(Closed) was this rude?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m not sure what having a chocolate fountain has to do with your wedding being formal… BUT you were not rude.  You were being firm with him and telling him nicely that he would not be welcome if he decided to not consider your dress code wishes.  What does this guy wear to work every day? (I know not all people have jobs that require business casual but it was worth a shot)  I wouldn’t bring this up again.  You gave him an option of borrowing a suit if he needed and that’s that.

My FBIL’s wedding had a guest who showed up in jeans, flip flops, and a polo shirt because his wife “dragged” him to the wedding when he didn’t want to go.  It took everything in my power not to give the guy a piece of my mind… and fist.

Post # 49
2443 posts
Buzzing bee

Does he at least have a pair of khakis he can wear? While it isn’t formal wear it would be far better than jeans. 

Post # 50
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that if there is a dress code, he needs to stick to it.  If he is really saying that he doesn’t want the suit because he doesn’t want to be in a tux, that is childish.  If he is saying it because he is embarrassed, that’s a different story.  I think that in the end, he’s going to do what he wants to do.  All you can do is express to him that this is the dress code, everyone else will be wearing the same thing and you don’t want for him to feel out of place.  If he ends up wearing a t-shirt and jeans, then he is the one that is going to look odd, not you.  You tried.  That’s what I think! 🙂

Post # 51
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I, personally, would rather have the people closest to me in jeans and a t-shirt and actually be there, rather than reqire suits or not have them there. 

I don’t see it as disrepectful, because what’s more important to me is thaving them there. 

That said, I don’t think you were necessarily rude, as you were thinking of him. I think he’s being stubborn.

You will be the two best dressed at your wedding, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. You’re likely going to have peple show up in suits and ties, maybe no jacket. Not everyone feels comfortable in a tux or evening gown. And many people will interpret black tie as optional, though they’ll likely still dress nicely. And it’ll be okay, because you’ll have people there that love you.

Post # 52
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Juliepants:  lol! love the suggestion!

OP- no I don’t think you were rude, HE was the rude one for wanting to wear jeans to a black tie wedding?! I mean I can understand if maybe he didn’t know what black tie meant, but clearly you explained to him the dress code and offered him to borrow a suit FOR FREE so money can’t be his excuse. It sounds like he was being a baby about it.

However, I do want to point out. There’s always going to be at least one guest that is inappropriately dressed….

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