Post # 1
AHHHHH! (its gonna be a long one!)
is it just me or is everyone considering elopement?
Recently got engaged and a few weeks after Fiance and i decided to visit two venues in one day. The first i knew cost a small fortune as i’d looked around with my sister for her big day. the second was a fraction of the cost but turned out not to be suitable for what we wanted/needed. Needless to say we fell in love with the more expensive place and decided that we would have our wedding there in 2013, giving us enough time to save up.
When we told my parents the plan they offered to pay for the venue (inc meals and rooms) so we could marry next year. we double and tripple checked with them as i had no idea they could afford it and had no intention of asking or hinting for money from them. Obviously we graciously accepted, and started planning the grand old wedding i could never afford without my parents putting so much in for the venue.
Now my FI’s parents and i dont always see eye to eye so in the wedding spirit i thought i’d invite them to veiw the venue before we put our deposit down, along with my parents. However, since visiting, all my Father-In-Law have done in rant and rave about how much money its costing, what a waste, how selfish we are taking money from my parents ect. (need i say they aren’t married?)
anyhoo, its driving me insane! i burst into tears when we last went over as my Future Mother-In-Law ranted about how we should have out reception in the local grubby village hall.
i dont know what to do any more as i want the perfect wedding, what to include my Future In-Laws, and not have to feel guilty about what i want!
i dont see why they feel they have the right to complain as they havn’t offered a penny towards the wedding, and they dont know my family enough to judge whats worth spending to them.
basically every time someone mentions anything wedding related i just want to burst into tears (and we’re only been engaged a mont, and have 20 left to go!!!)
Post # 3
Talk to your Fiance about how their comments make you feel. Suggest he take his parents aside and explain their comments are hurtful, unnecessary, and rude.
My Dad had the best wedding planning advice. He said “you aren’t going to make everyone happy, so ignore them and do what is best for you and FI”. And he was right.
Post # 4
They might be jealous of what you are having or feeling jealous or upset that they can’t help like your parents are. Regardless, you can’t let them have this power over you that they just drop some comments like that and you feel so terrible because people will make comments throughout your whole wedding process. Don’t let anyone take away your happy day.
Post # 5
I realise that they are being hurtful – try the best you can to ignore it. Hopefully they’ll get over it soon and in the end you’ll have the beautiful wedding you’ve been dreaming of. *hugs*
Post # 6
first things *hugs* it sucks how you are feeling by their behaviour
what do you say when they start ranting? practice a standard line of “lets not discuss finances, if you dont agree thats fine but its not up for discussion” and then walk out of the room! if you stay and listen then you are giving them permission to make you feel ike crap – you dont deserve that, your family doesnt deserve that
and if your Fiance agrees that they are being rude ask him to tell them to STFU and smile
i understand you want to include them in the plans but if they are going to walk around with a calculator and chip on their shoulder i would scale back the info sharing
Post # 7
Do what makes you happy, when it is all said and done yes weddings are expensive, but if you are happy who cares what they have to say!!
Post # 8
I feel your pain/frustration. I am dealing with a similar situation and even though his family isn’t paying for anything they continuously complain about the cost of the wedding. The worst part they kept being aggressive even after my father died unexpectedly and I was trying to grieve.
I will share with you what I’ve decided to do concerning them. I don’t take their rants personal because its some issue they have with themselves (possibly jealousy?) and I won’t own that. My Fiance and I have decided that when they ask we will just give them a vague answer and change the subject. You can’t control people, but you can control how you let them affect you. Chin up because this is a special time in your life. Don’t let anyone with bad intentions ruin this journey for you.
Post # 9
well, first off CONGRATS on the incredibly generous offer from your parents! seriously, that is so amazing and you are so lucky.
secondly, i would stop telling the in-laws any money details. as they aren’t contributing, it is none of their business.
thirdly, next time they bring it up, say, “i know, i am so very lucky to have such generous parents who are insisting on throwing us such a lavish wedding.” and leave it at that. bloody rude people.
Post # 10
I agree with the advice above. Find a way to put their comments aside and not let them have an impact on you. Realize those statements are coming from some sort of jealousy or insecurity. I’d talk with Fiance to make sure he knows how their comments make you feel and ask him to deal with them. And lastly, I’d stand up for myself. Next time the start up, just let them know that the financials aren’t up for discussion and that if they don’t have anything nice to say, they can say nothing at all. Quash this sooner rather than later if you can, you don’t want them to think it’s fine to be running you over like that. Best of luck!
Post # 11
I totally feel your pain on this. My FI’s grandmother wanted us to get married in her backyard, saying “Well if you insist on being a spoiled brat,” When I told her, as nicely as possible, that we had it covered.
My new thing? I don’t tell her the cost. Nope. Sorry lady, you have no right to know how much it will cost if you aren’t contributing anything but grief.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, but be strong. Make sure your Fiance understands how you feel though, but without attacking his family, as that could get ugly. Just state that you feel chastised (or any other feeling) when they say things, and you’d appreciate it if he would refrain from explaining any costs to them as well.
Post # 12
The next time they say something why don’t you just say something like, you’ve made your feelings about this very clear. I’m sorry you don’t agree with our choice but I hope you can still try to be happy for us and focus on the positives – or something like that?
Failing that, have your Fiance have a word with them and ask them to stop complaining. Its not their money, their decision or their wedding.