(Closed) We agreed no strip club… But now he's going to one? Advice?

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

He needs to stand up to his friends. It’s his party, not theirs. You both agree strip clubs are “border line cheating”, and you two have decided he won’t even see YOU naked until after the wedding! Why is it ok for him to see other women naked? I can almost guarantee one of his friends would buy him a lap dance. It happens all the time; lots of women have posted that they said fine, go to the strip club, then found out their SO broke the rules and had a lap dance. My SO is not afraid to tell his groomsmen what they’ll be doing for HIS party. They’re going deep sea fishing.

I don’t understand the tradition of getting drunk at a club full of naked women right before your wedding. If that isn’t ok at any point during your relationship, don’t get bullied into letting it happen just bc you’re engaged. To me, the status of being engaged makes it even more inappropriate, not ok. There will be a lot of times during the rest of your lives where he’ll need to say no in order to respect his relationship. He should start now.


Post # 5
39 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

If he is really against going to a strip club himself, he needs to get on his big boy pants and say something to his “friends.”  If they respect him, they won’t push the issue.  If he isn’t willing to say something to them, then he probably does want to go, but doesn’t want to straight up tell you this.

Post # 7
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

@bunnyharriet:  agree completely. Come on now, his friend should have no say in this.   Dont let him dictate what you guys do, after all you are getting married and you and your opinions come first.

Post # 8
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

@bunnyharriet:  +100.

I have no issue with strippers or strip clubs.

BUT THE BOTH OF YOU DO. Witnessing at least one post a week about a bride to be getting upset about her Fiance breaking the no lap dance rule, tell him to stand up to his friend. If his groomsman is so intent on going to a strip club, he can go for HIS bachelor party. Or just go after the party by himself.

If it’s important to the both of you, and it definitely seems that it is, you should both stick to your convictions, no matter how much his friend might whine. I think you should remind him of your agreement and emphasize how uncomfortable just the thought is making you, and that you’d like him not to cancel the party, but to set some ground rules with his friend. If he brings a stripper to the party after being told no strippers, party’s over for said groomsman. End of. Your trust in each other is more important than a “tradition” which, based on your personal beliefs, you have no reason to follow if you don’t want to. Hope everything works out.

ETA: Oops, wrong reply!

Post # 9
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@bunnyharriet:  OMFG +1111111111111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank God! You have common sense. I love it.

Post # 10
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

 You just need to figure out how much this means to you. On the one hand, you say that you won’t be upset, but then say that you consider it cheating? If it’s something you’re okay with then let him  go and don’t stress. Be clear about the rules and  then expect him  to  follow them. If  it’s not something  you’re okay with, put  your foot down and then tell him he’s going to have to stand up to his groomsman. But it seems like he doesn’t really have a problem with the strip club. And don’t hold that against him. And, by the way, that should mean that you’re free to go to a strip club  if you want. You just have to figure out your position.

Post # 12
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You said you wouldn’t be thrilled but wouldn’t be upset

you sound upset to me.   Which is fine, but like someone said already, he needs to put on his big boy pants and tell his boys no way.   I think his friends are also being very disrespectful if he’s already told them no but they insist.   This stuff is so immature.   If he really doesn’t want to go, then noone can force him Unless he secretly does want to go. 

Post # 13
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

From what you’ve written, I can see that you and I have enough in common that I can speak very directly to you about this situation in a manner I would not if I did not know this.

You and your Fiance have made some very God-honoring decisions.  You chose to stop  having premarital sex. You chose to stop  seeing each other naked and tempting yourselves to lust after each other. You chose to not  go to stip clubs.  All of these choices are consistent with your beliefs, and you made these decisions because you want to please and obey God.

So, given this, one could ask, “What has changed since you made those difficult, counter-cultural, God-honoring decisions?” And the answer would be, “not God.” 

From what you’ve written, what seems  to have changed is that you both  have begun to question your resolves based on temptation that is causing you to ask yourselves questions such as, “Will FI’s friend be offended if Fiance refuses to go?” and “Am I being too unreasonable to expect Fiance not  to go?”

If I may be so bold, I’m going to suggest that you are asking yourselves the wrong questions. 

One of the beautiful things about serving God is that you can always begin with the established answer whenever you are trying to decide what to do in a situation such as this.  You don’t need to re-think, reconsider, or re-evaluate  the situation once you’ve already determined what God thinks about it.  And, based on what you’ve already told us in your OP, you already know what the right answer is.

Instead of your Fiance being concerned with offending his friend, or you being concerned with being the cause of your Fiance potentially offending his friend, you both need to remember WHO WILL be grieved if your Fiance does go to a strip club.  The answer, of course, is the Holy Spirit. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if you feel as if you may be being unreasonable for asking your Fiance not to go, and your Fiance doesn’t need to worry about offending his friend by refusing to go. As Joshua in the book of Joshua 24:15 says after telling the people that they must choose this day whom they will serve, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

You and your Fiance just need to remind yourselves WHY you’ve made the decisions you have.  You’ve made them to honor God.  When your Fiance tells his friend why he cannot and will not go to a strip club, all he has to do is make clear that he is refraining from going out of obedience to God.

Post # 14
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Leaving “god” aside, I think it boils down to respect for the other person in the relationship.   If he knows you would be upset and nervous about it, then he needs to not go.  He needs to respect your feelings on the issue regardless.  

Post # 15
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

There is a terribly easy fix to this…just scrap the bachelor and bachelorette parties.  They serve absolutely no purpose and, in this case, the bachelor party will only add drama and stress to your relationship.

Post # 16
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

That is not okay.  You agreed that would not occur- how is this okay?  If he cannot honor your agreements now, what does that say about harder decisions and agreements down the road?  He needs to honor his commitment and agreement and stand up to his friends.  Honoring what you two talked about should matter more to him than even having a party.

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