal problem I’m having. I would have suggested seeing a therapist to deal with the suppressed issue, not your faith. 

Post # 28
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Your coworker can definitely deal with forgiveness issues in a healthy way without attending church. I think you overstepped boundaries by telling her that she was going to accompany you in church. She was likely caught off guard and just said yes as a knee jerk reaction. I wouldn’t confront her about it, her silence over the weekend was telling enough.

Post # 29
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

barnes66:  Uh… yeah- you were totally out of line “telling” her you were going to bring her to church after she shared something personal with you. She probably felt cornered and judged. I would have ignored your texts as well. 

In the future, if you think someone would benefit from attending church you might want to say something like “My pastor is really great at inspring people and I feel like I’m able to handle things like you’re going through better after attending service. If you’re interested in coming to church on Sunday, give me a call. I usually go to the 9am service. If you want to meet up for it, let me know by Saturday night.”

Don’t ever “tell” someone you’re taking them to church unless you gave birth to them. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  MexiPino.
Post # 30
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

barnes66:  I think you are absolutely right that she should forgive her father and let go of her anger, and I’m sure from your perspective it made sense to tell her to come to church.

Still, that’s really, really personal and deals with home and spiritual life, as well as deep family wounds. Even though she was “rude” in a way, I think that you really, really overstepped appropriate coworker boundaries, maybe even appropriate friend boundaries. I am sure it came from a good intention. I would just let it go and be grateful that she didn’t get more upset.

I think it would be much better to start off with a lighthearted and purely social outing, like getting coffee after work, and to ask her instead of telling her. Good luck. 🙂

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