(Closed) Was what this guest did okay or rude?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
9869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I had a guest do the same thing. It’s definitely rude but not worth calling anyone out on. I just rolled my eyes at her note on the invitation.

 

Post # 17
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

So, my admission of unknowing rudeness: my parents and “family” had been invited to my brother’s sister-in-law’s wedding.  My sister and I had other plans and so just my parents rsvp’d for two of them.

Well, then a family emergency came up and my parents had to leave town to take care of a grandparent.  So my sister and I went “in their place”.  We thought it was rude for none of us to show up especially since they were planning on two people.  It never, ever, occurred to any of us to make sure we clarified that it wasn’t my parents going after all.  the father of the bride (my brother’s FIL) was really nice and said he hadn’t known we were coming and when we explained, he was so nice.  

now, I read these threads and realize it was probably a major faux pas!  So I guess, I just want to say–like a PP mentioned, sometimes there is just unintentional bad etiquette without ever realizing something was rude.  She probably thought you’d saved her spaces, and she was still only using two of them, you know?

Post # 20
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

Auntie should have asked before assuming.  Annoying, but I wouldn’t stay upset for too long.  Bigger fish to fry.

Post # 21
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

deedee2016 :  I think your situation was different, though, because it was a last-minute change of plans after the final numbers were likely in & you and your sister originally WERE invited.

Post # 22
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You don’t have to “call her out.”  You can call her and say, I am very sorry if any misunderstand (which is BS, you were perfectly clear), but invite is for you and Bob and Carol.  Sorry if anyone cannot make it.  How many friends do you have did NOT make the cut becuse you ran out of spaces?

Post # 23
Member
8966 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’ll never understand why this is a big deal. If you were already ready for 4 to come and now it’s 2 and one of them is a friend rather than family, who cares?

Post # 24
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it is rude. Seemingly, the number is more important than the person. As a host, if bringing Amy would make Kay more comfortable than being alone, I would rather she do that. Unless specifically mentioned on the invite, an invitation isn’t limited to one’s immediate family. Unless you don’t like Amy and Kay has reason to know that, I think what Kay did is perfectly reasonable. 

Post # 25
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

SmittenintheMitten :  well chances are if this were my aunt and she invited a friend when I gave her an unspecified plus one, I’d let it go. It’s your aunt…

Post # 26
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Daisy_Mae :  because some people dont want complete and utter randoms at their wedding… we are specifically having a small wedding that is 80% family (and the rest is wedding party and their wives/partners) its not a case of how many seat we have or how much we can afford we did it so ONLY the people closest to us would be there and to not have to look back and go ‘who the fuck was that person’ it an intimate moment in OUR lives not a huge public spectical

and then people always say you wont notice or remember… of course you will, if your inviting so many people that you wont even notice their existance then you have invited far to many – its a wedding not a circus

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