(Closed) Was this the wrong thing to say?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I don’t think it was the wrong thing to say to let her know that she doesn’t have to feel obligated to bring someone just for the sake of bringing someone. But maybe she will feel more comfortable having someone there who she knows since she’s from out of town?

The good thing about this for you is that if she brings a friend you won’t have to worry that she’ll feel alone or that she won’t have anyone to talk to. As far as being over your maximum goes, if you ever extended the offer to her to bring a guest (i.e. on the invitation, etc.), that offer should still stand, especially since she’s out of town and might feel like an outsider.

I don’t think that you said anything wrong at all! Best of luck!

Post # 4
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think this is one of those touchy things to say where tone and context could have a lot of influence. I think if you simply told her that the "and guest" didn’t mean you had to have one and that you’re sure she’d have a good time with the other maids and groomsmen and guests even without a date, then it’s not at all inappropriate to say!

If I were you, I’d sit down with her and calmly say that you think she might have taken your comment wrong, and that you weren’t trying to offend her. Gently explain what you told us about your capacity and budget, re-offer to help with the dress and the hotel, and then tell her that if she’d still like to bring her friend, she’s more than welcome to (but only if you really mean it). 

I hope this helps! Good luck!

Post # 5
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

EmilyBrooke I am in a somewhat similar situation (more so my bridesmaid has made an unreasonable, self centered, crazy request) but instead of my bridesmaid being "wonderful in everyway possible" she is being a complete crazy person and beyond mean. I can’t even talk to her about it cause she has gone from a very close, normal person to acting like a selfish 2 year old.

Anyways, I guess I just wanted to let you know that this sort of thing happens and you aren’t alone.

I think it’s important to talk to her about the situation (on the phone, not email) and ask how she feels and offer to help pay again. Good luck!

Post # 6
2640 posts
Sugar bee

If she is wantig to bring a guest because she’d feel more comfortable, I think she should be allowed to bring the guest.  (Granted there will be times that the guest might feel by herself, wheile ya’ll are taking pictures and doing a bridal party dance, etc.  But I think that is up to the two of them. 

Now if your invitation didn’t allow for +1 and she is requesting you make an exception, then, you’d have the right to reiterate your budget considerations.  (Although for the trouble the Bridal Party goes through for weddings, I’d probably make an exception for my Bridal Party.)

Post # 7
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think the main question is (like others stated) did her invitation say plus one? Or when you initially asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man did you say she could invite someone? If your answer is yes then the offer should still stand.

Post # 8
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Seems like a reasonable thing to say.  Will she know many people at the wedding?  Is she friends with the other BMs?  Maybe she’s afraid if she doesn’t bring a +1 she’ll feel like the odd person out and not have anone to talk to?

Post # 9
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m really sorry you’ve been put in this position, it must be really awkward.  I’m also wondering, did her invite say +1?  If it did, then you might have to suck it up and let her bring the guest, especially since she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your wedding.  If it didn’t, then you need to have a chat with her and explain to her the problem you’ve encountered and ask if she could not bring a guest. 

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