- 9 years ago
Hey everyone, I’m new to this website- I came across it from Googling something wedding related as I will be a bridesmaid my good friend’s wedding this spring. Then I found the ‘Relationship’ and ‘Waiting’ boards, and I was really interested to read about everyone’s experiences and all of the positive advice that others offered. So I thought I’d share my situation….
My boyfriend (31) and I (29) have been dating for just over a year, and things are going great. We’ve talked about, and have pretty much agreed to, move in together when my lease is up in a few months. I am mostly excited to finally set up a home with my boyfriend, but I have a few fears/reservations, a lot of which is related to not being engaged yet …
We’ve only really about marriage in the fun / hypothetical sense, like “Oh our kids will be so cute.” Much earlier on, the general subject of marriage came up in a conversation, and I asked, “How long do you think you would want to date someone before getting engaged?” and he replied, “Oh at least 2 years.” In my head I was thinking, “2 years sound like a good amount of time, but what does ‘at LEAST’ mean… would you wait 5 years?” But I didn’t press the issue because we had only been dating for a few months at that point!
So as I said I think our relationship is really solid, and I have no doubt that he loves and cares about me, but I don’t really know where he is with respect to marriage (other than knowing he wants to get married at some point in general). Meanwhile, I’m pretty much 99% sure that I want to marry him, and while I’m not currently itching for an engagement ring, I really do want it to happen someday, and hopefully not TOO far in the future.
(I also think part of the reason I’ve been thinking about all of this is that I have a couple of friends who have recently gotten engaged after dating for 1 year or less, and as much I can tell myself that every relationship is unique, I can’t help comparing – like, “Wow, THEY were sure after less time than we’ve been together, why aren’t we??” Which is irrational, I know, but I can’t help it 🙂 )
I think what I’m most afraid of is years going by and we’re still just cohabitating, and getting really impatient with that. Or, having things get more challenging when we’re seeing each other every single day and sharing a household (even though we now see each other 5-6 nights / week, it’s still different), and not having the security and commitment of an engagement, and knowing that you’ll get through anything that comes up.
So… I imagine that the advice you’ll all give is the same thing that’s good advice in almost any relationship situation- talk to the guy about it! And I agree, that’s probably a good thing to do. 🙂 But what’s a good way to do that without being a “pushy” GF? I don’t think I want to have a “timeline” talk- not to knock anyone who’s done that- but I don’t think we’re there yet.
Did any of you decide to not live together before marriage/engagement for these reasons? Or move in together before getting engaged and wish you had kept your own place? OR had all of these fears also but everything turned out fine?
Appreciate any thoughts / insight you have!