Was your ex-husband difficult about divorcing?

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

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Amy Elizabeth :  You’re so strong and so brave. Hugs to you as you go through this. I’m so sorry.

Post # 47
902 posts
Busy bee

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Amy Elizabeth :  

This is a really tough time. I’m glad you got out of a bad situation. As a divorce lawyer I can say you’ve just hit the first steps. Some people harbor so much hatred in their hearts that they would rather ruin your life than let you go. Your lawyer should be able to force a divorce through the system, but it is often costly and time-consuming. I just want to give you the heads up that it may continue to be emotionally draining.

For other Bees/touching on some of the comments:

1. Make sure you do talk to a lawyer as rules vary by region. For example, in my jurisdiction you cannot personally serve a Statement of Claim for Divorce, although you can personally serve a civil Statement of Claim.

2. There are often methods of substitutional service. When we have individuals attempting to evade service I can usually get a judge to allow for service by email (if I can show they have used that email relatively recently). I even had a judge recently let me serve papers over Facebook messenger (we had a friend of my client serve them and provide screenshots), as we didn’t have a location or email address, but showed that he posted on Facebook regularly.

3. If you are represented by counsel and the opposing party is not, expect your fees to be 20-30% higher than if the opposing party was represented by counsel. Self-represented litigants make things difficult (and not always on purpose).

4. Remember, there are four personalitieis in the room. Yours, your exes, your lawyer, and his lawyer. IF you are not in an abusive situation, sitting down and trying to work things out at the kitchen table often gets around posturing.

5. Check out Alternate Dispute Resolution in your area (again, situation dependent – but even in instances of Domestic Violence you can often make this work with precautions (separate caucasing, independent counsel to protect your rights)). People often think mediation is a waste of time becaue they are so far apart, but with a good mediation (often worth the money), they can often come up with creative solutions that you are your counsel may not have thought of as they are representing your position. Often I tell clients to give up $20k or more that they may be “entitled” to, because the Court fees are going to cost $30k, and its worth their mental sanity and stress.


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