Wasn't invited to wedding should I ask the couple?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1539 posts
Bumble bee

I think your fiance should ask. And yeah, pretty rude if you’re not invited, let’s hope it was a big oversight.

Post # 3
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

Any bad blood between you and the couple? 

Post # 4
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes. If he is a Groomsmen, then he close enough to the groom to be able to ask him. Your relationship with your Fiance warrants an automatic invite. 

Post # 5
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I agree that your fiancé should ask his friend, you should have been invited.

Post # 6
Member
3837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Just have him ask, no need to overthink it. 

Post # 7
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t ask about it. If my name wasn’t in the invite and I knew the couple well, I would be a bit hurt but wouldn’t do anything about it. Maybe they drew the line to married couples or no one brings their partner. Are all of the other girlfriends etc. Invited? That being said if it bothers your fiance then he should ask but if he isn’t inclined to know the answer then I would let it be.

Post # 8
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

No, you’re not invited. Your name isn’t on the invite so it’s pretty clear you’re not invited.

Post # 9
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

That’s strange given that he’s a groomsman and you’re his fiance. Could be an oversight, I think it’s fine to ask.

Post # 10
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If it was just some friends getting married and you didn’t get an invite it would be rude to ask. But as pp have said, since he is in the wedding party you should. It could just be they forgot to write your name and assumed you would just come?

 

Post # 11
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why ask?  I think asking, “My fiancé wasn’t on the invitation. Is she invited?”  is so rude.  It’s like asking “My kids or sister or mother wasn’t on the invitation. Is she, they, invited?”  Isn’t that a Duh answer?  Nope your name was not on the invitation . What would make you think you were invited?

Some couples have limits on who they want to invite.  Maybe you’ve been “engaged” forever with no sign of getting married, maybe there’s no ring, no ring no bring, maybe you aren’t officially engaged, maybe they can’t afford plus ones even for their wedding party, maybe they feel judged by you, maybe they don’t like you – who knows.

Id respect their decision and not make it an issue for your fiancé. Not nice to put the couple on the spot like that with asking for an invitation or if they “made a mistake.”

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

Eek, it’s amazing how rude some people are responding when the OP is simply looking for advice, not even judging the actions of others– ie, see the post above mine.

I think your fiance should ask, but word it as a general thing. I would have my fiance ask the groom to be, “Are plus ones not invited?” Then he can either say “correct, we didn’t have it in the budget” or he’ll wonder why your fiance is asking that and it gives an easy way to discover the oversight that they forgot to include you on the invitation.

I totally understand that some couples have budget constraints and all of that, but not inviting a groomsman’s *fiance* without mentioning it in someway to the closest of friends is very odd.

Post # 13
Member
9978 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would ask. If could be a mistake, especially if they had people helping them address the invites.

Its not the same as asking “Is my kid invited?” or “Can I bring a random plus one?” Because not inviting kids or not giving single guests a plus one isn’t a major etiquette faux pas. But not inviting a guest (much less a groomsman’s) fiancée? It’s incredibly rude.

Asking, in my opinion, is giving them the benefit of the doubt that it was just a mistake and not the couple being incredibly rude to one of thier closest friends.

Post # 14
Member
3796 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think this is a case where it’s acceptable to have your fiance ask his friend if you’re invited. It’s pretty common etiquette that all members of the bridal party get a plus one. It’s not like your fiance is going to the wedding of a friend he hasn’t seen in years. This is presumably his very good friend and he should feel comfortable asking. It’s incredibly rude of them to not invite you. 

Post # 15
Member
7634 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would have your Fiance ask about it. It could very well be a mistake…trust me, the average human is not as anal retentive about etiquette and getting every detail correct on the wedding invites as the general population of Weddingbee. I would give them the benefit of the doubt that it’s an innocent mistake at this point. Your fi doesn’t have to make a huge thing of it – just have him text his buddy and say “hey is x invited?” and leave it at that. Hopefully you are! If not, that is tacky AF, but I would drop it at that point.

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