(Closed) Was it rude for my co worker to do this?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

barnes66:  Yeah, it sounds to me like she never wanted to go and was just being polite when you told her you were bringing her to church. Since most people don’t tell their coworkers what they are doing on Sunday, maybe she even took your statement as more of a suggestion and not making a firm plan. More like “You should come to church with me sometime!” and her responding “Yeah, ok.” just to be polite, rather than saying no. 

I don’t care how close I am with someone, I’d be totally uncomfortable with them telling me to go to church with them. If I wanted to go to church, I’d go on my own or ask to go. 

Post # 32
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Not everyone wants to go to church. Now, if you brought up the way that church helps you, and she mentioned that she might be interested, then that’s a different story. But if she is not religious, it seems very pushy to tell her you are taking her to church.  Going to church is not the same as going shopping for example. It’s based on personal beliefs that could be different from yours. Please don’t assume everyone shares your beliefs.

Post # 33
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Judging by your past posts on your co-workers I think you need to ease up on them all! 

Post # 34
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

barnes66:  I get that you’re enthuesiastic about sharing your faith. And that’s great. Don’t stop that. Mark 16:15 “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.”

but there needs to be some tact involved too. 😉

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  MrsWoods47.
Post # 35
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

barnes66:  based on your followup where you say that you just told her that you were bringing her to church with you, I think I’d just let it go. 

I would feel a bit taken aback if someone just told me that they were taking me to dinner on xyz date and time without me showing interest or without asking me if I were a) free and b) interested. When you add religion to it, it crosses a personal barrier where it’s not just any old activity, it’s a religious activity.

Post # 36
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

I have done the exact same thing to friends before that your friend has done to you. Leave it alone and do not bring it up and don’t invite her again, she didn’t know how to politely say thanks but no thanks.

Post # 37
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Um religion is one of the biggest TRIGGERS considered for most people. I would have been very uncomfortable and would have blown you off too. Your offer was nice, but you don’t need to FIX your friend. 

For the record, religion is a huge trigger for me too.

Post # 38
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

I think you were the one out of line telling her you were taking her to church. I’d feel totally awkward too if a co worker told me they were taking me to church! I probably wouldn’t have answered the phone either! Lol, but probably sent a text saying sorry can’t come.

Post # 39
Member
9814 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I agree with PPs, you were the one out of line. While yes it would have been better if your coworker let you know she wasn’t going, you really overstepped in the first place. You told (not asked, told) her that she would be going to church with you on Sunday. You didn’t ask if she would be interested or anything like that, you just made a decision that you would take her to church, and told her. Telling her like that, rather than asking, was like talking to a child who needs to be told what to do! Or for parents who want to instill their religious beliefs in their children so tell them they are going to church on Sunday and take them there, willingly or unwillingly.

Post # 40
Member
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

She should have let you know that she couldn’t come, but she probably felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable. She might have just thought you were making a suggestion instead of a set plan or maybe just said yes to be polite and didn’t think it would go any further or that you would forget. Regardless, you need to let it go and not be so pushy in the future. Not everyone wants to go to church and it’s not fair or polite to push your views on to someone else. If she had specifically asked about attending your church then that’s a bit different, but you should never tell someone that they need to attend church with you or participate in any religious practices (regardless of what they’re going through or how much help you feel they need)

After reading your past threads, I’m really thankful that I’m not one of your coworkers! As a PP said, you (and your co-workers) would benefit if you eased up a bit 😉

Post # 41
Member
9089 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I get that you were trying to be helpful but to inform someone that you are taking them to a church that they may or may not share your faith with is incredibly rude. However, she should have politely declined. That too was rude. There was faults on both sides — I would simply forget it ever happened and move on. If she shows interest in your religion or seeks your help spiritually for her problems, then you may offerto take her to church with you, but never tell someone you’re doing that again. As someone who is about as atheist as they’re going to get, I would have found your offer very aggressive, but again I understand you were offering help. There are many ways to deal with resentment and problems of the heart other than religion, too.

Post # 42
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It was so weird and rude of you to tell her you were taking her to your church. That was really out of line. If I were her, I would have bailed on you too. 

Post # 43
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

Telling someone you’re taking them to church without them asking is rude, careless, and you’re just begging for an HR complaint. 

Post # 44
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

POINT 1:  Please be careful when discussing certain types of topic in the workplace.  Religion is one of those topics.  Many could misinterpret your friendly actions as an intimidating act. 

You said you “TOLD” her to go to church with you.  Without knowing full on what completely happened, it could be misconstrued that you were aggressively telling her to go to church.  Add the phone call (more than once could be construed as pursuing things aggressively), which could be misleading as an aggressive act of intimidation.  Intimidation, in this topic, is the lawful definition so please look that over. 

 

Even if you didn’t mean to be construed this way, it could be seen this way.  That is enough for discrimination or harassment issues to arise in the workplace.  Again, I advice to be mindful of your actions and how it “appears” in the workplace even though you mean no harm. 

 

POINT 2:  Please develop friendships outside the workplace first, before establishing a more personal get-together such as going to church.  Go out for coffee, meet at parks with kids.  Once a strong bond is established, then I feel its appropriate to enter in to personal topics–such as religion.  If not, you are setting your coworkers up for an awkward conversation and situation and then you might get offended when they try to find the easiest way out–which is to avoid the situation altogether.  Don’t put them in that kind of place, and you won’t feel slighted and/or insulted. Problem and issues resolved. 

Post # 45
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

barnes66:  To be honest, I did a similar thing to a friend once (she’s actually my maid of honor). She asked if I wanted to go to her church on Sunday, and I just completely ignored her. Now, I did NOT agree to go and then just not show up. But I felt really uncomfortable about the offer, even when I’m a member of the same faith. That’s just not how I wanted to spend my time with her, so I just pretended I never got the text haha and she didn’t ever bring it up again. Problem solved for everyone, and it saved me the awkwardness of an explanation! I’d just forget it ever happened (but if you are ever meeting up again for some not church-related, just double check with her about her plans).

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