(Closed) Was this a bad compromise on the guest list?

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Eh, no big IMO.  It’d probably annoy me too but at the end of the day are 4 people really going to ruin your day?  Nah, they’re not.  If she’s willing to pay for them, and they’re not super intrusive or bothersome, let them come.  They might decline the invite anyway.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@yassim: It’s not your FSIL’s wedding so her friends don’t need to be there.

If you and your Fiance can’t even invite your friends, there’s no reason she should be able to invite hers EVEN if she’s paying for them.

If she’s paying for your entire wedding then maybe inviting them is ok, but otherwise, she needs to not invite people to your wedding when you already had to cut out your friends.

Post # 5
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

We made couple of allowances on our guestlist like my grandmother bringing my uncle as her date since her bf couldn’t make it… she already was down for a +1 so we let it be ok…. even though no other aunts or uncles were invited.

So.. if you want to allow it it’s all good… ppl probably won’t notice and if so they’ll get over it…

BUT like pp said if you aren’t getting to invite YOUR friends why should her’s be coming?… that’s definitely a not very considerate move on her. In that case I’d probably tell her no and just put her in her place. lol

Post # 6
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well it is your wedding so it really should just be who you want to be there, I think it’s awfully rude for her to take the liberty of inviting an entourage. And as one of her guests, I would feel pretty awkward to be invited as a guest of a SIL instead of the bride and groom…

However, since there are 100 people there, will you really notice a handful more? I think if it was an intimate wedding of 40 or so, it would be pretty obtrusive but with already 100 guests, I don’t think there presence will even be notable. If it’s going to be a huge battle, I would just let it go.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

That’s not at all ok. We also had a small wedding so we had to cut our guest list and not invite people we would have liked to. So of course we were strict with plus ones, why do I want someone who has been dating our guest for a month that I’ve never met when I can’t have my good family friend who’s known me since I’ve been born? And she’s not just asking for a plus one, she’s asking to bring a group of people? That’s just not ok.

Post # 9
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would just flat-out tell her no. They had an allotted amount of guests, they’ve already gone over, and she’ll know more than enough people at the wedding without having to bring extra friends along so she has someone to hang out with.

Why don’t people understand that in situations like this it’s not about the money? It’s who you care about having with you for a milestone in your life, and these people do not fall into that category.

Post # 10
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Since she said she is willing to pay for them I think it’s a fine compromise.

Post # 12
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Actually, you can control it.  I am having a small intimate wedding that Fiance and I are paying for.   My mother wants to invite her friends but I said No.  I can’t even invite any of my friends since my list comprises of my large family.  I would review your list and see if there are any additional ppl you and your Fiance want to come.  If there aren’t any additional ppl, allow her the additional ppl.  And get the $$$$ up front.  Family will promise the world but will disappear when its time to pay the bill.

Good Luck!!!!

Post # 13
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@yassim: why not tell your Future Sister-In-Law “No, they aren’t invited even if you pay their way” and then inform whoever is throwing the shower that these girls aren’t invited to the wedding.  Then that person can deal with uninviting them to the shower or letting them come.

It sounds like they were invited to the shower FIRST and then your Future Sister-In-Law sent the message to you figure they’d be invited to the wedding.  Or, it’s possible she sent the list to you first and figured if they were invited to the shower also, you’d HAVE to let them come to the wedding, too.

If it were me, I’d tell the Future Sister-In-Law “No way in hell”, then inform those hosting the shower, and make it known to everyone involved that they aren’t coming to the wedding even if they show up to the shower.

 

Post # 15
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would say that’s not OK. We are also having a small wedding and in order to keep the guest list manageable we are only having people that we are close to. Our parents’ friends who we do not know did not make the cut, unfortunately. So I would be upset if someone added people to our list and was not understanding of our limited budget and guest list.

Post # 16
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand where you’re coming from, and I absolutely don’t want there to be anyone at my wedding that neither bride nor groom are close to. At the same time, I’ve already added a few people to the guest list that we know, but not well, that are very good friends of our siblings. Specifically, we’re inviting a close friend of my brother who still lives nearby, my FBIL’s best friend and (provided they’re still together next year), my FSIL’s boyfriend. We’re not close, and wouldn’t invite them to a regular party, but its worth it to invite them to the wedding just so our siblings do have someone that they can really enjoy the day with.

Maybe you could talk to the Future Sister-In-Law about inviting one or two of those people, but with your approval so that both of you are happy. It’d be a good way to get what you want (i.e. not the snobby girl) without alienating her before you join her family.

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