(Closed) Was my letter too harsh? (bit long- but please read)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you sound like a *click* but I can tell that you are still pretty emotionally charged up with your friend. Sometimes it’s necessary to get things off your chest though. Do you feel better having tried to clear the air with her?

Also – is she just giving you grief for not being able to hang out with her as often as she’d like?


Post # 4
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like you are telling her off because she misses you.  I think it could have been a little more sympathetic.

I thought this was mean: “I am a friend, I am here for you. But, on that note, I do not have the time, energy or really mental capacity to deal with the daily issues that I would otherwise be more than willing to help you vent.” It is like you are saying, “I’ll be your friend, but only in an emergency.  Otherwise, eff off.”

Post # 7
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

@Lt.Columbo:  Totally agree.  If I received this email I would consider my frienship with that person on hold, possibly indefinitely.  Friendship shouldn’t come with conditions.

Post # 8
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think the letter could have been shorter and a little less pedantic.

Something more like, “I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to spend much time with you recently and I wish you wouldn’t make me feel so guilty about it. I really love hanging out with you and can’t wait for school to end and my regular life to resume. Believe me, I hate not having a social life during school and I hate not knowing what’s going on in your life”


Post # 10
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

@PinkMagnolia:  <— What she said.

OP, my very best friend (and MOH) is super busy with her with first year of residency. I miss her SO much, especially during this period in my life. I will admit that I sometimes say things similar to what your friend said, but it’s only because I value her friendship and genuinely miss her company and not because I am trying to make her feel guilty. If she sent me an email similar to the one you sent I would assume the friendship is over….

Post # 11
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Has this been sent or is this the first draft. You still sound pissed off and that’s not a good idea if your wanting to keep the friendship. Wait a week then read it again and I think you’ll make some changes. If it’s sent well it will probably put a strain on the relationship. The letter isn’t very friend like 🙂

Post # 12
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

As someone in the throes of finishing my dissertation, I’ll say two things. 1) I completely understand that you’re not as available to your friends as you might otherwise be, and that it sounds like your friend is being a little clingy. 2) I don’t think now is a good time to deal with this. You’re extremely stressed out and under a lot of pressure with deadlines. That can make you react more strongly to things like this than you might otherwise. This seems like it might be one of those times.

Can I ask what the “problems” are that she’s dealt with, that you allude to in the letter?

Post # 14
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@PinkMagnolia:  What she said.

You’re angry at your friend for making you feel bad. And she made you feel bad because you made her feel bad by not being there for her when she went through a rough time. So she already felt bad and felt like you didn’t care and now you’re yelling at her and explaining why you are too busy for her problems….meanwhile going on about what’s happening in your life. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you really even like this girl. Maybe you’d like to take a few steps back in your relationship?

I will say that if I were her and I got that letter I’d be heartbroken . . . especially after reaching out. I’d be so sad to finally see a long email from my bff after months of very little response, only to find that she took the time to write a letter basically telling me off. Because, if you had time to write that, and then post it here, you probably had time to just talk to her in the first place. You don’t have to be anything to anyone if you don’t want to be. But if you value this person, you might need to carve time out for her. I’ve been there with the being busy. I’ve worked a full time job and a 20 hour unpaid internship and still managed to spend time with those who matter. It can be hard to balance but basically, if something/someone is important to you, you’ll make it work. If they’re not, why bother spending time on it at all?

Post # 15
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@missfrillycoat: Two questions:

What is your goal for this conversation?

What are the problems she’s had that you alluded to above?

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