(Closed) Was Your "Long-Distance" This Hard on You?

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

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FutureBride625:  I was in a “long distance” relationship. We went to University together and after I graduated, I went to grad school an hour and a half away. Then when I graduated, I could only find a job in my field in the same area as my school. So we were long distance for about 2 and a half years. It SUCKED! Like it was just awful. We fought all the time. We weren’t communicating. It was just bad. 

I found a job in the same city he lived in and moved there and it took a solid year or so to get back into the “boyfriend girlfriend” phase. I got my own apartment when I moved back for a year because I wans’t sure if we would make it. We were so used to being apart. We now live together and are engaged. We’ve been together a total of 7 years. It wasn’t easy. But our relationship is great now. 

Post # 3
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

 

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FutureBride625:  We kind of have short long distances in our relationship. What I mean is he travels a lot for work. Therefor there are trips when he is 1000’s of miles away for several weeks. However, still in no way like some people who are on different continents and definitely like the military. We can go see him on the weekends and if not too far away he can usally come home for at least one night. That being said, yes it is very hard. There’s no way it wouldn’t be hard on anyone in these types of situations. You miss the closeness, you miss your friend and you loose a little something by not being able to actually see, hold and feel them. However, the best part is it is like a little honeymoon every time he comes home for a few weeks.

Post # 4
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

Been in a LDR with my Fiance from the start with 4400+km worth of distance. Yes it was hard, the more we loved and cared for each other, the harder it was to say goodbye each time. The longest we couldn’t see each other was 6 months, that was right after we celebrated 6 months. Those 6 months made our commitment (especially FIs) to each other and to the relationship much much stronger.

Yes, we have our fights here and there over little things or big things. It really sucks when you cannot have proper closure on it when you make up because you can’t hug each other at the end of it. But all in all, the fights makes us learn about each other more.

I can honestly say our relationship is much stronger and grew at a faster rate than most because of our LD. It forced us to get to know each other quicker and I also made sure to bring out all the topics about family, marriage, faiths, moral values, etc within the first 6 months of our relationship because I wanted to be sure we are both on the same page and knowing for certain our relationship will have a future together, otherwise we’ll be wasting each other’s time, effort and money.

How long have you been together with him?

Post # 5
Member
9518 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My Fiance (then-SO) and I lived across the country from one another for 3 years while I went to school. We saw each other once every 3 months or so. Honestly, we managed fine (but we are both quite independent people by nature, so I’m sure that factored in).

Sure, we missed eachother’s physical presence terribly, but we constantly texted, gchatted, skyped, called, etc. and we would use a combination of the above to watch TV or a movie “together” at night, etc. 

I focused on the positives of being “on my own” — was roommates with a best friend and we had a blast, I could arrange my schedule how I liked without having to try to coordinate with FI’s, I could focus on my studies without feeling bad that I was “ignoring” him or not being able to go out and do fun things with him, etc. 

I think distance was relatively harder on my Fiance, but he was in grad school also working long hours so I think that served as a distraction. 

I actually think the distance helped us each to gain independence and learn more about ourselves as individuals, yet realize just how much we loved the other person and wanted them in our lives for good. 

But anyway, I recognize my story is probably the exception to the norm, but thought it might be interesting to hear. Distance of any kind is tough, but to some degree, it’s also as tough as you make it. If I had sat around thinking about him not being next to me all the time, I’m sure my experience would have been much worse.

Post # 6
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I was in a long distance relationship with my husband for 2 years before we got married.. We were 6075 miles from each other (according to google).. I was in the United States west coast he was in another country.. And it was very hard but we made it.. he was flying to see me as much as he could.. Usually we were together for a month and apart for one month.. But there were periods when he was in the US for 3 months straight and the longest he was gone was 3 months as well..

we knew from the start that it was meant to be.. We always got along very well.. And when we were not together we were on skype for hours every day .. I think Skype made it much easier for us 🙂

Post # 7
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well, I am engaged and moving 1300ish miles and another country away to finally be with my guy. We have been doing the long distance thing since 2011. With the exception of this last year, (we didn’t see each other for literally a year – we were doing our K1 and we needed to keep both vacation time and funds for our week in Montreal,) we still only would see each other once every 4 to 7 months. I was also in school until a year ago, plus we work shift work. We never really argued per se, but we did have some miscommunication at times, which we made sure we got cleared up in a hurry. We did a lot of long distance movie nights (netfliix to watch the same movie ‘together’ while chatting on the phone) Did it suck being apart from each other all this time, yes. But we were both busy with our own lives, jobs, friends as well, and my school. I think it would have actually been more difficult for us had I been living in the same town and going to school, knowing that I had to study but wanting to go away on weekends, hang out on days off or go for supper with him midweek. But now I’m counting down the weeks to my move to Texas from Ontario, and our upcoming marriage. We are also both in our 40’s. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Distance can be tough but its really only as tough as you make it. My husband and I first started dating while I was finishing up my undergrad in the city we met in (which he had moved away from a year previously) and he was working and living in a city 4 hours away.

We physically missed being around each other but managed just fine. We’d talk as much as we could, we saw each other as much as we could, and we had our own lives independently of each other.

I think it made our relationship stronger, when you spend so little time together you prioritize certain things.. We never fought while long distance because it was never worth it. You can’t let your feelings about seperation cloud your ability to enjoy your time with your SO when you get it. Again, its really only as hard as you make it.

Post # 9
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Fiance met while I was still going to school, we casually texted and went on dates when I would visit my hometown every 2 months or so, we got hot and heavy one summer then had to offically do a LDR for my last semester in college. We missed each other sooo much and were always texting and skyping. I will say doing a LDR really made me value the time we were able to spend together and in the end, I would say our ‘honeymoon’ dating phase lasted over a year for us.

But on the other hand… before my Fiance I was dating my ex for two years and the distance was what I needed to realize that he wasnt going to be the person I was going to spend my life with. It sounds to me like you kind of already know the answer… 

Post # 10
Member
4788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

For 6 years, we were anywhere from 3 hours to 12 hours apart. We saw each maybe once every two months (if that). Yes, it was hard. I often had a physical ache in my chest from missing him. I still maintain that I wouldn’t recommend an LDR to anyone. However, we got really good at communication, and I don’t remember a lot of fighting.

We made it, though! And being with DH was worth every bit of pain and the occasional loneliness.

Post # 11
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

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TheGridMonster:  same thing here. Definitely being a very independent and driven person helps a lot! However, I’ll say it’s tough when we are together again as we tend to get in each other’s nerves the first few days after someone comes home. But that’s because we are living together and when the other person is not around we go into our very independent life having to worry about just ourselves and doing just what we want, moving and arranging things in the house how we like etc. After a few months of that, when the other party joins, it usually clashes a bit. Especially as someone is always adapting to a very different country (Germany-Puerto Rico) , a TOTALLY different weather, language, culture… I mean, it’s a lot for the mind and body. Add jet lag to that and yeah, perfect recipe for grumpiness! Lol. 

The first few times around it was harder. Then we realized what was happening and we just learned to give each other time to recover and adapt and also to just let a few of those things slide as we realize it’s not a permanent thing. Just a few days of misery and unhappiness until things settle and mind and body get used to the change in country for the one arriving and for the person at home to get used to having to share the space, time and routine. This also means a switch in roles as depending on the country we are at, the person who is native from there has more responsibility because of the language barrier and how different things are.

Post # 12
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I was/am in the same thing! I went off to college about 2.5 hours away when we were still just dating and it was incredibly hard! He was also working out of town a lot so I would maybe see him like 2 days out of every month. Before college I would see him just about everyday. (We had dated for 3 yrs before I left for school) the first 6 months were really tough and there were a few times I considered breaking up with him. He didn’t really like me going out with people he didn’t know and got jealous of guy friends that I made (he was never jealous before) and I didnt like him trying to dictate what I could and couldn’t do. He kept grying to convince me that we should go ahead and get married but I was concerned about how it would affect my career plans. however after I came home for Christmas I realized that he really was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I wanted to start it as soon as possible. We got engaged this past summer and things have gotten a lot easier. We still only see each other about every other weekend but we have learned to trust each other more and respect each other’s wishes. So personally, I think if you know without a shadow of a doubt that he is who you want to spend forever with then it will all work out. Y’all just need to really sit down and talk about the things that have been causing problems 

Post # 13
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My Fiance and I are long distance (about 8.5 hours apart right now). When we started dating, we were about 2 hours apart. It is really hard sometimes. I miss him so much, and we count down the days until we get to see each other again. What helps for us is that at the end of each visit, we schedule when our next one is going to be. Well, approximately. He’s in the military, so things come up, but in general we always have an idea of how long it’s going to be until we see each other again. Our longest separation so far has been a couple of months. There’s also a definite end point for the long distance. I absolutely would not recommend long distance relationships unless the couple has a time frame for when they will be in the same area again. We don’t really fight very much, so I can’t speak to that. But I can empathize with how hard it is. It’s totally worth it for us, though!

Post # 14
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I wouldn’t really call my relationship “long” distance but my situation was very similar to yours. When Fiance and I were in college, we lived an hour away and I didn’t always go home every week. We were both busy with school work and school life but still made time for each other. We would sometimes watch the same movie/show online but keep each other on FaceTime so it was like we were watching it together. (At first I thought we were the only ones who did this but I found out others do it too, just like a PP on here!)

We used to bicker a lot just because of stress from school but we never had any MAJOR arguments. So when you say you guys are fighting a lot more, is it just bickering or is it something bigger and more concerning?

Also, don’t forget that this is just temporary. Fiance and I both eventually graduated and now we’re both living in the same city (sadly not together yet but that’s a whole nother story lol). In the end, I think the space/distance allowed us to grow into our own person. I don’t feel like I need to see or be with him 24/7. In addition to the things we both love doing, we’ve individually found our own interests and friends. So don’t look at it as a bad thing! If you guys really love each other and the fighting doesn’t raise any major red flags, you’ll eventually graduate and will be able to be closer to him again!

Post # 15
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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FutureBride625:  DH moved 4 hours (driving) away 6 weeks after we started dating. I was still in school and he had already finalized plans to move before we got together. We did the long-distance thing for 8 months. We saw each other twice a month; he’d come to see me and then I’d go to Chicago to see him two weeks later. It was hard, especially since we were still getting to know each other. But I really think it made our relationship so much stronger. We learned how to effectively communicate with one another, because we HAD to. Seeing him so infrequently made the time we spent together that much more special, and I never took it for granted. We’ve been together 6 and a half years now, and as much as it sucked being apart for those 8 months, I believe our relationship is now better because of it.

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