(Closed) Was the first year the hardest?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: I think that...
    The first year of marriage is the hardest : (27 votes)
    16 %
    The first year of marriage is the easiest : (38 votes)
    22 %
    The first year of marriage is the happiest : (40 votes)
    24 %
    The first year of marriage is the most quarrelsome : (25 votes)
    15 %
    Other (please explain) : (39 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    1856 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I can’t say if the first year is the hardest as we’re only coming up to our first anniversary now, but if this is as hard as it gets, awesome. This year hasn’t been very difficult, despite pretty large changes (going from living in different countries to living together, raising a child, both of us in grad school, me travelling to other continents for work, living on a pretty low income). I’d take a guess that in no way is this first year the hardest we’ll ever endure – life is full of bad shit that comes up, and I’m sure we’ll come up against something pretty lame in the future.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1097 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Commenting to follow…I’m very curious about this. I feel like I either hear it’s the hardest or best. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    9135 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    We already lived together for the past few years so it’s been pretty happy so far.  However, I can see where the first year can be the hardest when you’ve never lived together before getting married because the first few months/years of living together can be tough while you sort out chores and get used to each other’s syle of living (such as whether they’re clean or messy.)

    Post # 36
    Member
    1489 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We’re 7 months into our 1st year of marriage, and I don’t think its been hard at all.  There have been some adjustments, yeah, but that’s what happens when you move in together for the first time.  But hard? No.  I’m having so much fun being married!!  I think its actually going really well for us, we seem like a stronger couple then we were prior to getting married.  

    Post # 37
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    The first year we lived together was the hardest for us.  But we are only 3 months into marriage so we’ll see.

    Honestly, I think it just depends what’s going on in your life.  Since we got married, I’ve felt a little disconnected from Darling Husband, but it’s because it’s the winter and he is ski instructing 2+ days a week, and I’m curling 2+ days a week, on top of our full time jobs, which are really hectic right now.  I don’t think that has anything to do with being newly married, it just happens to be that way.

    Post # 38
    Member
    9421 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted “other” because nothing really changed for us after getting married.

    Post # 39
    Member
    10651 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @MrsPanda99:  What’s the new piece of paper if you are legally married?

    Post # 40
    Member
    10651 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    It wasn’t the easiest and it wasn’t the hardest.  Our biggest challenges tend to revolve around health.  Big changes can create problems for people, a move, ljob changes, iving together for the first time, being apart frequently or for long periods of time, having a kid, etc.  Many of those things don’t relate to when couples get married.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1649 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    First year (so far) for us is easy breezy!  We’ve been living together for years so there wasn’t much of an adjustment.  I think the big change will come when there are children involved, but so far so good!

    Post # 42
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @AB Bride:  If folks are that interested in my personal life, please PM me. I’d rather not announce all of life’s details on a forum, lol. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    So it’s complicated. As far as external factors, the first year has been the hardest so far. It included my being unemployed for several months, then my husband getting laid off, starting a new job, dealing with a really crappy landlord and all sorts of problems with our duplex, and then moving. And of course all the financial strain that comes along with all of those things.

    THAT SAID, we were absolutely happy to be married and did not suffer any kind of strain in our relationship. If anything, some of these difficulties brought us closer togethr. We are 4 years in now. Sure, we have had our share of external difficulties, but our relationship remains strong and loving. 

    I always tell friends who are engaged not to pay attention when people say the first year is the hardest. We LOVE being married!

    Post # 44
    Member
    1660 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I picked “other” because I think it depends on your situation before getting married. If you are moving in after getting married and never lived together before, then the first year of marriage will be the hardest.

    But, if you’ve lived together before, then that first year living together was probably the hardest for your relationship.

    I don’t think marriage has much to do with it as much as living together for the first time does.

    Post # 45
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MrsPanda99:  In order to continue posting in this thread, you’re gonna have to post your long-form birth certificate!  Lol.

     

    Y’all…(I never use that word wtf)…I think the question is not, “Was this or that year the hardest?” but rather, “What has been hardest about your relationship and why?”  At least, that’s the question the answers respond to…!  

    If you are newlywed and have just moved in together, it’ll be a bigger adjustment, of COURSE, than if you are newlywed and have been living together for years.  Why wouldn’t it be?  Learning to live with someone who you CHOSE rather than with family is a HUGE adjustment.  Why do you think there are so many roommate problems??

    Post # 46
    Member
    6117 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Payless:  Our first year of marraige was wonderful.  We are going on year 2 as married, year 6 together as a couple.  I don’t think the first year was “the most anything” – most easy, most wonderful, most etc.  By that nature everything is downhill if the first year is the “easiest!”  More like, this year is better than the previous year and the previous years were pretty dang awesome too!  Keeps getting better and better.  I hope this pattern continues!

     

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