(Closed) Was it rude for my co worker to do this?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

barnes66:  Try switching places with her: How would you feel and respond if she judged & assessed your problems based on personal things you shared with her and she told you she was taking you to her atheist club?  This is hypothetical of course but would you not be taken off guard?  I’m sure she was at a loss and did not want to offend you or your faith so she went along with it when you put her on the spot.  Though it sounds like with some resistance regarding work schedule.  Then when it came down to it she had no interest in being “taken to church” and didn’t answer the phone.

You might think that you had “good intentions” (though a bit twisted IMO) but you should be able to understand what you did wrong here.  You are the misguided one.

Post # 62
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

barnes66:  Wait, you didn’t ASK her first? You just told her? That’s pretty inappropriate given the fact that, as others have stated here, religion is a very touchy subject. Unless you knew that she was an avid church goer and comfortable with attending a church service, you really shouldn’t bring up the topic of religion at the work place. 

With that said, you don’t ever TELL someone that you’re going to bring them somewhere without first asking them. That’s just odd. Not to mention, it’s totally awkward and rude.

Post # 63
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


1) she laughed when you told her you were bringing her to church. That means that she was uncomfortable with the notion. You should have just dropped it.

2) when you kept at her about going, she found any excuse (work at 3 pm) to let you know that she didn’t want to go. You pressed on.

3) you said you’d call her to finalize plans that she never agreed to and then tried to get out of when you assumed she was amenable to them. She probably didn’t say “sure” as in “yes, please call to finalize these plans” but as in “yeah, right. I will conveniently be unavailable to confirm these plans that I had no part in making. Please pick up the hint and don’t call me.”



Post # 64
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

barnes66:  Like a previous poster said, you are so lucky you don’t have an HR complaint lodged against you.  If you did what you did to her to me, I’d run to HR so fast that Usain Bolt himself would have a hard time keeping up.

Can you really not see how you imposed yourself upon this woman and put her in the incredibly awkward position of having to reject your spiritual creed?  Can you not see that she might have been extremely uncomfortable making a statement about your spiritual creed and how she was not interested in it because of the work environment, even if you two were becoming friends?

Post # 65
6436 posts
Bee Keeper

barnes66:  Why would you take someone to church?  It’s her decision if she wants to go or doesn’t want to go.  Ask her why she didn’t at least acknowledge going to church first before saying she’s rude.

Post # 66
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

barnes66:  You say you’re close with her but you don’t hang out outside of work. You’re not close with her. She’s a work friend, not a friend. You sound like you have boundary issues and you attach onto people way to quickly.

Post # 67
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It would have been nice of you to INVITE her to church. The way you did it — TELLING her — was rude. She should have been more honest with you, but she probably felt awkward and/or pressured. Let it go.

Post # 68
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You told her? You should of asked. Maybe she just did not want to go to church. It was rude of her to not return your calls. How about you do something a little more neutral. Like grabbing a bit to eat?

Post # 69
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

While I think you had good intentions, this subject should not be brought up again and dropped. Religion and politics are very picky subjects with most people and should be treaded very lightly. Personally, I have lost touch with friends that have pushed religion and church on me. I have my own beliefs and lose a LOT of respect for people that try to push theirs on me. I would just let this whole situation go and not push the subject. 

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