(Closed) Way to steal our thunder…..VENT

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@frustrated: Your situations are COMPLETELY different. You have a friend/bridesmaid wanting to get married the same week as you and at your venue, she has a sister who decided to get engaged 4 MONTHS after her. I feel for your situation…

Post # 48
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

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@BanditGirl:  thanks, i have to come to terms with it. mostly by suppressing like i said and focusing on my day!  its a bit sad because if our weddings were like 6 months apart, i would give ALL my ideas!

 

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@dunky31:  and ya, i told you my story to show that it is possible to come to terms with it. its all about the attitude you take and what you focus on.  i had to do a lot of work mentally to get where i am and i still have moments when i get “frustrated” (hence my name!).  lol, actually, some of my old frustration came back when i read your post. totally not your fault though, LOL!

Post # 49
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

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@smith207: Now YOU I can see getting your undies in a bunch. 

I know all about the snarkiness on Weddingbee (I have been guilty myself), but 4 months has passed.  Yes it does stink that you dated longer, but hey go on about your business.  I dated my husband for 7 years or so before we became engaged, and it hurt a little every time people who had been dating for less time got engaged, but after the fact?  My husband’s 2 closest friends who have been with their FIs for under 2 years are both engaged now.  I am not in love with either girl (they haven’t exactly been nice to me, and I don’t know why.), but I wish them every happiness.  People are going to keep getting married no matter what.  I only hope your future SIL is respectful and plans her date after yours.

Post # 50
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Somebody I had a falling out with was engaged two weeks after I was. Since I was so excited for her, I reached out and now we’re back in touch. Seriously, use this as a time you can share together.

Life goes on around us, and if your Future Sister-In-Law found love after her marriage disolved, good for her! Be happy and grateful that they gave you a long four months to bask.

Post # 51
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@dunky31:  I’m sorry this happened, and hopefully you’ll be able to make the best out of what you feel is a sucky situation.  Some of the pp have really good advice, they just lack the tact in delivering it.  Don’t worry if you look at their brief 2-3 mth history on here, they do it every single time. 🙂 It’s nothing personal.  

Post # 52
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I felt this way a bit when my SIL got engaged…more than a year and a half after we got engaged, but about three months before our wedding.  I feel terrible admitting it, because I am really happy for her, but at the same time….it was a bit unsettling.  People in the family have been excitedly talking about her getting engaged for at least the last four years, so it was hard not to feel at least a wee bit overshadowed.  I felt wretched for feeling that way, since I just wanted to feel happy for them, but you feel what you feel.  

Post # 53
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@dunky31: you can come here and vent, but i dont think its fair to expect people to just agree with you no matter what you say. I really appreciate when I vent to my Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s like “wow– you are being ridiculous.” It’s a wake-up call, sometimes a very much needed one. We all get wrapped up in our own stuff sometimes and lose some perspective. I think that the point of some of the posters here is that you don’t really have anything objectively to be upset about here. Four months between engagements is a pretty long time, and its not rational to expect everyone to put their lives on hold for the period of your engagement. Maybe you could look at it as an opportunity to get closer to her and bond through shared wedding planning?

Post # 54
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think they were being kind waiting for you guys after 13 years of being together.  They probably thought ‘finally’ now we can not feel like we’re jumping in.

Post # 55
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Future Sister-In-Law is getting married a month and a half after our wedding. I don’t feel like she’s stealing our thunder by doing that. “My” day will be over!

Post # 56
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

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@dunky31: You won’t want to hear this, but 4 months is a long time. The initial news of your engagement should have spread by now and it’s not fair to be upset with your SO’s sister for getting engaged 4 months after you. Do you have a bad history with her, like she’s really selfish or something?

DH and I dated for a while, were apart 5 years, and got back together. At 6 months he proposed to me. His brother, while 6 years younger, had been dating his gf for over 5 years since 11th grade. They were talking marriage for a while. I’m pretty sure that DH beat his brother to the punch, but his brother just waiting a bit and announced it then. (I think it was about 6 weeks after us that they got engaged). I’m close with my SIL and she said that they were so excited and didn’t feel like we stole their thunder. And DH and I certainly didn’t feel like they took something from us by getting engaged 6 weeks later. We are family and it was exciting to be happy and plan together. In my oppinion someone getting engaged within 3-4 weeks of an immediate family member would be a little too close.

Post # 57
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@dunky31: I hate to be on the opposing side, but you don’t get a whole year to be in the spotlight. You had your time in August. It is now December. Sorry. 

Post # 58
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Nati-Lyte: Wow, your comment was tactful. Or not. I’d love to know how you would put “You only get 1 day” in a nice polite unicorn pooping rainbows way?

Post # 59
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Belle2BeNope, my comment was meant to be very direct highlighting to the OP that there are certain posters who have made it their MO in the past few weeks/months to post snarky and rude comments.  The OP did caveat her post with VENT something the Bee community encouraged poster’s to do (a few months back) in posts like these as a heads up to readers that what they’re about to read might sound selfish but it’s done at a very emotional moment in the OPs life, kind of a “I’m emotional and I can’t vent to family because I know I’m out of line, but I just want to get it out.”  Being supportive, does not mean we have to agree with the OP.  A post stating,”hey I know this sucks right now but in a few weeks you’ll be engrossed in your own wedding planning that this won’t sting so much” is  very different from a post with “hey get over it, you’re nuts for feeling this way (not an exact post previously posted on here, just an example on how the message is coming across).

Post # 60
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

As someone who comes from a place where people get engaged all.the.time, you cannot afford to be frustrated or hurt when other people get engaged- especially not four months after you. Also, most people where I come from are married within four months of getting engaged, so your thunder is long gone by then. I’m just saying. It’s a happy thing- you wanted people to be happy for you when it was your turn, try and give them the same courtesy. Nobody should have to put their life on hold because you feel your “thunder” should last the better part of a year. Have fun planning together!! I had two friends get married on the same day, within two hours of me. We decided to be happy and excited for each other- it made that time of our lives so much more exciting, happy, and we all tossed ideas back and forth. It could be a great thing!

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