(Closed) was this rude?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

No I don’t think you were rude.  He’s a grown man and needs to act like one and understand that there will always be different dress codes for different life situations.  He’s not a child and needs to grow up.

I’m sorry that you’re in this position.

Post # 4
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

idk. this is a hard one. I dont think you can really tell somebody what to wear but he is being completely rude, if he does show up like this he will only look stupid.

Post # 5
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I can’t imagine wearing a suit is all that bad. Maybe ask for some specifics as to why he is so adverse to wearing a suit?  In the end it all comes down to what is more important to you: That he be there or that everyone wear formal clothing. If it’s more important that everyone be in formal wear, then that’s okay, just understand that he may be upset, so be prepared for that.

Post # 6
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

For some people even “having” to borrow a suit (particularly for men) can be really embarassing. Their pride is hurt and they just don’t want to have to do it. It sucks but I can see if his response is really coming from a financial standpoint. I don’t think that your response was unreasonable a black tie event is a black tie event. However to be fair he’ll stand out in a suit “almost” as much as he would wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt (ok maybe not almost – but it’s likely he will still stand out if all the other men are in tuxes). Just something to consider.

You’ve made his options and clear and maybe he will come around, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t come. I’m sorry that your encountering this situation it sucks.

Post # 7
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Not rude at all. If he’s the only guest that has an issue with it and you offered him solutions and he still refuses there’s not much else you can do. It’s a matter of hours and I would think he could compromise. Is your venue enforcing the dress code? I know some do and it could be out of your hands anyway.

Post # 8
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t really think this was rude, he’s being very childish and immature in my opinion. Put on the suit and quit whining seriously!

Post # 9
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You weren’t rude, but now might be the time to stop pressing the issue. Like a PP said, he’s a grown man and has to choose which is more important to him right now: His conviction of casual wear everywhere, or attending your big day.

Post # 10
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The whole black tie thing aside, there is practically never a wedding where it would be appropriate to show up in jeans and a t-shirt! I mean come on, he’s refusing to act like an adult. So, no, I don’t think you were being rude. Maybe, though, he is self-conscious because he doesn’t own a suit of his own? I might feel a little weird if I were him, but if you are good enough friends with him, I wouldn’t think it would matter. 

Post # 11
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Guys can be such wimps sometimes. If they were forced to wear dresses and heels they’d realize how good they have it with loose pants, a loose button up shirt, and a loose jacket. Sheesh. Suck it up and wear the suit, man!

Post # 12
5474 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Techincally, telling an adult how to dress is presupmtuous and rude (unless they ask).  I think you did everything you could to accommodate him and his situation, which was very nice of you.  Honestly, let him come however he wants to be dressed, it will reflect upon him, not you.  Also, if your venue has a dress code (ours does, it specifically prohibits jeans) then they will not let him in.  Then, you’re not the bad guy, the venue is. 

Post # 13
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

He needs to grow up. It’s disrespecful to show up in jeans and a t shirt to ANY wedding, let alone a black tie.

I wouldn’t show up in any religious house wearing jeans. Maybe tell him your church requires slacks?

Post # 14
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with Meowkers.

He needs to grow up and understand that there are social norms and conventions that are respectful to follow.

Post # 15
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you were rude, but I agree that you have to pick your battles and have to decide wether it’s more important that he’s there or dressed properly. Even if he does come wearing jeans/t-shirt he will be the one that looks awkward (And no, I don’t think it’s appropriate that he wear jeans/t-shirt). I wonder if his reluctance to comply with the suit suggestion was embarrassment on his part that he #1 could not afford to rent the tux and #2 that you addressed this issue by offering to loan him a suit. I don’t know how deep your friendship is, but I would be mortified if even my best girlfriend had offered to loan me a dress because I didn’t have one and couldn’t afford it (If it was true I’d be even more embarrassed). I probably would have blustered my way out of it by saying something along those same lines “I hate dressing up, that’s why I never go etc” to make it seem like it was no big deal to me. Here’s hoping he’ll suck it up, swallow some pride, borrow the suit and support you guys that day.

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