(Closed) Was she trying to tell me something?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Was she trying to tell me something?

    Yes - She doesn't want to be a BM

    Yes - She can't afford to be a BM

    No - you're reading too much into it

  • Post # 3
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MsGinkgo:  I don’t think she was hinting. I think she was venting over a genuinely out-of-control bride. $500 for a bridesmaid dress *is* outrageous. $350 p/n for a single person’s hotel room *is* extravagant. (Plus the bride has no right to tell the Bridesmaid or Best Man which hotel she “has to” stay in).

    Post # 4
    104 posts
    Blushing bee

    Ha, I know exactly how it feels to be paranoid like this. I think youre worrying too much, it just seems like normal friend chatter to me ๐Ÿ™‚ And I dont think she would try to tell you that she doesn’t want to be Bridesmaid or Best Man without you even asking first. dwai

    Post # 6
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If she was REALLY trying to tell you something, she wouldn’t have said how excited she was about your wedding.

    BUT, just to be safe, you should say “hey, I want you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I know that you are in a lot of other weddings and they can be expensive, so NO hard feelings if you can’t swing it right now”. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 7
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I try to make a habit of not asuming I know other people’s intentions. Because you hae no real way to know that kind of stuff. So I’d just assume that shee mentioned it because it’s something happening in her life  now. If anything, it’s maybe a plea to keep things cheap if you ask her to be a breidesmaid

    Post # 8
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think that you are reading into it too much. If you’re worried, just tell her upfront that you know she has already committed to another wedding, but you would be honored to have her stand up with you.

    Post # 9
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @paula1248:  +1 I agree – asking someone to spend nearly $1000 just on a dress and hotel room is a little much. That doesn’t even include all the other little things that you end up spending money on – think shoes and hair and make-up and accessories, not to mention any party or gifts for the bride. Yikes!

    View original reply
    @MsGinkgo:  One of my bridesmaids had said those same types of things to me on multiple occasions about other weddings she’s been in. I was super nervous asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because I wasn’t sure she’d really care about being in my wedding, but we talked and I asked and she told me she was nervous that I wouldn’t ask her! I always try to tell myself not to stress out until I know the facts – I tend to get too into my head about things too. I say ask her and let her know that you understand if she can’t due to financial issues, but I bet you’ll be surprised!

    Post # 10
    2260 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    I would still ask her to be your BM! It doesn’t sound like she was trying to secretly inform you that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is so expensive and that she wouldn’t want to be yours, and since your doing a great job of keeping your guest’s costs to a minimum, hopefully you can continue that with regards to your Bridesmaid or Best Man expectations. 

    PS I see you’re from Mississauga, hooray for another local bee on here Laughing

    Post # 11
    1367 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Oh no! I’m the only one who voted that she’s somewhat hinting…

    I really don’t mean to upset you or anything!!!

    I do NOT think she’s “hinting” hinting that she doesn’t want to, ever, or anything, but from how she was venting, I got that she would not feel comfortable having to spend a lot of money to be a bridesmaid in general. I don’t blame her. It’s too much.

    I think she would be thrilled to be standing with you at your wedding but she would most definitely appreciate if you are a considerate bride, which I think you are. So just ask her and be thoughful in the process.

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