(Closed) waste of who’s money?!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Talk to your Fiance about how their comments make you feel.  Suggest he take his parents aside and explain their comments are hurtful, unnecessary, and rude. 

My Dad had the best wedding planning advice.  He said “you aren’t going to make everyone happy, so ignore them and do what is best for you and FI”.  And he was right. 

Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

They might be jealous of what you are having or feeling jealous or upset that they can’t help like your parents are. Regardless, you can’t let them have this power over you that they just drop some comments like that and you feel so terrible because people will make comments throughout your whole wedding process. Don’t let anyone take away your happy day.

Post # 5
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I realise that they are being hurtful – try the best you can to ignore it. Hopefully they’ll get over it soon and in the end you’ll have the beautiful wedding you’ve been dreaming of. *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

first things *hugs*   it sucks how you are feeling by their behaviour

what do you say when they start ranting?  practice a standard line of “lets not discuss finances, if you dont agree thats fine but its not up for discussion”  and then walk out of the room! if you stay and listen then you are giving them permission to make you feel ike crap – you dont deserve that, your family doesnt deserve that

and if your Fiance agrees that they are being rude ask him to tell them to STFU and smile

i understand you want to include them in the plans but if they are going to walk around with a calculator and chip on their shoulder i would scale back the info sharing

Post # 7
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Do what makes you happy, when it is all said and done yes weddings are expensive, but if you are happy who cares what they have to say!!

Post # 8
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel your pain/frustration. I am dealing with a similar situation and even though his family isn’t paying for anything they continuously complain about the cost of the wedding. The worst part they kept being aggressive even after my father died unexpectedly and I was trying to grieve.

I will share with you what I’ve decided to do concerning them. I don’t take their rants personal because its some issue they have with themselves (possibly jealousy?) and I won’t own that. My Fiance and I have decided that when they ask we will just give them a vague answer and change the subject. You can’t control people, but you can control how you let them affect you. Chin up because this is a special time in your life. Don’t let anyone with bad intentions ruin this journey for you.

Post # 9
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

well, first off CONGRATS on the incredibly generous offer from your parents!  seriously, that is so amazing and you are so lucky.

secondly, i would stop telling the in-laws any money details. as they aren’t contributing, it is none of their business. 

thirdly, next time they bring it up, say, “i know, i am so very lucky to have such generous parents who are insisting on throwing us such a lavish wedding.” and leave it at that.  bloody rude people.

Post # 10
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with the advice above. Find a way to put their comments aside and not let them have an impact on you. Realize those statements are coming from some sort of jealousy or insecurity. I’d talk with Fiance to make sure he knows how their comments make you feel and ask him to deal with them. And lastly, I’d stand up for myself. Next time the start up, just let them know that the financials aren’t up for discussion and that if they don’t have anything nice to say, they can say nothing at all. Quash this sooner rather than later if you can, you don’t want them to think it’s fine to be running you over like that. Best of luck!

Post # 11
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I totally feel your pain on this. My FI’s grandmother wanted us to get married in her backyard, saying “Well if you insist on being a spoiled brat,” When I told her, as nicely as possible, that we had it covered.

My new thing? I don’t tell her the cost. Nope. Sorry lady, you have no right to know how much it will cost if you aren’t contributing anything but grief.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, but be strong. Make sure your Fiance understands how you feel though, but without attacking his family, as that could get ugly. Just state that you feel chastised (or any other feeling) when they say things, and you’d appreciate it if he would refrain from explaining any costs to them as well.

Post # 12
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The next time they say something why don’t you just say something like, you’ve made your feelings about this very clear.  I’m sorry you don’t agree with our choice but I hope you can still try to be happy for us and focus on the positives – or something like that?

Failing that, have your Fiance have a word with them and ask them to stop complaining.  Its not their money, their decision or their wedding. 

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