(Closed) Was there one person in you family who didn't seem happy about your engagement?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 31
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

My sister. She barely glanced at the ring (which he designed himself & it is beautiful!) and started off by telling me “Yay yay whatever. So i’m going to be the Maid/Matron of Honor right? Right.” We hadn’t been engaged for 24 FULL hours yet. 

She then proceeded to throw a fit about not being able to get on social media about it. Brat.

Post # 33
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

One of my FSILs and her boyfriend didn’t seem overly happy for us. They were overseas on holiday at the time and my Fiance ended up having to tell her over a Facebook message because she was “too busy” to arrange a time to talk and we wanted to start telling other people. Her response was “oh…congratz I guess”. She then proceeded to pitch a fit about the date we picked for our engagement party because it was the same date she wanted to have a house warming party (for a house they hadn’t even settled on yet – they moved in last week and our engagement party is next week!). When she got back from overseas, she said congratulations but it seemed very very fake (to my other FSILs and Future Mother-In-Law too) and we never actually got a congratulations from her boyfriend. She’s been making passive aggressive remarks ever since, but we just ignore her.

We basically put her behaviour down to jealousy. She’s older than us and it’s no secret that she wants to get married desperately, but her boyfriend hasn’t proposed yet.

Post # 34
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper

So, Darling Husband and I were engaged a looooong time ago. We’ve been married for 17 years (last month), but we’ve been together as a couple for a total of 25 years. We dated for around 2 years before getting engaged, and then had a long engagement.

Everyone on my side was thrilled when we got engaged. And thrilled all over again once we *finally* set a wedding date. They all love my Darling Husband. In fact, I think they like him way more than they like me — lol!

My Mother-In-Law, though … totally different story. She hated me. When we were “just” engaged (before we actually set the wedding date), she used to tell my Darling Husband what a mistake it would be to marry me, that I would just drag him down and give him an unhappy life. She used to say how ugly/ridiculous our children would look. She used to try and fix him up with other girls she thought were better. She would always talk about how I’m so “low class” because I come from a family that is not as well-off as DH’s family. (His family is full of doctors, mine is full of mechanics — lol.) She told Darling Husband that he was breaking his father’s heart by marrying me, but, when Darling Husband asked his dad about it, his dad was totally fine with everything. She lied and snuck around and … yadda, yadda, yadda. Basically, if it can be done as a method of breaking two people up, she tried it.

So, fast forward through all of this … Darling Husband and I got married. We are still together. We have one child (who, by the way, is not funny looking or ugly — lol). And we have a good and happy marriage.

This past summer, we were all down in our home state to visit both of our families (1 week with mine and then a few days with his). Part of his family get-together was to meet his younger brother’s new girlfriend. Somehow, the topic of conversation came around to how long Darling Husband and I had been together. The new girlfriend asked about it, and we told her we had been together for around 25 years. At that point, my Mother-In-Law said, “Yeah, we’re never getting rid of you.” And my Darling Husband said, “Damn right!”

I laughed, but, deep down inside, I thought to myself: “Yes! Victory!” 

Post # 35
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

Oh man…best friend cried. Not happy tears. She wasn’t happy for me until she got engaged 8 months later. Then it was magically all gravy.

In-laws said things like congratulations but used every opportunity we saw them over our year and a half engagement to say things like, “you don’t need a big wedding. Go to city hall”. We’re financially sound and everything was paid for before the wedding. 

My aunt cried during my father/daugther dance. I thought it was sweet until I found her outside having a smoke crying and getting consoled and found out it was because her kids would never have the opportunity to “have a wedding this nice”. 

Post # 36
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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hollysmith92:  Hmmm my dad didn’t seem too happy LOL.  But it wasn’t because he doesn’t like my Darling Husband.  Since I helped around the house it as more of oh crap she is leaving. HAHA I don’t take it personal though.  He is happy now. 

Post # 37
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My mom wasn’t too thrilled at first.  She had a bunch of reservations- we were too young (24 for the record), he’s not the same religion as my family (neither my Fiance nor I are religious at all), etc.  Over time she definitely began to see these were pretty much based on projecting her own issues onto me and saw how truly happy Fiance and I are together.  Now she’s excited about it and helping me plan.  Don’t let others get in your head. If everyone in your life is telling you not to marry this person then you should definitely listen to them but if it’s just one or two people they are just jealous or insecure and they’ll get over it.  Just keep on living your life and prove to everyone you’re doing the right thing 🙂

Post # 38
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Enoch Turner Schoolhouse

My oldest sister got engaged before me Sept ’14 and has YET to pick a date.  I got engaged March ’15 and we quickly locked down a date.  She got upset when we announced our date – because she thought she would get married first.  Sorry but I’m not waiting – I’ve been ready for years!

I was surprised at her reaction, because both of us constantly talked about weddings and I just thought she would be more supportive.

She lives out of town so I would text her updates (when we booked our venue, when I got my dress, etc).  She was so negative when I would ask for her opinion that I just stopped.  The last straw was when I text her a picture of my dress, she just said “Oh, I didn’t think you’d pick a mermaid” instead of, “Congrats on finding your dress”  or “So happy for you”. 

Since her and her Fiance “tentatively” picked a date (yep, still no date), she’s been better.  I just hope she won’t be mopey on my wedding day.

Post # 39
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

It pains me to say it, but I got a lacklustre response from my mum and two older sisters. This was mainly caused by my oldest sister however.

When my Fiance asked for my dad’s permission, she showed up to where they had met. My Fiance reluctantly showed her the ring and she knew we were going away before coming down to see them in the summer (we live two hours away).

My Fiance proposed on the trip and we drove straight to where our families lived. We went to my mum’s house, I’m buzzing and say I’m engaged and it went down like a lead balloon. I got a feeble congratulations but no excitement. I actually ended up crying to my sister (not the oldest) at how I got an amazing response from my FI’s family but nothing from my own. 

It later came out that the day I was travelling back from the trip my oldest sister had said to my mum and my other sister ‘lets see if she comes back engaged’. I hate to be that person, but she STOLE my thunder. It was my news to give and she spoiled it- especially as I’m only planning on announcing an engagement once.

She’s always cynical when something wedding related comes up as her previous partner cancelled their wedding but she still stayed with him for a further couple of years. There was a lot of resentment and it came to the point I never really discussed planning with her.

She’s come around now but thinking back on announcing my engagement and my family’s reaction still saddens me. My Fiance was angry as well.

Post # 40
Member
1605 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
hollysmith92:  Sadly my dad wasn’t happy about it when it happened. He doesn’t like my fiancé and has always tried to start arguments, even when he is clearly in the wrong and has been very rude. Once even saying to pick between them even though he had been very offensive and was just trying to blackmail a response. You can guess who won there…

And then when he finally came over to visit he then plastered on a fake smile and pretended to be happy, while making underhanded digs.

I wouldn’t let it bother you. It’s about your happiness, no one else’s. It ruins and makes it feel less special if you focus on that side too much.

Post # 41
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

When my husband and I got engaged years ago…my grandparents were thrilled. They had known my husband and loved him as their own grandchild. My parents live 6 hours south of us and when I called my mother…she was not happy at all. My dad was mad because my husband didn’t ask for his blessing. When We finally Visited THEm For Thanksgiving…I showed my mom my ring, which was a nice 1 ct solitaire and all she did was look at it and go hm and continued cooking. I say fuck the negative ppl, family or not. Be happy and ignore the nay sayers.

Post # 42
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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hollysmith92:  We got enaged on an afternoon where we had plans with friends/family that night. Immediately, his sister, Brother-In-Law, parents, my parents, and his brother and SIL knew since we were at their place.

The only person that didn’t seemed thrilled was DH’s SIL. But,she’s one who always has to be center of attention. I didn’t even get a congrats!

Our plans that evening consisted of renting a suite for a local USHL hockey team, which we have done the last 4 years and invited friends/family. My Father-In-Law was so excited that he did an open bar in the suite. She went on and on and on that night about. “Oh, they get engaged and everyone gets free drinks? We didn’t get free drinks when we got engaged” etc, etc.

The thing is, DH’s parents help her and my Brother-In-Law out SOOOOOOO much with their children. She acted like they don’t do anything for her. It was really rude.

Post # 43
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

We immediately called his mum (she had seen the ring already) who was ecstatic because we’re already just like family. Then when we called his grandma a little later, she was so off about it – she said, “Oh no babe, no rush, just wait. Right now you don’t have red tape like that and you could leave if you want to” and my fiancé’s eyes were huge as he calmly explained we’ve been living together for some time and know we want this. I honestly took it in stride and found it a little funny. His grandma loves me but she advised him that maybe it was too soon. I recorded a video of it, I thought it was so funny and worth remembering for later, haha.

Later we found out from his mum that his grandma had been drinking with her sister in law that causes her a lot of stress and unhappiness so when we called it was kind of a terrible moment. Also she thought we had already got married! She was glad to hear it was just the ring. Shes since congratulated us and reassured us that she is happy for us, I believe that is true because their whole family truly feels like my own. 😊

Make the best of it! I laughed it off at the time and even recorded it. Its your happiness and such a special time! those who love and support you are gonna do just that 😊

Post # 44
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Oh gosh…where do I get started?! We got engaged 2 months ago and we dreaded telling my Father-In-Law from that day. We always heard that we should tell the people who we thought would be most supportive first, so we told my Mother-In-Law and her SO and my parents before we told my Father-In-Law. My fiancé and I went out to dinner with him and his girlfriend, who we thought would lighten him up – we were SO wrong! After we ate, fiancé announced that while we were on vacation, we got engaged and my FIL’s reaction was pretty much the most unexcited stone faced “wow, congratulations.” “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” While he was in the bathroom, his girlfriend went at it – she was so rude! She asked us if we were sure that “we were the one” and flat out said “I’m just trying to imagine what I would do if this was my daughter.” She would NOT stop – “how old are you guys again?!” “You’re not getting married anytime soon though, right?” My fiancé’s sister got pregnant with a guy she wasn’t with for very long and he proposed a month after she announced the pregnancy so my FIL’s girlfriend decided to ask us “and you’re SURE there’s nothing else?” Ugh it was terrible. Needless to say, I cried as soon as I got in the car. I’m not sure what their problem is and its honestly very hurtful when close family or friends aren’t supportive of an engagement, buts its important to remember that marriage is for no one else but you and your SO. They will come around to it, and if not, that’s their problem. 

Post # 45
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My older sister was happy for me at first, but she kept providing suggestions about how much money we should spend on the wedding and my fiance and I already had our own ideas, so I said thank you but “we are already doing so and so”.  I can tell she thinks we should spend less money. Sometimes she would say things like I never had such and such at my wedding or this is a cheap option. 

Anyways, when I would try to include her or text her updates about selections, she stopped replying and when we talk she never says, “how is the wedding coming?”.  I am pretty hurt, but I’ve moved on.  She may be my big sister, but she doesn’t get to control my wedding plans. 

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