(Closed) Was your first love more intense than your current love?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

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stephie08:  My first “Love” was more intense in a bad way. It was an abusive relationship that at first I thought would change. I ended up getting myself deeper and deeper into a bad situation. Needless to say I quickly learned that I wasn’t really in love with him. I may have loved him dispite what he did to me, but I wasn’t in love with him. There is certain things I feel for my Fiance that I never felt with my ex. And there are things I felt with my ex that my Fiance will never let me feel. You always take something from you’re first love, weather it be a positive or negative.

Post # 62
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Yes, but it wasn’t the love that was intense. The relationship in general was intense. It was long distance, but I would spend weeks at a time at his place. He was quite poor, so we would go together to donate plasma so we could go on dates. We were both stubborn and fought a lot. We also did a lot of drugs together and were both going through a kind of weird, spiritual phase where everything was magical and nature was wonderful. It was just kind of a crazy life experience in general, but I grew up and he didn’t. We split because he wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship, which I just cannot get behind.

I love my Fiance more than anyone in the world. He is the sweetest, funniest, most understanding man that balances me out so perfectly!

Post # 63
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Like some other bees said my first love was intense in all the bad ways. We got together young and clung to each other despite being complete opposites. He was manipulative and refused to talk about emotions or anything serious. I looked past a lot of red flags and bad things he did to me because I thought I loved him and felt deep down that no one else would love me.

My SO now is a far better match for me and is genuinely kind and considerate. There’s passion, definitely, but it’s out of love and respect and not fear and insecurity. I feel calm and safe with him and understood. This is not to say we don’t have our (small) moments, but he builds me up and doesn’t bring me down.

Post # 64
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My first love IS my currentl love after many (many!) years apart. So I have the absolute best of both worlds!

Post # 65
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3080 posts
Sugar bee

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stephie08:  Well i think a lot of people confuse drama for passion in relationships. I certainly did when i was younger.

I thought the fighting and jealousy and extravagant over the top apologies and constantly in communication when we werent together because it felt like i would die if i didnt talk to him (HAHA) was intense love. 

so i suppose so? lol

Post # 66
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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L606:  that’s such a good point. Drama does NOT equal passion!

Post # 67
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

More intense? Yes. I was a teenager – everything is more intense! Plus, he had undiagnosed bipolar, so very intense.

More strong? Not at all. My current relationship is easily the strongest (and best) relationship I’ve ever had!

Post # 68
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

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stephie08:  Also my cousin said something to me very wise once.

When you meet your first love, you fall head over heels. No holding back. You love with your whole heart. After that, you can never love again with your whole heart. You will always hold just a little bit for yourself incase you have to put it back together again. 

And i dont think that means you love your SO any less than your first BF. But more like you have experienced heart ache and pain and you are just more cautious. 

Post # 69
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

No it wasn’t. 

Post # 70
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

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stephie08:  Like other poster’s have said…more dramatic? Yes! lol. I was in college, we were young and not mature. My love for SO now is intense and passionate. I choose to love him and when I look at him I see my future husband and future father of our children. What I had in college can be described more as infatuation or puppy love…which of course I didn’t realize that at the time, but I know now. A different, deep love is what I have now, real love.

Post # 71
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My first real boyfriend was intense but the love I have for my husband is way more intense than I could’ve imagined…I was never the marrying type but he definitely changed my mind and showed me what real love was. I still can’t believe it sometimes, all my family and friends are still shocked that I ended up married but I wouldn’t have married anyone but my husband. He’s the best. Lol

Post # 72
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Yes. 

I had a high school sweetheart whom I adored, but my first LOVE was in college. I was SUPER passionate and smitten with him. He was the perfect man. I loved him, and loved who I was with him. He made me want to be a better person. I let him see my ‘true self’, and -looking back- actually became a little dependant on him for my own happiness. The hard part was while he ACTED like he felt the same, turns out I was just a rebound for him. When his ex wanted him back he dropped me HARD. It took me maybe TWO years (and a few regrettable flings) to get over him. After that experience I VOWED I would never allow myself to be in that position again. I hate to say it but he took a big part of my heart with him when he broke it. I am simply incapable of loving another human being as much as I loved my first love – not even my DH – not even CLOSE.

Post # 73
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

If by intense you mean constantly having to fight for our relationship because “we loved each other so much” – no. My first “real” boyfriend was when I was 16, and he was a total lunatic. We were together on and off for 5 years. I began dating another guy when I was 22 and everything seemed so normal and perfect. I felt so happy and in love. As time went on though, I was made to feel insecure and like I wasn’t special. That relationship ended because I had suspicions that he cheated (later found out he actually did), and we mutually broke up after 3 years of dating. About a month after that I met my Fiance. My ex freaked out and tried to get me back, but he was a little too late on that.  

3 years later with my Fiance – I have never, ever felt insecure in any way shape or form. My fiance is the most amazing, caring, selfless person I have ever met. Our love for each other is unmatched by any prior relationships we’ve had, and I’m so grateful to have him as my life partner!

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