Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2012 - The castle at stagecoach
ok a good male friend who is a mutual friend of my husband and I. for our relgious ceremony in june it is a black tie event. i know this friends does not have money to rent a tux. so i offered him my husbands suit (so atleast he doesnt feel completely out of place) and he said i would really perfer to wear tee shirt and jeans. i said to him…. this is a black tie event you cant come in jeans im sorry. i know you dont have a suit, we are offering to lend you one. and he said i hate dressing up thats why i never go to family functions. i said again, its blacktie you are supposed to wear a tux, we are offering you a suit because we know its the only option. its only one night can you please just wear the suit. you were a witness for our civil ceremony, and a very good freind of ours we really want you there. again he repeats he doesnt wnat to go if he cant where jeans and a tee shirt….so i said to him…listen you cant come dressed like that there is a dress code. if you dont want to comply with the dress code and dont want to come thats fine, if you want to borrow the suit let me know because we want to have you there.
so basically it was a nice way of saying hes un invited if hes going to wear jeans? was i being rude….i mean its a black tie affair….and we even offered him a suit (less casual than black tie but atleast something) and refused it….i dont want someone wearing jeans at my formal black tie wedding….my husband is dressing in white tie for gods sake!!!
i dunno bees was this rude of me? i didnt mean to snub him but come on jeans to black tie??
Post # 3
No I don’t think you were rude. He’s a grown man and needs to act like one and understand that there will always be different dress codes for different life situations. He’s not a child and needs to grow up.
I’m sorry that you’re in this position.
Post # 4
idk. this is a hard one. I dont think you can really tell somebody what to wear but he is being completely rude, if he does show up like this he will only look stupid.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I can’t imagine wearing a suit is all that bad. Maybe ask for some specifics as to why he is so adverse to wearing a suit? In the end it all comes down to what is more important to you: That he be there or that everyone wear formal clothing. If it’s more important that everyone be in formal wear, then that’s okay, just understand that he may be upset, so be prepared for that.
Post # 6
For some people even “having” to borrow a suit (particularly for men) can be really embarassing. Their pride is hurt and they just don’t want to have to do it. It sucks but I can see if his response is really coming from a financial standpoint. I don’t think that your response was unreasonable a black tie event is a black tie event. However to be fair he’ll stand out in a suit “almost” as much as he would wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt (ok maybe not almost – but it’s likely he will still stand out if all the other men are in tuxes). Just something to consider.
You’ve made his options and clear and maybe he will come around, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t come. I’m sorry that your encountering this situation it sucks.
Post # 7
Not rude at all. If he’s the only guest that has an issue with it and you offered him solutions and he still refuses there’s not much else you can do. It’s a matter of hours and I would think he could compromise. Is your venue enforcing the dress code? I know some do and it could be out of your hands anyway.
Post # 8
I don’t really think this was rude, he’s being very childish and immature in my opinion. Put on the suit and quit whining seriously!
Post # 9
You weren’t rude, but now might be the time to stop pressing the issue. Like a PP said, he’s a grown man and has to choose which is more important to him right now: His conviction of casual wear everywhere, or attending your big day.
Post # 10
The whole black tie thing aside, there is practically never a wedding where it would be appropriate to show up in jeans and a t-shirt! I mean come on, he’s refusing to act like an adult. So, no, I don’t think you were being rude. Maybe, though, he is self-conscious because he doesn’t own a suit of his own? I might feel a little weird if I were him, but if you are good enough friends with him, I wouldn’t think it would matter.
Post # 11
Guys can be such wimps sometimes. If they were forced to wear dresses and heels they’d realize how good they have it with loose pants, a loose button up shirt, and a loose jacket. Sheesh. Suck it up and wear the suit, man!
Post # 12
Techincally, telling an adult how to dress is presupmtuous and rude (unless they ask). I think you did everything you could to accommodate him and his situation, which was very nice of you. Honestly, let him come however he wants to be dressed, it will reflect upon him, not you. Also, if your venue has a dress code (ours does, it specifically prohibits jeans) then they will not let him in. Then, you’re not the bad guy, the venue is.
Post # 13
He needs to grow up. It’s disrespecful to show up in jeans and a t shirt to ANY wedding, let alone a black tie.
I wouldn’t show up in any religious house wearing jeans. Maybe tell him your church requires slacks?
Post # 14
I agree with Meowkers.
He needs to grow up and understand that there are social norms and conventions that are respectful to follow.
Post # 15
I don’t think you were rude, but I agree that you have to pick your battles and have to decide wether it’s more important that he’s there or dressed properly. Even if he does come wearing jeans/t-shirt he will be the one that looks awkward (And no, I don’t think it’s appropriate that he wear jeans/t-shirt). I wonder if his reluctance to comply with the suit suggestion was embarrassment on his part that he #1 could not afford to rent the tux and #2 that you addressed this issue by offering to loan him a suit. I don’t know how deep your friendship is, but I would be mortified if even my best girlfriend had offered to loan me a dress because I didn’t have one and couldn’t afford it (If it was true I’d be even more embarrassed). I probably would have blustered my way out of it by saying something along those same lines “I hate dressing up, that’s why I never go etc” to make it seem like it was no big deal to me. Here’s hoping he’ll suck it up, swallow some pride, borrow the suit and support you guys that day.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2012 - The castle at stagecoach
the venue isnt forcing it but heres the thing
the marriage is in a catherdral
we rented an expensive old fashioned car
we are having it at a very nice reception hall that cost alot of money
theres an open bar
a chocolate fountain besides the cake
i have a 5 meter train and my husband it wearing white tie, i really dont want US to be overdressed at OUR wedding
because we are in peru i EXPECT some ppl will not follow the black tie dress code because it isnt customary here to do back tie, but we have made it clear to everyone what they should wear and even have suggested a place where you can rent a tux for 60 dollars. …. that said some ppl will show up in suits im assuiming (maybe they dont have the 60 who knows) and if its a money situation im fine with that-
but jeans and a tee shirt…i seriously think hes crossing a line refusing to wear even nice pants. like he wants jeans and a tee thats it….like this is a formal event! and is costing a shit ton! the least he can do is put a suit on….and we are offering him the choice of two seperate ones!