(Closed) Ways to involve younger girls in family without them being bridesmaids

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Congrats, Welcome to the Bee!

Honestly, I’d have none of them. If you have none of them, no one can really be offended because you’re not leaving anyone out. Yes, that means no flower girl either. If there are more bridal party members than guests and you’re just making up roles for everyone, I think it kinda takes the special away anyways. There’s no rule that says every female blood relative needs to have a job. 

Post # 4
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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meetthesnobinsons :  Whoof – wedding planning is tough with the vocal/pushover combo! Take this as the first lesson in telling them to back off, that this is your wedding and you’re the one calling the shots! 

Post # 5
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

Agree with PP. Have NONE. No one can go: Well you have X person, that’s not fair! Even if you were able to just have a few younger girls involved, I am sure it will just add stress and drama. I don’t understand why people feel the need to make weddings about themselves if they are not the ones getting married.

People get so offended if you don’t consider others, especially family, to be involved. Why can’t people just come as a guest? They’ll have a better time, less stress, and don’t have to rush around. 

Do yourself a favor and just say no. I wouldn’t even talk about it to the younger girls. If you are pressed by older family members, just say: “We’ve chosen who we will be having in the bridal party. We are happy to be able to invite our family and celebrate with us together on this day.”

DONE. Don’t make it a bigger deal than what it is. If their parents put it in their kid’s heads that they would be included, it’s their responsibilty to deal with talking to them about it. Not you. If you go to talk to them about it, it gives it more weight and you don’t wanna deal with a bunch of pouty, crying, tantrum throwing girls. Trust me. 

Post # 8
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

meetthesnobinsons :  Just for my 2 cents, I can tell you that I chose the none route because there were too many and my 15 year old cousin was very hurt (even though I did it so nicely!) So just be aware afterwards you might have to sit her down for an additional talk and maybe some girls time? I just told her that I am chosing x,y,z, that it is a small wedding and that to be fair I did it this way, not that I dont love her enough to be in my wedding and that I cant wait for her to be there as a guest. Good Luck Bee!

Post # 9
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

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meetthesnobinsons :  if this isn’t for 2-3yrs, it doesn’t make much sense to talk about or decide any of this until you’re  at most 1yr out. Relationships change. Preferences change 

Post # 10
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

Personally I would have all of them or none of them 

Post # 12
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I agree with PPs on having none.  A lot less drama for you, and I think that your aunt was a little out on line asking you so early, and letting you know a cousin is expecting to be asked.  Bridal party is a personal choice and you shouldn’t need to sit down and explain reasoning to anyone.  Ditto on waiting until you are at least a year out to ask bridal party members. 

If you would like to do something nice, why not get them corsages to wear for the wedding.  Invite them to the salon to get ready with you.    

Post # 13
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

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meetthesnobinsons :  Yes, a relative of mine set her date about 2.5yrs before the wedding and asked bridesmaids then and had me buy her a dress (against my advice).  By 1yr before the wedding, her relationships had changed enough that she felt bad about not having certain very good friends in the wedding and, instead, had some friends who’d kinda flaked out and gotten more distant in the time that had passed and she didn’t want to wear the dress she’d had me buy her for the wedding either.  I encouraged her to do whatever she needed to in order to have her closest friends be part of her big day, but she felt obligated to not make any changes.  

There is zero reason that would make it better to decide on bridal party/jr. bridesmaids/flower girls, etc. as far as 2-3 years out from the wedding date.  You may gain new close friends, become distant with older ones, whatever girls (or their parents) who are excited to be in your wedding may grow older and grow out of it or become closer or more distant from you, and you may have a more concrete idea of what you do and don’t want for your wedding (and maybe there’ll be more or fewer considerations from your FI’s side by then).  Nobody should legitimately be asking you to make a commitment to any minors (or adults really) for an event 3yrs in the future- that’s ridiculous.  They don’t even know for sure what school they’ll be in, what house they’ll live in, or what summer camp they’ll attend, etc.

Save yourself some regret. Stop talking irl about these decisions that should be sooooo far off in the future and getting all kinds of opinions on such a distant decision (but feel free to talk abt them here on the bee all you want of course). Otherwise, you’ll lock yourself in and then be back here in 2.5yrs asking if it’s rude to un-ask some bridesmaid/jr. bridesmaid/flower girl who you aren’t close to at all etc.

Post # 15
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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meetthesnobinsons :  Of course, it’s all in the realm of what you really want.  Although I don’t think I would offer decorating the venue as a consolation.  

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