Wasn't invited to wedding should I ask the couple?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

If my husband stood up for a couple who didn’t invite me there would be hell to pay when he got home.

Post # 17
Member
7866 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

palebluepetals :  There is nothing “duh” about it. People are human and make errors, which is hopefully all this was. It is far more likely imo that this was a mistake on the invite than an intentional policy of not inviting someone’s fiance. The latter is very rare and rude AF. Even moreso when you factor in that this is a groomsman!

Asking if your fiance, whom you live with and have been in a relationship with for 5+ years, is invited to a wedding is not remotely in the same realm as asking to bring a random +1 or your kids or your mother!

Post # 18
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee

Just have groomsman ask. It’s rude not to extend +1s to wedding parties. And people make mistakes on invites.  I’ve seen my last name misspelled on one. 

Post # 19
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

loribee92 :  Well since your fiancé is not only invited to the wedding but is a groomsman (so part of the wedding party) is only common sense that you should be invited. In my opinion he should ask and if you are not invited then it would be REALLY rude…

Post # 20
Member
11764 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

FIs and live in girlfriends merit an automatic invitation so the kindest assumption in this case is that there was some sort of a mistake. In general it’s rude to ask for a +1 of any kind, but this situation is one of the few times it’s OK to confirm.  FI should call his friend to see if you were meant to be invited. It’s possible that the couple really is that clueless about how invitations are supposed to be addressed. 

If not, he would actually not be impolite or out of line to send his regrets. A groomsman is nothing more than a guest who has been given a special honor, whereas the two of you are a social unit. Fiance  can just say he’s not comfortable attending without you. He should not be rude or obnoxious about it himself. 

Post # 21
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Personally, I’m of the opinion that if someone is going to be rude AF as to not invite significant others then they deserve to have everyone ask them, is my so invited, over and over and over.  I also wouldn’t be attending someone’s wedding, let alone standing up in it, if my fiance wasn’t invited. No desire to support that couple. 

Post # 22
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

oceangirl40 :  i 100% agree.  I can’t imagine not extending invites to my friends and family’s SO.  

Post # 23
Member
5013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’d definitely have your fiance ask the groom. You aren’t some casual girlfriend of 6 months here. You’re his fiancee, been together 5 years, and own a home together. It’s likely just an oversight, but you absolutely should’ve been invited. 

Post # 24
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

If your fiancé is a Groomsmen, than that means they’re good enough friends that he can ask what happened. 

Post # 25
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

As someone who is dealing with RSVP’s and comments and questions, my advice is as follows:  Accept you are not invited.  Hard, I know, but they are very aware of you and your couple status – they must be tight on the guest list.  It is hard enough to plan a wedding and planning the guest list is like brokering peace in the Middle East.  If it still bugs you, ask your SO if he has any insight and if it still bugs you, ask your SO to ask Groom discreetly – but please be prepared if the answer is no.  It is their wedding, their gurst list.

Post # 26
Member
7866 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow I totally disagree with pp. I just got married a few months ago so the whole rsvp process is quite fresh in my mind, and I would have been MORTIFIED if a friend thought I didn’t invite her Fiance because I accidentally left his name off the invite. I would 100% prefer someone check with  me in that situation than assume the worst! And if I did deliberately leave them off? Lol…then I deserrve to be faced with the awkwardness of having to directly tell people that news.

If you’re gonna have rude ass/highly unusual policies (like not inviting the partners of ENGAGED couples who are in your bridal party) you need to be prepared to deal with the resulting confusion and the awkwardness of clarifying that yes, you really did mean to be that rude.

Post # 27
Member
2535 posts
Sugar bee

minnesotabride17 :  Then I must be great at negotiating, because the guest list was a breeze for us. 

 

OP, have your fiancé ask. If he’s close enough to be in the wedding, one would assume he’s close enough with this friend to be like “What up?” I don’t know why everyone walks on eggshells for weddings, asking a simple question shouldn’t set people off. And if it does, then one should evaluate their relationship with such a “fragile” person anyway. 

Post # 28
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

loribee92 :  it may be be deliberate if they are not invited to your own wedding… You said you had a small guest list yourself…did this couple make the cut??

Post # 29
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I must add that if someone had a significant other, living together or not, they were invited.  Our guest list was tricky as we could each invite 22 people (50 people cap, after the 8 that included us, officiant plus his SO and attendants, that left 44 divided by two.  I REALLY wish we could have had a venue, money and such for 150 people, it would have been so much easier.  But together we chose our venue, and we are very pleased with it!  I am surprised that a groomsman with an almost wife is not able to bring the almost wife.

Post # 30
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

I wouldn’t have any desire to support a relationship of people who don’t support mine. Your fiancé should ask and he should stand by you.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors