Post # 1
Good morning Bees. I would like your opinion on this, because I’m at a loss of what to make of it. Is this rude? Or just thoughtless?
Yesterday was National day in my country and we were invited to have dinner with my Mother-In-Law and SIL at MIL’s place. The traditional Barbecue fell flat because of the weather, so we decided about a week ago, that we would have a buffet style dinner, where everyone would contribute something for entrée, main course and dessert. Mother-In-Law texted me to ask if I could make my filled champignons, because she is very fond of them. She also suggested pie for dessert. I said yes, no problem.
SIL then asked if it was OK, if she was excluded from contributing anything, because of her very full work week and she was still feeling not the best, after she had the flu the week before. I told her, that was no problem either.
I got up early yesterday to prepare the food. I made bread rolls with two different spreads, garlic butter and hummus, for the entrée. For the main course the requested filled champignons and a berry pie with whipped cream for dessert. I stood in the kitchen for almost five hours. We went to MIL’s house in the early afternoon. Since SIL was excused from contributing anything, it was just Mother-In-Law and me, that had prepared any food. Here is what Mother-In-Law contributed: a head of salad for the entrée (seriously not a mixed salad, just the leaves of the salad itself) pasta with a canned tomato sauce for the main course (I saw the cans in the kitchen later) and a box of store bought cookies for dessert… I was honestly bummed out. This seemed so careless and indifferent. I could have brought that to the table within 20 minutes. It would be an OK dinner for any normal day but this was a special day (think independence day level special)
I understand of course that not everyone likes cooking and spending much time in the kitchen, but is it not weird to request certain food specifically (and therefore setting a certain standard for the food) and then not contributing on the same level? I actually felt somewhat taken advantage of. I spent a free day mostly in the kitchen to have a nice dinner with the family and there is not much coming back. I know Mother-In-Law isn’t overly fond of cooking but I had great meals at their house before, so I know that she can in fact cook well.
Maybe I’m being overly sensitive here. How would you feel?
Post # 2
It wouldn’t bother me. I enjoy cooking and wouldn’t mind spending a free day in the kitchen. I’m also not going to judge what other people make. Who cares if the sauce wasn’t homemade? And yeah a homemade dessert would have been better but I don’t know I guess I just wouldn’t be offended by it.
Post # 4
Sorry : / I think you’re being overly sensitive. Maybe cooking isn’t her jam or she got caught up. Honestly I think it’s kind of nice that she clearly likes your cooking
Post # 5
I wouldn’t call it rude but I would think she was lazy and that she did take advantage of you. If she was going to make such specific requests of you, then she should have produced something on par with those requests.
I would consider it a lesson learned for future potlucks.
Post # 6
I don’t think this is a hill to die on. :/
She was a little lazy for sure, but that would have just been a fleeting thought.
Post # 7
I love cooking so I’d do it even if people were bringing storebought.
Shit happens, maybe they didn’t feel like cooking or was just having an off day.
Post # 8
Agree that it’s rude but not worth getting hung up on. Maybe she had other plans but then wasn’t able to do them for whatever reason and has to go with a simpler option. Maybe she just didn’t have time.
Post # 9
I would be confused about her inviting me over and then hardly making an effort. Not a very good host.
Post # 10
Well… she ask IF you could do the champignons and Suggested pie for dessert. You can say no if you don’t want to. You said no problem so I dont know why it’s become a problem now. And yes maybe she has something come out, at least she still serve something.. rude? Nah. Bit dissapointed maybe, but then move on.
Post # 11
I agree it’s not a good showing on her part. If you’re concerned about not putting in more effort than she does, maybe ask what she plans on making before you agree to slave away in the kitchen for hours?
Post # 12
I wouldn’t call it rude, a bit lazy maybe. But in your most you mention that you know your Mother-In-Law doesn’t like cooking so i’m not sure why you’re upset.
At the end of the day you spent 5 hours in the kitchen because you wanted to, it was a choice you made and you can’t now be annoyed because Mother-In-Law spent less time on her contribution.
Post # 13
Get your husband to sort it next time…
Post # 14
Actually, I’d just wonder how my Mother-In-Law was. You said you’ve had great meals there in the past- perhaps she wasn’t feeling well, had a bad week, etc. I don’t think I’d feel taken advantage of or disappointed- you all still celebrated as a family- I’d just be wondering if everything was ok.
Post # 15
I think if this were to occur again it’d be less disappointing if you asked what else was being served first.
Honestly for 3 people it sounds like a sufficient amount of food.