(Closed) Was my boyfriend a jerk or am I just expecting too much?

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Since he never changed his behaviour for you (never even made the effort), would you have been OK putting up with him sexting/soliciting hook ups/cheating for the rest of your life? Would you have been OK covering all his bills for the rest of your life since he doesn’t want to make an effort with his finances? With putting aside your issues so that he can take care of his #1 priority – himself?

Yeah, you are MUCH better off without him.

I think to this guy, calling you his “wife” was more about being his posession than being a life partner.
It was a method to keep you in the relationship as his “safety” girlfriend – the one he can always come back to after he lies and cheats. Just a simple word, but it worked! For a while, at least.
His actions spoke VERY loudly that he wasn’t ready for marriage.

There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated – with respect.
This guy? Definatley isn’t one of them.

My vote is to block him from communicating with you, and don’t bother with him anymore!

Post # 18
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If you were still together, this would be a case of DTMFA! 

You objectively made a good call in ending the relationship. I’m sorry you had to go through this, but you will undoubtedly find a man (he was truly an immature boy) who is better suited to you. Sending you hugs and wishing you the best of luck. 

Post # 19
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jubial:  I don’t think you were stupid.. it’s hard to actual see a situation realistically when you’re emotionally involved in it. You loved him, wanted to make it work, and sounded willing to stick with him while he matured…. which he clearly had no interest in doing. You’e better off.

Post # 20
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@jubial: “Was I stupid to put up with a lot this treatment?”

I mean, hindsight is 20/20, but I will admit that I found myself wondering why you were staying with this dude by about halfway through your 2nd paragraph. It doesn’t sound like you have much of a relationship to lose. It sounds like a one-sided acquaintanship at best. He doesn’t seem to value you or the relationship much.

Be glad that you have him out of your life, and start examining why you were willing to put up with his disinterest so long in the first place.

Post # 22
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Um…WHY did you put up with all that sh*t?! It sounds to me like he wanted a “girlfriend” who would occasionally pay his rent and other bills, but didn’t have to take the relationship seriously bc it was long distance. You should have broken up with him after the multiple times he cheated online. I personally know how hard long distance relationships are, and both parties need to be 100% committed for them to work out long term. This guy…just no.

Post # 23
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 It was a very valuable learning experience. Do I think you put up with too much? Yes. But I learned that from a lot of crappy ex boyfriends. It still hurts, even when you know you made the right decision. But now you have a better idea of what you’re looking for, and you’re only 24. You’ll find the right one when you’re ready.

Post # 24
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@MrsPanda99:  +1.

It’s so hard to be objective when you’re going through it and hardly anything seems like “that big of a deal” or worth breaking up over when you’re still in love. Give yourself time apart from him completely and in a few months, you’ll look back and not even recognize yourself or believe the shit you put up with and forgave. But don’t beat yourself, just focus on you and moving on…hopefully with someone else who will treat you the way you deserve. Good luck!

Post # 25
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee

Good move breaking up with this guy – you’re much better off without him!

Post # 26
Member
10 posts
Newbee

From a guy’s perspective…sounds like he was cheating on you..sexting..craigslist..i wouldnt do that for fun..if im vesting the time then i want an end goal..This alone i would walk for.

you did the right thing…

im 28 and have been with my SO (26) for 6 yrs..i went that phase of not spending any money on her but i would on my friends and it was because i had lost interest due to never seeing her..that video game issue came up as well..she would nag about it asking when i would grow up and be a man..

after we had a serious conversation about why my interest was fading and what about the games bothered her…

we then made some changes…she made a valiant effort to see me more (we saw each other once a week) and i would now see her 2-3 times a week…by seeing her more i didnt really have time for video games and i was fine with that..the main reason she knocked games was her brother who is in his late 30’s still plays them and is kind of a loser and thinks that’ll be me if i dont stop..so i have cut back to show her i care for her concerns

the texting thing also kinda of bothers me…since day one i have always texted my SO everyday…granted now they are hardly as sweet as they were..sometimes just a one worder…but i want to do it

i think you made the right choice and thats coming from a guy…you already put urself through a lot with him and it doesnt sound like it was going to get any better

Post # 27
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you both got what you wanted in the end. You get to move on and have a LIFE, not have to worry about this man-child boyfriend of yours. And he doesn’t have to listen to anyone complaining about home much video games he plays. Win-win. 

Move on and never look back.

Post # 28
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jubial:  This guy sounds like a world class jerk. 

– He never seems to put you first.

– He ignores you and only talks to you when it’s convenient for him.

– He has inappropriate relationships with girls on Facebook

– He actually tried to cheat on you, or it sure seems like it. Either way, a line has been crossed. Maybe he already has…

 

You have forgiven him so many times already… You were right to break up with him.

Does that make you stupid? Of course not (we have ALL been there, I know I have and man oh man am I glad I decided not to take it). You just tried to have faith in him that he would ”man up”.

This guy is taking you for granted… You don’t deserve this. No one does.

Post # 29
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@Hubbee:  +1! Good stuff.

Post # 30
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@jubial:  woo girl. Okay first, I’m sorry you are dealing with a breakup! 🙁 That sucks. BUT here’s the good part–you get to start moving towards your future now! Like a PP said, when it’s real and the guy actually wants you in his life, you won’t be wondering when you’ll see him, you won’t come after his video games, etc. 

My last BF before I met Mr. H was a lot like how this guy sounds. He would do all this shit, but then when I called him on it, it was clearly just something I “misunderstood.” Right. Every time I said I was done, I’d hear, “Oh but I love you! I’m gonna marry you!” I’m sure you are…idiot. It was SO hard to walk away once and for all, but I am so happy I did because now I have Mr. H and he’s amazing. He works full time and goes to school full time, but you know what? Even when he’s been up for 23 hours, he makes a point to have time with me and ask me how my day was–without fail–because I’m a priority in his life.

You’ve got better things coming to you lady 🙂

Post # 31
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Not meaning to offend but it sounds like this guy might have distanced himself (little to no communication, sexting other girls, etc) to get you to break up with him so he didn’t have to be the bad guy and break up with you… 

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