(Closed) Was your ceremony uncomfortable/weird for you?

posted 12 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Were you uncomfortable or embarrassed during your ceremony?

    Nope. All I could see/think/breathe was my future spouse. :-D

    A little, but it passed quickly as the ceremony started.

    A little, but it passed when we said our vows.

    Somewhat, but it was still a really happy experience for me.

    Somewhat, and it caused me to miss out on the happiness of the ceremony.

    Yes, very much so. I felt nervous/sick/sweaty/faint the whole time, but I made it.

    Yes, very much so. All I can remember is how awful I felt.

    We didn't have a ceremony because I knew I'd feel this way.


  • Post # 3
    469 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    I loved our ceremony!!!  Truthfully, i don’t remember seeing anyone in the audience – just my future husband on the alter.  I also remember getting up to the alter and immediatly handing off my bouquet so I could grab my hunsband’s hands.  We held hands for a little bit, and then I remembered that in the next couple of minutes the officiant was going to say "if you are ready to say your vows, please join hands" (or something like that) so i let go of his hands.  I then felt very awkward with nothing to hold, bt figured it would be super weird if I turned around to ask for my flowers back.  So I clasped my hands in front of me, which was really weird, but I remmeber Ryan having this really goofy grin and it was amazing to know that he was just as excited as I was.  then i remember The Kiss being AMAZING.  he went in for the kiss, pulled away to smile at me, and went back for another big one.  It was great – I can’t wait to get our video back!! 

    And finally, Ryan and I always say how we’re going to be together forever, but didn’t specifically write that into our vows, as we did the traditional "all the days of my life" vows.  Well, he went first, and said his vows and said "all the days of my life… and through eternity".  I think everyone laughed, including us.  For us, it was super special, and of course, i returned the words.  In our hearts, we meant it and i’m glad he threw it in, though I suspect the vast majority of the people in attendance at our wedding may have thought we were joking.  Sad for them, because we were not joking 🙂

    Post # 4
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2008

    I can completely understand your need/want for privacy and feeling kinda weird doing this stuff in front of family and friends.  My husband and I are the exact same way.  I guess though, on my wedding day, it all seemed to disappear.  When I walked down the aisle, all I could see was him.  At the front of the church, all I thought about was him.  I know it seems cliche, but nothing else really mattered.  As far as the kiss, we decided to make it short and sweet, to make it less embarassing!  It was a quick peck and we were done with it.  No making out for us!

    I wouldn’t say that you are weird feeling this way about your wedding, but you should do what is right for you.  If a courthouse thing sounds more appealing, then do it!  There would be nothing worse than going into your wedding day being terrified about some aspect of it.  Do what feels right, and good luck!

    Post # 5
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I have the same fear! Though we don’t mind being affectionate in front of friends. But my family…I have NO desire to say any of this stuff in front of them. I’m not particularly close to any of them and it’s such an intimate thing that it feels very odd to me to involve them in it. I had actually been dating my Fiance for like a year and a half before I admitted to my parents that we were involved. I don’t know why it gives me such squicky feelings, but it does. 

    Honestly? I’d rather much just do our ceremony with my friend who is officiating and my Fiance. No one else. Then we could have a fun reception. But feelings would be very very very hurt if we did that. 

    Post # 7
    1423 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I’ve worried about this too!  We’re not really a mushy couple.  A funny ceremony would be more our style, but that’s pretty hard to pull off.  What we’re doing is putting the ceremony together by ourselves to make sure there isn’t anything at we’re uncomfortable with having said / saying in front of a large group of people.  Let’s face it, a lot of the stuff in a lot of ceremonies is kind of high on the cheese factor / cliched  — I can’t imagine saying it sincerely in front of an audience with a straight face (although I always manage to think of every ceremony I’ve been too as super sweet and I usually cry … so maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh with the wording of our ceremony, either.  I’ll have to write it with a bottle of wine at hand to attenuate my cynicism).

    @marquisemiss — I was embarassed to tell everyone we were engaged, too!  Especially my mom.  Luckily, she was more excited than anyone else.  It’s an awesome memory!

    Post # 8
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    i’m not so much worried about the affection part, but more the all eyes on me part. i’m very uncomfortable in situations where i am the center of attention. i know i’ll be nervous, but i’m hoping that once the ceremony starts i’ll feel better.

    Post # 9
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    I felt really awkward during mine. I hate being the center of attention, and I wanted to have a private ceremony because of it (we did not though, Mother-In-Law demanded a public ceremony)

    Post # 10
    497 posts
    Helper bee

    I put other…because it wasn’t like all I could see/think/breathe was my future spouse. Although my focus was on anything BUT the people who were all there. In fact, the ceremony went by so quickly and was such a surreal, big moment, that I didn’t remember most of it until I watched it on video! I think the moment transcends the nerves and you should be fine. That said, try and focus a little bit on what is happening so you can at least remember it.

    Post # 11
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2008

    We loved ours, but I think the fact that we both knew the Reverend doing the ceremony as a close friend made it that comfortable.  When we were up there it was jus the three of us, as if everyone else were gone.  Also, my hubby and I are both teachers, so we are used to standing up infront of large groups!

    Our ceremony was very personal, and my mom was actually a little worried that others wouldn’t "get" it because we did not do the more tradtional readings and things.  Being so personal we were able to connect to every word the Rev said (and we really didn’t care what others thought).  In the end it turned out that everyone loved it! 

    I have a link on my blog to our ceremony if anyone is interested:  http://calioc.blogspot.com/2009/01/ceremony-and-vows.html


    Post # 12
    37 posts
    • Wedding: December 2008

    I think as long as you try to relax you’ll be fine.  And not to be flip, but don’t take the ceremony so seriously if it’s making you nervous –  DH and I both cried and laughed, asked for tissue, and snuck kisses during the ceremony, and I tried to focus on him, and the significance of what was happening at each moment.  Like Mrs Corn said, the moment transcends nerves and how you think you’ll feel–it’s very surreal.

    Don’t worry, it will be great.

    Post # 14
    123 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I also felt like it was just my husband, the minister and I.  The only weird part was communion, because the minister told the congregation that we wanted everyone to come up, even if they didn’t want to recieve communion.  We did not, in fact, want this- so I felt bad for people that did come up. So…my advice is- work closely with your minister to make it exactly how you want it and leave no stone unturned.  That will help it feel natural!

    Post # 15
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2020 - Majestic Colonial Resort, Punta Cana

    The ceremony was by far my favorite part of the entire day. I think it helps if you take a moment to really look around at all your guests – as you’re walking down the aisle, or when you turn around for a moment from the ‘altar’. They’re all there not because they want to stare at you and make you uncomfortable, but because they love and support you.  When I thought of that, the feeling was just intoxicating – I felt bathed in warmth and love. I really hope you take a moment to just let it all sink in. I promise, it’s wonderful!

    Post # 16
    37 posts
    • Wedding: December 2008

    @ marquisemiss – Some people might observe that your nervous feelings at your first wedding could have had something to do with the fact that it wasn’t THE ONE, hence the current wedding!


    That was then and this is now – so it won’t necessarily happen again.


    When I was in counseling my therapist used to say –  you are in charge of your feelings. Thoughts lead to feelings, so thinking the same thoughts that you know lead to certain feelings is something that you can change.  Change the way you’re thinking about (whatever) and you can change how you feel about it too.


    So maybe if you think about it not as a moment where you’re in front of all those people, and instead of the moment when you will say vows that will join you to your FH and think about all the great things, and try not to think about the things that make you have nervous feelings.  Also think about the party afterward!  

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