Post # 1
First, I’m a paranoid person. I always think people don’t like me, I think people are talking about me behind my back. It’s the way I am, the way I always have been so please keep that in mind.
I just skyped for an hour with a good friend who lives a few provinces away. We’ve known each other several years and have gotten pretty close in the last couple. I want her to be one of my BM’s. She’s been there through the waiting and the beginning planning etc etc. She’s been a Bridesmaid or Best Man for other friends a few times.
Tonight, as we were chatting she was telling me about another wedding she’s in where the bride told her which dress to order without consulting her on the price ($500) and how the hotel she has to stay in is $350 a night plus her plane ticket an so on.
She was also talking about how excited she is to come to my wedding, how she knows I”m being super considerate of my guests and trying to find ways to make the trip cheaper for people travelling, wanted to know what I was hoping would happen for a stagette and how she is looking forward to that and so on. I had planned to ask her tonight to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because I won’t see her until November (MAYBE) and I didn’t want to wait that long to ask her but after what she was saying about the other wedding I chickened out. What do you think? Was she hinting or am I just paranoid?
Post # 3
@MsGinkgo: I don’t think she was hinting. I think she was venting over a genuinely out-of-control bride. $500 for a bridesmaid dress *is* outrageous. $350 p/n for a single person’s hotel room *is* extravagant. (Plus the bride has no right to tell the Bridesmaid or Best Man which hotel she “has to” stay in).
Post # 4
Ha, I know exactly how it feels to be paranoid like this. I think youre worrying too much, it just seems like normal friend chatter to me 🙂 And I dont think she would try to tell you that she doesn’t want to be Bridesmaid or Best Man without you even asking first. dwai
Post # 5
My jaw hit the floor when she told me what the wedding was going to cost her. She certainly wasn’t expecting it. My FH and I are doing everything we can to keep costs low for our guests (and wedding party). 75% of our guests are coming from far away. We’re going to reserve hotel rooms where my FH works because the rate will be MUCH better and we’ll be able to afford a brunch the next day (it’s a really nice hotel) and arranging a bus service to get people to and from our ceremony/reception because the hotel is a fair distance from the site. I’m amazed at how presumptuous some people can be!
Post # 6
If she was REALLY trying to tell you something, she wouldn’t have said how excited she was about your wedding.
BUT, just to be safe, you should say “hey, I want you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I know that you are in a lot of other weddings and they can be expensive, so NO hard feelings if you can’t swing it right now”. 🙂
Post # 7
I try to make a habit of not asuming I know other people’s intentions. Because you hae no real way to know that kind of stuff. So I’d just assume that shee mentioned it because it’s something happening in her life now. If anything, it’s maybe a plea to keep things cheap if you ask her to be a breidesmaid
Post # 8
I think that you are reading into it too much. If you’re worried, just tell her upfront that you know she has already committed to another wedding, but you would be honored to have her stand up with you.
Post # 9
+1 I agree – asking someone to spend nearly $1000 just on a dress and hotel room is a little much. That doesn’t even include all the other little things that you end up spending money on – think shoes and hair and make-up and accessories, not to mention any party or gifts for the bride. Yikes!
One of my bridesmaids had said those same types of things to me on multiple occasions about other weddings she’s been in. I was super nervous asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because I wasn’t sure she’d really care about being in my wedding, but we talked and I asked and she told me she was nervous that I wouldn’t ask her! I always try to tell myself not to stress out until I know the facts – I tend to get too into my head about things too. I say ask her and let her know that you understand if she can’t due to financial issues, but I bet you’ll be surprised!
Post # 10
I would still ask her to be your BM! It doesn’t sound like she was trying to secretly inform you that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is so expensive and that she wouldn’t want to be yours, and since your doing a great job of keeping your guest’s costs to a minimum, hopefully you can continue that with regards to your Bridesmaid or Best Man expectations.
PS I see you’re from Mississauga, hooray for another local bee on here
Post # 11
Oh no! I’m the only one who voted that she’s somewhat hinting…
I really don’t mean to upset you or anything!!!
I do NOT think she’s “hinting” hinting that she doesn’t want to, ever, or anything, but from how she was venting, I got that she would not feel comfortable having to spend a lot of money to be a bridesmaid in general. I don’t blame her. It’s too much.
I think she would be thrilled to be standing with you at your wedding but she would most definitely appreciate if you are a considerate bride, which I think you are. So just ask her and be thoughful in the process.
Post # 13
thanks for your support bees! Thank you for confirming I’m just being my paranoid self 🙂