Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2011 - Blossom Heath
My FI and I have been together for 10 years and we are having a formal wedding with plated meals at almost $50 per plate, assigned seats, and no children outside of the wedding party with that being said I have a problem.
We sent out our invitations and although the RSVP date isn’t until August 5th I have already received a phone call from my aunt (my mother’s sister) that told me that she is not sending the RSVP card back and she is bringing her 2 & 4 year old grandchildren.
She called me and told me this while I was at work so I tried to be discreet but I let her have it. I told her plain and simple that if she did not send the RSVP card back I would have to assume that she was not coming and if she showed up with either of the children that she wouldn’t be allowed in because we asked for an ADULT ONLY AFFAIR for a reason. Even after I explained it to her she told me that they were coming.
Is it wrong that I told her that the children weren’t welcome and if she couldn’t find a sitter she would have to miss the wedding even though these aren’t her children just her grandchildren especially since I told them back in Feburary when we sent out STD’s that it was adults only.
My mother said I should have said it to her different but I don’t I think I should have because I wasn’t disrespectful just firm.
Post # 3
There is nothing wrong with what you did — it’s not an open-ended invite. Sorry your aunt is being ridiculous.
Post # 4
I think you did the right thing, and good for you for not letting her get away with it.
Post # 5
I do think you were wrong. I don’t know why it’s so hard to accept the verbal RSVP? That’s a bit ridiculous if you ask me.
The other issue is not that you aren’t haveing kids (same here) the issue is how you presented it. You should have said that the venue is full and capacity restrictions cannot accomodate any more guests including children and that the venue has strict fire policy restrictions that you would be in violation of if she brought her children. Re iterate that no children are attending and that you are very sorry about the incoinvivence but you are just unable to accomodate. I think you presented it all wrong. And yes, these are lies but it’s sooo much easier to handle than the way you said it.
Post # 6
I think you were correct!
Verbal RSVPs are lazy. Why can’t they just send back the postage paid RSVP card?
Post # 7
You did it right about the no children BUT we you’re probably going to have to take verbal RSVPs anyways to finalize your guestlist for those that forgot to send theirs (b/c that does happen)…
I’m sure that since you were at work you were still “nice” about. Unfortunately with some people you just have to be that way with them b/c they don’t respect what’s been asked. Stick to your guns on the no kids.
Thankfully we didn’t have anyone give us problems & the one guest we had to call about no children took it just fine =)
Hope she comes around =)
Post # 8
If I got that call at work, the first thing I would have done is tell her that I would call her back later.
When I did call her,I would say that I was so glad that she was able to attend the wedding, I would mark her as a yes on my list, but that I we would not be able to have the children because we have planned an adult only wedding.
I think it is unnecessarily hostile to insist that she return the RSVP. After all , she did phone to tell you she is coming.
I would not make excuses- just keep repeating that there will be no children at the wedding.
Does she need help to find a sitter if she is coming from out of town and bringing the children? If she is local, I would let that be her responsibiity.
It seems like your Mom is ok with your decision not to have children at the wedding because you said she only wished you had said it differently. Do you think your Mom would agree to talk with her sister?
Post # 9
I don’t think you were wrong. It’s your wedding and you have every right to say no children and she should respect that! She needs to find a sitter.
Post # 10
I agree with Jules1949–you should have told her you were at work and would call her back–that gives you time to think of a response and how to deal with the situation.
Post # 11
At this point we are requesting AND ACCEPTING verbal RSVP’s, as well as RSVP’s online on our website and a special dedicated e-mail address for RSVP’s. It’s cheaper and works for us… We’re not having a huge formal affair, so whatever.
Stand to your ground, NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. IF you end up having to get attitude with her then so be it, you’ve told her multiple times and since February, she needs to deal with it. She’s had plenty of notice.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2011 - Blossom Heath
I thank each of you for responding because sometimes you need a varying opinion.
@vmec – The reason I asked for the RSVP card back was because it has the food choice on it and we are giving them to someone to do the place cards. Taking her phone RSVP means more than no card from her it was also no card for the 2 other people in her household and as a proper host i think it’s only right that what she asked to eat was indeed placed in front of her on the day of the wedding. It’s different if you can’t return it because it was torn or something and different when you won’t return it because SHE DIDN”T FEEL LIKE IT! Sometimes phone RSVP’s work great in this case it doesn’t.
@jules1949– I did tell her that I would call her after I got off work because this wasn’t the place to discuss these matters but I probably should have did that first and saved me plenty of grief.
I just really think that if you are invited to an event with RSVP cards obviously the host of the party requested things be that way for a reason so why not just oblige and make things easier on them regardless of how you feel about it.
Post # 13
No children means no children. People host adult-only weddings all the time. I’d probably sarcastically tell her that she’s more than welcome to bring the kids if she foots the bill. But that’s the b&#[email protected] in me coming out.
I’m not really sure if you said it the “wrong way”. It’s kinda hard to tell… because it’s not what you say. It’s how you say it. (And a typed out post doesn’t reveal much.) If you feel like you were a little harsh, you could let it cool down for a bit. Then, try talking to her again.
But if you feel like you handled it tactfully, I say more power to you! She’ll get over it — or be a long time under it.
Post # 14
Screw the RSVP, who does this lady think she is, aunt or not!?
So she’s acknowledging your “no children” request and is calling to tell you she doesnt care and that she’s still bringing them???
I’d tell her not to waste the time or money on the trip. Thats just rude! We too are a couple solely paying for this wedding on our own and at $80 p/plate, our guest list was very carefully picked; and sorry to who ever does not agree with our selection! So I can totally relate to you in that aspect of wishing people would respect your simple requests because we are treating YOU to a meal and good time!
Im sorry your going through this! Stand your ground girly! xo
Post # 15
Still why can’t you write down food choice? Aunt wants x, uncle wants y. You’re probably going to end up with a LOT of verbal responses especially since your deadline for responses near. Check out the boards on this topic a lot of RSVP chasing happends and often verbally.
Post # 16
I totally understand your point. It’s hard enough to plan a wedding so it’s even more frustrating when people TELL, not ASK, you what they are going to do at YOUR wedding.
Here’s why I think you were in the right to address the situation as you did.
1. You sent an invitation kindly requesting ADULTS ONLY. There is no other to interpret that. On the invitation, to which I’m sure you spent time thinking about how you wanted the wording to be….it clearly stated your wishes. I would think it’s safe to assume that the wording of an invitation, any invitation, tells the guest exactly what they need to know…in this case, no kids.
2. She was horribly rude by telling you that even though she acknowledges the fact that she received an invitation with the specific guests that are invited on there, she intends to do something differently. To me, it’s the same as a verbal “f*** you”
The fact that she told you she didn’t feel like sending back the RSVP is just icing to the cake.
Good luck dealing with this. I hope it’s your only bump in the road. 🙂