Post # 1
So due to some crazy miscommunications between my fiance and I about what I wanted for my engagement ring and issues he had with ordering my ring online, I don’t really like my engagement ring. It’s totally the wrong stones, and while the design is beautiful it’s just not what I want long term. There’s no way to return it, we wouldn’t get anything for it if we sold it (it’s a morganite with moissanite side stones so only really worth the gold for a resale), and at this point my fiance just doesn’t have the finances to buy me the ring I want before the wedding. Even if I chip in, it’s just not going to be possible financially. However, in two years my fiance (at that point husband) will be working full-time as a SW developer and we should be able to get my dream ring without guilt of the financial burden because we’ll both be working in tech and no longer paying for his school.
The hardest part is that we’re having to pay for a custom wedding band to be created because literally no wedding band exists that will sit flush with my current e-ring (very low basket the stones sit in) so we’ll still end up spending quite a bit on getting my current wedding ring set to work for me. My fiance feels awful about this mix up, I feel stressed trying to find a design solution for my current e-ring while working with the custom jeweler. Mostly, I feel upset knowing this wedding ring set isn’t even my forever ring set even as we’re spending money to make it work for the ceremony and the first few years of marriage, but if I want to get married with some kind of ring, this feels like my only option.
Every thread I go on about upgrading your ring(s) says it doesn’t really “count” or have the same “meaning” if you didn’t get the ring(s) as part of your engagement period/wedding and upgraded one or both of the rings after the wedding, but I can’t imagine having to wear this current e-ring the rest of my life because it’s seriously not what I wanted. At the same time, I know that upgrading my ring in ~2 years after the wedding might elicit feelings that the new ring isn’t my “legit” engagement ring and there’s a chance that getting a new e-ring will also mean needing a new wedding band that fits better with that ring, so there isn’t a guarantee any piece of my current ring set will be something I’m still consistently wearing even 5-10 years from now.
Has anyone else upgraded their ring as soon as it was financially viable to do so (so not for some anniversary, for example). And if so, how did you make the new ring(s) feel like it was “really” your engagement/wedding ring. Because I’m learning I’m really sentimental and I’m logically struggling to reconcile my desire for my dream ring and having that dream ring have the same emotional value as this ring that I dislike the design and stones of but at least was actually given to me as part of my proposal/engagement period….
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2015 - City, State
I didn’t upgrade my ring in the sense that I replaced it. However, I got an alternate set. I don’t view it as an upgrade–just different. I still have and LOVE my original. But it’s a very old vintage set (almost antique but not quite 100 years old yet) and I’ve been banging it around for a long time. I wanted to get another set I didn’t feel so bad banging around (I’m very hard on my hands). I think it’s totally fine to have several different sets. You can still feel sentimental about your old set and wear a new set. Right now, I’m wearing my new set most of the time but still occasionally wear my old set.
Post # 3
I guess my situation is different in that I really don’t like my current e-ring, so I hate to think that even when I get my new set it won’t feel like my “real” engagement ring just another set I have. I probably will stop wearing my current e-ring altogether when I get my new e-ring.
Post # 4
Did you ever post a pic of your ring? Didnt he only spend $500 on it? Why are you opposed to buying your own ring? Personally I wouldn’t wait 2 years wearing a ring I HATE because my fiance was being cheap. You hate this ring, I’m not sure why youre concerned about a new ring you love being not as special.
That said, you could easily just get a plain wedding band – you certainly don’t need a super expensive custom made band for a ring you hate and are going to be basically throwing away in 2 years. Dont throw good money after bad.
Post # 5
I actually won’t be posting a picture of my e-ring. It’s a very unique ring, and I prefer to keep thing anonomous. 🙂 As I said above I’m not opposed to buying my own ring or chipping in, but the fact is we don’t have thousands to spend on my ideal/forever ring right now. This Covid environment can change a person’s financial situation, so it’s just not possible financially for us (Not sure you meant it to be, but I feel like that was an aggressive reply when we have the money for a decent wedding ring that will feel comfortable to me but not the ideal engagement ring I want. I’m not sure what part of that is hard to understand…)
I’m mostly concerned with the new ring not having the feeling of being a real “engagement ring” because I won’t be able to buy it until well after our wedding.
Also, I definitely don’t want to have to wear a plain band for two or more years. That would be even further a step in the wrong direction for my style (at that point I just wouldn’t wear a ring at all). But if I design the band just right, I can probably find a way to reuse it with the new e-ring when we have the finances.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t get a custom band to match your current ring if you hate it. You could get a plain one or a nice diamond band to wear on its own, trust me getting one that doesn’t sit flush with the ER is not a big deal.
There’s no way to make a new ring be the one he proposed to you with since that will always be the one you already have. But you could do something special when that new ring arrives, like read your vows again to each other over a nice dinner or at the spot he proposed, etc. Maybe even take out the stones of the old ring and make a necklace, earrings, etc
Be happy that you’ll get your dream ring and stop overthinking it!! x
Post # 7
I think I’ll still go with the custom ring option because I’ve gone to so many jewelers at this point and tried many many options that didn’t sit flush and it just pinched my skin too much with the way the rings touched as I moved my hand. Too distracting for something I’ll be wearing every day for a few years, and I’ve realized I don’t like the look of just wearing a wedding band on one hand, personally.
I like the idea of making getting the new ring a special occassion though! Thanks for the suggestion. 🙂
Post # 8
Just another thought, if you don’t LOVE your engagment ring and it’s a fragile stone, you could always wear your dream wedding band on your left hand until you get your dream Engagement Ring, and then your current Engagement Ring on your right hand or only wear it occassionally alone. Then when you get your new dream Engagement Ring, you’ll still have something ‘original’ and not change everything with sentimental value.
When my husband proposed, he didn’t have tons of money and got me a small stone. We later upgraded my ring per my request to the same style ring with a bigger stone. It ended up being a fun day and I still remember that day. We didn’t do anything super special, but it was still a fun day that I’ll always remember.
And years later, I know it’s really not the ring that matters, it’s the fact that we’re both happy and happily married! And to make your new ring special, you could always show him two or three different dream rings (if you have more than one idea) and let him pick between the two and surprise you! Or get him a new wedding band at that time too to celebrate both having the jobs you worked so hard for.
Post # 9
The hardest part is that we’re having to pay for a custom wedding band to be created because literally no wedding band exists that will sit flush with my current e-ring
we have the money for a decent wedding ring that will feel comfortable to me but not the ideal engagement ring I want. I’m not sure what part of that is hard to understand
Maybe I’m just really dumb then? I guess I don’t understand paying (ex) $2k to get a custom made wedding band to match a ring you hate, and are actively going to replace. Why not just put the $2k towards the dream e-ring? What is going to happen to this expensive custom wedding band when you get a new e-ring and toss the crappy one?
Post # 10
When we upgraded my e-ring for our 10 year anniversary (not technically an “upgrade” since I kept my original ring), we selected the ring together (with me doing most of the work researching cut quality, etc.). When the ring arrived, my husband took receipt of the delivery and surprised me when I returned home. He had rose petals, roses and candles throughout the house, was dressed in his best suit (I was returning from the gym, so a sweaty mess) and had a beautiful speech about loving more over the past ten years, etc. I was in tears (and I’m not a cryer LOL). It was very special and I loved all the thought he put into it. So I am not of the opinion that an upgraded e-ring is somehow “less than” an original e-ring and I don’t understand the logic behind that opinion. If it’s given in love as a celebration of your commitment, there is no difference.
However, I second PP advise to NOT get a custom band for your current e-ring if you aren’t happy with it and plan on upgrading in a couple years. It will not make you like your current e-ring any more and you will be throwing good money at something you don’t like. A 5 or 7 stone diamond band or eternity band (or even a plain band) to wear alone now and possibly as a wedding band or right hand ring later would be money much better spent. Or if money is tight, forego a band all together now and use those funds for your upgrade. GL
Post # 11
Basically it’s the difference of I can pay ~1-1.5K now (which I’ve earmarked for the cost of my ring) and get a wedding band that is comfortable, sits flush with my ring, is beautiful, and can probably
still be worn with my future e-ring. But my dream e-ring is much more than the custom band I’m having creatied… Like 2-3K more from the different jewelers I’ve been talking to. So yeah, I guess I could just save the 1-1.5K for two years to put toward my new e-ring someday, but by the time we buy my new e-ring, the 3K cost of that new e-ring won’t feel like something we really need much time to save for because we’ll be in a totally different financial situation. Right now 2-3K is a lot to have to save with everything we’re cash flowing, and there isn’t time to save it before the wedding. Plus that wouldn’t even factor in the cost of my wedding band. But in a couple years that won’t be that much compared with what we’ll be making and the fact that we won’t be cashflowing my fiance’s school.
Post # 12
You don’t need to wear your wedding ring and engagement ring together. Get a wedding band you love, and after your wedding wear your engagement ring as a rhr or not at all. Why pay so much for a custom band to go with a ring you dislike?
For your upgrade: if you like 3 stone rings you can use 2 of the moissonite stones beside a center stone of your choice to preserve some sentiment of your original ring.
Post # 13
Agreed. It’s pretty foolish to throw good money after bad, especially since a custom ring is usually at least $1K. I took a look at her old post: OP should consider the $500 spent on the existing ring as a sunk cost. Instead of taking her advice, OP’s fiance wasted funds on what is essentially overpriced costume jewelry because he didn’t want to save up for a ring.
What is your budget? I’d recommend buying the wedding ring that works well alone and with your dream ring. You can always think of your dream ring as marking another milestone or anniversary in your relationship.
Post # 14
Agree with PP. I don’t see why you would spend a decent amount of money to have a custom band made for an e-ring you don’t like and plan to replace.
There are plenty of options – 1. you could wear a plain band until you get your dream ring, 2. Wear a nice but less expensive ring (so many great choices on Etsy) 3. Don’t wear a ring until you can afford your dream ring.
IMO there is way too much emphasis on e-rings. Of course they are nice and there is sentiment tied to them, but you’re putting too much pressure on feeling an emotional tie to a piece of jewelry.
At this point I don’t wear any of my rings (e-ring, wedding band, or anniversary band). I could easily afford a large upgrade but I just don’t care that much. I know my marriage is loving and happy and that’s all that matters to me. I realize not everyone will feel that way, and some people love jewelry, but I feel like society puts way too much pressure on it as a reflection of your relationship/marriage.
Post # 15
2 years down the road is a long time. Many people’s priorities change in that amount of time and once you’ve been married a couple of years your focus may be on saving up to buy a home, plan a big vacation, or start a family rather than for a new ring. I agree with PP’s, there’s no reason to spend thousands of dollars on a custom wedding band to go with your current ering if you’re planning on changing it. As for sentimentality, most people are more sentimental about their wedding bands (I know I am) and you will likely want that ring to remain the same for awhile. So buy a wedding band that will make you happy on its own now AND in the future, regardless of whether you choose to upgrade your ering or not.