(Closed) Way beyond sick of In-Laws…. Dont even know what to do!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have your husband handle it. Seriously. Let him decide what he wants to do about the Bridal Party and you make up your own mind about what you want to do about going to hers. Let him take the lead with his family. There’s no need for you to get a coronary when he has perfectly good sense to deal with him directly.

Post # 4
Member
46415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it was a mistake for you to get involved. When your Future Sister-In-Law texted you, you should have said “Please have Brother-In-Law contact Darling Husband directly.”

You could still have talked with your Darling Husband and help him plan, but your actions were obviously interpreted as interference.

Including a reminder of BIL’s behavior at your wedding just added fuel to the fire.

Post # 6
Member
46415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree- Future Sister-In-Law should not have contacted you. That’s why I suggested you would have been better off to ask Brother-In-Law to contact Darling Husband directly. Why on earth would Brother-In-Law think it would be appropriate for his Fiance and SIL to initiate planning for  the bachelor party?

Texting was a poor choce to communicate with your Brother-In-Law about what happened at your wedding. This is the kind of conversation that should happen in person, or at the least on the phone- or not at all.

You are related to these people now. I hope that all of you can move on and make some attempt to get along.

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Future Sister-In-Law should not have contacted you and you shouldnt have gotten involved and you shouldnt have made the offer to drive down/babysit/help out 

plus your text to him was also the wrong choice, especially as your bought up other past drama that had nothing to do with the B party plans (your residual anger over your wedding)

sorry but you need to step back – if the groom wants the party in location A and the alternative location B isnt what he wants then i feel the grooms choice should be picked.  if your husband (and others) cant make the party well he has a reason (work/travel) to say sorry but i cant make it – the distance and time needed sucks

Post # 10
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, if the groomsmen and their families do not want to do what he wants and he is unwilling to compromise…. then Brother-In-Law might have to deal with people not coming to his Bridal Party, or not having one at all. Serves him right for being a total douchebag.

I think your Darling Husband needs to tell his brother that his attitude is not appreciated and if he is unwilling to compromise on the date and location, then your Darling Husband will regretfully have to stay home that weekend.

I also don’t think that your offer of help was rude in the least, but you are obviously a bigger person than I am. I would have throw his ass to the wolves and let him deal with his own problems.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@emersynsmommy35: you are not being a bad person here but i think there is residual anger and drama from the past that anything you do is going to be seen as controlling

if you are going to argue a point/subject then stick to the one topic and dont bring in other arguments (your wedding/hurt feelings) or people (other wives),   i wouldnt give two hoots what other wives are allowing or not allowing their husbands to do and would just worry about my own

i understand you are trying to make it easier and safer for your husband, i would worry too but i really would step back. *hugs* because i know you were only trying to help

Post # 13
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sent from my Android

I really just feel like the whole thing is being blown out of portion om both sides. You over stepped your bounderies and he disrespected your family at your wedding.

My advice leave the past in the past and try and move forward. And stay out of the bachelor party. If you Darling Husband needs help with that he will tell you.

Also I don’t know the situation with your daughter but im sure this wont be the last time you guys get to see her, you Brother-In-Law only gets married once, he will prob regret missing the bachelor party so encourage him to go.

Post # 14
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

One of the first things that I’ve learned in law school is to know your opponent. This has translated to many things in my life and it looks like this is an instance where you, too, can benefit from such advice. Obviously, Future Brother-In-Law has issues with you being involved for whatever reason. That’s precisely the reason why you should let your Fiance handle situations with his brother. I don’t meddle in affairs between my Fiance and his brother and never will. I talk to my Fiance and give him advice, but I let him handle things the way he wants in that area. It keeps me out of the mosh pit completely.

Post # 16
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

P.S.  OP, you’re kind of defensive, which leads me to believe that there’s at least some reason for Future Brother-In-Law to feel justified in being so adamant that you stay out of it. 

The topic ‘Way beyond sick of In-Laws…. Dont even know what to do!’ is closed to new replies.

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