(Closed) Watching someones marriage fail…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MsBrooklynA: Does knowing the marriage was going to fail before they even got married count?  

If so, I was tempted to tell the girl (despite not knowing her) but figured she wouldn’t believe he was a) hitting on me and b) asked if we could be “friends with benefits” while he was engaged to her.

This “friend” knew I was (and still am) engaged to my Fiance and didn’t give a rat’s ass.  

I didn’t say a word (other than to complain to my FI) to her but told HIM (the so-called “friend”) to f’ off.  

Oh, and this pair was married for MAYBE a year and are now divorcing.  Or are divorced.  I haven’t snooped on his or her FB page for several months, lol.
 

For the most part, I tend to stay out of those things.  UNLESS I were directly asked and told I could be my usual blunt-self, I’d politely say that I support them and their choices.

Post # 5
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m in the stay out of it camp. Most people won’t listen to you unless they specifically ask for advice, and even then they’re likely to ignore you. 

Post # 7
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I know three couples who each started ‘swinging’, having threesomes, one had a girlfriend they shared for a while, but basically all started looking outside the marriage for sexual pleasure.

Each and everyone of them assure me and other people they shared their stories with that this was healthy and that their marriages were stronger than ever~

Each one failed.

So by the third couple, I kind of saw the writing on the wall.

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@pinky44: agreed. I am a person who likes to give my opinion, sometimes even when its not asked for, and for the most part, it falls on deaf ears. Unless that person is really ready for a change, then what you say means nothing to them

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MsBrooklynA: It was my brother’s best friend who has always hit on me and he told me some things I sooooooo wanted to tell her.  (Needed to have a kid to keep the farm, wanted someone to HELP him on the farm, the woman would HAVE to breastfeed, only SHE would be taking care of the baby… I could go on, but you get the idea…)

I didn’t bother telling her because I’d never met her and the one time I did, it was at my grandfather’s funeral (didn’t think it was an appropriate place, lol).

So, I let her find out the hard way.  Besides, I doubted she’d belive he would do anything like that.  And knowing HIM, he’d claim I was just jealous and still wanted him (NO WAY IN HELL… unless you include my wishing him death and poverty…lol)

 

If you want to talk about it, feel free to PM me. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsSl82be:

Agreed. ANd also you get tagged “the bad guy” because they don’t want to hear you echo what they already know deep down inside

Post # 12
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m currently watching a co-worker go through a divorce.

She’s come to me on quite a few ocassions for advice (I’ve never been divorced, but apparently I’m good at giving advice for how to deal with feelings and stuff). So, I gave it to her. She also wasn’t venting to anyone but me so I let it happen. Honestly, it can be really frustrating. It’s gotten to the point where my advice is blunt and sometimes harsh. She hasn’t listened to most of my advice and I feel like she’s stuck in a rut and unwilling to accept her situation or help herself.

People will do what they’re going to do. You can offer advice but it’s them that decides to put it into practice or not. I’ve stopped banging my head against a wall over it, because there’s nothing else I can do to help her. Time will heal her.

I think they could have saved their marriage, but neither of them took the steps to do so, and the steps that were taken, I feel, were done just to please the other person, when they should have been being honest with their own self.  I don’t know if that makes sense.

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@MsBrooklynA: I’ll answer this. If it were my best friend, I would not stay out of it, especially if they were coming to me with complaints. I have a good friend whose bf treats her like dog shit, and everytime she complains to me, I give her my 2 cents. She agrees, but does nothing about it, just comes up with more excuses. So, I tell her that I dont’ want to hang out with her and him together, cuz I can’t stand the way they act. At least I only have to deal with her, and I tell her to shut up and talk about something else, cuz she knows how I feel.

 

Post # 14
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Oneeleven: yup, and I honestly don’t care with some of the relationships. And I also have said “TOLD YOU SO!!!” when it didn’t work out. Might not be the right thing, but it makes me feel better

Post # 15
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I had a very good friend that kept coming to me for “advice” about her toxic relationship. I would always listen, totally horrified, and then give her my advice. This literally happened everyday for a year. I finally realized she wasnt looking for my advice…she was just venting. Nothing I was saying was getting through to her, and she needed to make tough decisions on her own. She is still in this horrible relationship years later.

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