Wasn't invited to wedding should I ask the couple?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

loribee92 :  If I was your husband I’d just decline to attend.  They’re obviously going to ask why since he’s supposed to be a groomsman, so then he can tell them!  Let them deal with their rudeness.  It’s not your fault that they are unaware of simple etiquette.

Then again I can be petty AF.

Post # 32
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Some of these replies really have me LOLing. I mean come on guys….the OP’s *fiance* is one of the GROOMSEM. I think it’s safe to assume the couple getting married should know him well enough to know that he’s engaged. I find it to be the height of rudeness to exclude anyone’s fiance, let alone the fiance of someone in your bridal party.

OP – I’d like to assume that it was an oversight on their part. I’d have your fiance ask the groom. If in fact you weren’t invited, sorry but if Darling Husband and I were in that situation he’d step down from being a groomsmen.

Post # 33
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

Engaged or married couples are considered social units. And your Fiance is in the bridal party. In this case, you should definitely have been invited and hopefully your name being left off the invitation was an oversight on bride and groom’s part. I’d have your fiance ask his buddy to clarify. 

Some of the responses here are just bizzarre. OP’s fiance asking his friend about the invitation is in no way analagous to random guests asking if they can bring their new boyfriend/kids/mom. All engaged/married couples should be invited together and normally bridesmaids and groomsmen are given a date anyway. 

Post # 34
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee

I didn’t invite the fiancee of one of our guests. The guest was a friend of Darling Husband who I had never met, and he didn’t tell me this guy was engaged. So embarrassing! After I sent the invite, Darling Husband and I were talking about wedding things and he mentioned this guy’s fiancee. I was SO angry, and made him call his friend and explain that she was also invited. She declined because she was working, but later found out that she could have made it because our wedding started after she finished. Makes me think that if I had addressed the invite to her in the first place, she may have noticed the time and been able to attend. 

I wish our guest had asked about a +1. Turns out he was a bit of a slacker too since he could have told his fiancee the time of the wedding, but still! Have your man ask, but just do it gently and casually.

Post # 35
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

He asks. If you’re intentionally not invited, he drops out of the wedding.

Post # 36
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I’d also get Fiance to ask. Same happened to us twice, two invites to two weddings, both addressed to Fiance only and I was also invited to one but not the other.

With the first case, the couple are originally from a country where just the man’s name is given on the invite, and it always means their wives/children/anyone else living in their house is also invited (they had 700 guests at both their Nikkah, and their Walimah the following week). We only found out I was also invited a few days before the Nikkah when the groom emailed everyone to say ‘btw, your partners are welcome too’.

With the second case, Fiance emailed the groom (he is a very old friend of both bride and groom, they were at secondary school together) to accept the invite and also said, just to confirm Eirlys isn’t invited? Groom came back with sorry, no (we’d been engaged a year at this point, and together 9 years, living together 7). A month before the wedding they said they now had space at the evening do, so I could come to that – so Fiance went to the Church, meal and I joined him for the evening. Turns out loads of the friend’s partners were just evening guests, only 4 guests out of the group had partners invited to the day (where the B&G didn’t also go to school with the partner), so clearly it was just a space/budget issue.

That said, it’s very rude not to invite the partner of someone in the bridal party to the full thing!

Post # 37
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I wouldn’t have him ask as that can lead to awkwardness.  I would suggest he casually say something like “My fiancee is looking for something to do on the wedding date since I am busy and she will be on her own, any suggestions?””  This could honestly be an oversight where the groom was responsible for his side of the list and forgot the write down your name in the file that was sent to the printer. 

Post # 38
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Canvas Event Space

I find it very rude and if you aren’t invited for whatever reason, they should have given your fiance a heads up about it. In theory, he’s somebody’s close friend so whatever the reason is it should have come up to him at some point instead of just not including you. If there is some kind of issue, that’s really immature and passive agressive. 

Again, as somebody’s close friend he should be able to say “Got your invite…so only I’m invited? I just wanna make sure before I send this back!” and see what they say. If it’s something to do with budget, size, etc then maybe let it go but if it’s anything else then he might need to think his involvement in the wedding tbh.

Iiiis it possible they sent out separate invites to their wedding party and to their SOs and maybe yours is taking longer to arrive? It would be a weird to do it, but, y’know, benefit of the doubt and all?

Post # 39
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

So did your Fiance ask? What happened?

Post # 40
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

ohitsheragain :  I’m with you on this one.

I’d have your fiance decline – I find this pretty rude that they didn’t invite you, surely a groomsmen deserves a +1, espcially if he is in a serious relationship.

Any update?

Post # 41
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Super rude. I assume they intended not to invite you though. If your Fiance is close enough to be in the wedding party I assume he’ll have a chance to casually reference this to the groom- ‘Did you decide on a spouse only guest list?’, ‘How many are going to the wedding?’ or ‘I’m assuming Fiance couldn’tbe included?’

Is he going anyway?

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