Post # 1
My cousin is getting married in a couple months which is awesome, I’m totally excited for them! I haven’t met his fiancee yet, but she looks adorable.
Anyway the invite was made out to Ryangirl, Ryan & Family. Well we don’t have kids so I was a little confused about who the “family” was suppose to include. We had already decided we weren’t able to attend because we had already booked our flights back home (and where the wedding will be) only 2 weeks before the wedding, and unfortunately we can’t change the flights.
3 days before the RSVP deadline, my cousin facebooked me and said “Please extend the invite to your Mom and sister.” My mom and sister never got an actual invite, but this is how they were inviting them so I’m now realizing that “& Family” was probably meant for my mom and sister. They declined also feeling like they were an after thought.
What would you have done if you were my mom & sister? Was that rude to be invited that way?
Post # 3
Yes I do think it was rude to be invited that way. Even if they were apart of the second string invites they should have received an invitation.
Post # 4
@Ryansgirl: Do your mom and sister live with you?
The only way that I’d even think the invite included them as well would be if we lived together.
Otherwise your mom and sister should have each gotten their own invites.
Post # 5
My guess is the bride just didn’t know. It sounds like she did invite them originally, just not in the most appropriate way. I don’t think there is a right or wrong choice for your mom and sister. The bride wouldn’t have clarified to you to make sure your mom and sister were invitied if she didn’t want them there-maybe she realized the vagueness of the invite after she sent it.
Post # 6
@KatNYC2011: No, my husband and I have lived own our own for over 5 years! And his family was just out at my house 2.5 months ago for our wedding!
@ebet24: At first I thought, well the bride has never met any of us so that’s probably why she put & Family, but then I was thinking about when I made out my invites. I hadn’t met her, but I sent her and my cousin a separate invite.
Perhaps she’s not on the Bee and doesn’t realize all of this “ettiquette” stuff haha.
Post # 7
@Ryansgirl: I just think it’s especially wierd that the invite came to you and was supposed to include your mom.
Usually the “and family” invites go to the oldest member (couple) of the family.
She should have sent your mom and sister separate invites.
Post # 8
@Ryansgirl: I would have declined. “and Family” is usually used for dependent children…or at least people who live in the same house. How were you supposed to know what “and Family” meant?
For your Mom (your cousin’s AUNT), in particular, to be invited this way seems really really….not nice.
Post # 9
I don’t think they were second string, but it sounds like she just didn’t know.
I made enough goofs with my invites (and I tried REALLY hard). The hardest was getting DH’s side right – no matter how many times I asked him for names (and my Mother-In-Law for names, etc) – we still got stuff (and spelling) wrong. ugh!
Post # 10
Okay, technically it’s not proper etiquette and it’s a bit odd. On the other hand, in our family there were two weddings where invitations were running a bit thin there were some family ones sent that were encompassing beyond the household and an apologetic phone call. I’d say in a case like that, do as you feel comfortable and put it down to sometimes family gets less than ideal handling.
Post # 11
@oracle: lol, I tried really hard too, but we also had less than 100 guests and most were very close family/friends so it was “easier” to get it right I guess.
@ArwenBride: Yeah, it was just strange. My mom has ALWAYS been the person to say “if I feel like I’m an afterthought, I’m not going to go.” And I’ve kind of followed her example so that’s why we were all a little confused/upset about it!
@KatNYC2011: That’s what I thought too! Thanks for your input!
Post # 12
@Cappugcino: Oh, I totally understand how if invites were running thin we would all be included on one or something, but it was the fact it was made out to myself, my husband & family and sent to my house, that was kind of strange. Had it been made out to Mom, Sister, Me and Husband, it would have made more sense I suppose? Oh well!
Post # 13
Everyone is right on point, not wrong to decline, kind of weird to use “and family” to mean your mom & sister.
Also I wanted to use this as a soap box for why you should put the names of the people you’re including in the invitation instead of “and family”!
If the invitation has said:
Ryan & Ryangirl
Mom & sister
You wouldn’t have been so confused. Brides! take note 🙂
Post # 14
If I received that invitation I would have never thought it included my mom and sister.
If they were only going to send one invitation for all of you I would have expected it to go to your mom and be addressed to everyone.
Post # 15
my uncle sent an invite to his second wedding to my mom and then called her to let her know it was extended to my brother sister and I. I think this is acceptable but to send it to you and include your mom is a little odd.
Post # 16
I actually ran into a similar situation with my wedding…I wanted to invite my aunt and uncle and their 3 daughters (who were all married). I sent one big invitation and called my Aunt to explain that I didn’t have their adresses and didn’t want to risk them getting their invites too late to make and I hoped she understood. This was before FB and texting, and I had no other way to get the invites to them! I think it’s a little odd (she should have called immediately) but it’s possible she just didn’t have the info and was afraid your mom and sister wouldn’t get their invites in time and feel bad?